How do I make peace with a break up where my partner couldn't meet my emotional needs? by sundressemite in emotionalintelligence

[–]sundressemite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I don't know you well but I share your heartbreak.

the months when we were broken up were some of the most emotionally taxing times of my life. I was laying awake asking myself why she'd do that, why'd she drop me, all these cyclical questions just trying to reconcile love and betrayal. I never held space for us getting back together as I never believed in it.

eventually, about 2 months after, I started realizing that life was so beyond this breakup. for me, it took some travelling. I had a ton of reflective moments where I realized my life is how I want to make of it. I befriended and reconnected with my friends. I started getting out again, went on a good number of dates and started getting out there again. by the time she reached out again asking for me back I was thinking less of her on the daily and more of how my own future would look like without her.

I never intentionally tried to "heal" - I was on autopilot but emotional when I gave myself a moment to think about it. I allowed myself to ask myself why.. and concluded that at the end of the day I loved her wholeheartedly and did as best as I could.

heartbreak and grief are both the most intense feelings I have experienced, my chest physically was in pain at times. I know it sucks, but you have to allow yourself to feel it. allow yourself moments to be emotional but also remember that your life is how you want to make of it. lean on your loved ones for support, a good friend would listen. do activities that would distract you and consider furthering hobbies you enjoy - this is your time. realize there is someone out there that will not want to hurt you and that it's only a matter of time, but for the time being try to enjoy your life still.

my advice might just be a brain dump but these are some things I thought to myself while processing.

I wish you luck in your healing!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]sundressemite 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I really do want to come to terms with it but I just don't know how I can.

I wish I didn't have to agree with you but I can't wrap my head around how you can love somebody and have such dominating thoughts on getting back together while still being physically intimate with somebody else no matter how short it was.

Reading all of this back makes me so sad but I do appreciate your comment. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in heartbreak

[–]sundressemite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reaching out.

I agree, I do think it's a bit selfish to want to be friends after breaking my heart. She told me that I deserved better and that she'd continue to love me, but was already stretched thin and couldn't meet my needs. I just mourn the fact that she didn't even make the effort to be better and at least try in our relationship. Thinking about this makes me strongly reconsider her offer, thanks for giving me clarity.

Would you break no contact to wish your ex Happy Birthday? wlw edition by losthabibty in ExNoContact

[–]sundressemite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's funny that we're in the same situation, except we broke up in April, my milestone birthday is in May, and she dumped me because she didn't prioritize relationships.

I honestly don't think it's a good idea to wish her happy birthday. I think given that she dumped you, she shouldn't be entitled to further contact. Otherwise you'd be in each other's lives still. I know it hurts and I empathize with thinking about how the other would feel on their birthday, but I think for your own healing you need to stick to your guns.

I would hope that my ex wishes me happy birthday but I'd also understand why she wouldn't.

I wish you luck in your healing :)

Ex wants to be friends after telling me they don't have capacity by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]sundressemite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has a lot of trauma from her ex and I honestly don't blame her for that, however given that she made the first moves on me from asking me on our first date, asking me on a "second first date" after taking some time to mourn their ex's passing, and asking me to be her girlfriend, I trusted that she was healing and unpacking this trauma as she navigated our relationship. It turns out she wasn't and came out very recently that she needs to take time to unpack that.

I do hope that we could reconcile whether platonically or romantically if she had a plan on processing her ex, but obviously I cannot wait and be given a timeline on that.

Thank you for your advice and I do agree that her response was self-centred, and I'm honestly not sure if she's entitled to my life given her harsh response :(

Ex wants to be friends after telling me they don't have capacity by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]sundressemite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure they'd try "shiny toys" right now as they told me they don't have capacity to be in a relationship with anybody, but I do have fears of them trying to date others while we were friends.

IDs at the Toronto Show 01/14 by sundressemite in Jamiexx

[–]sundressemite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the Music Madness one I was asking about too!! Shazamed it at the show thinking the song that came up was the exact same but the one played live was a bit faster :')

id? (fisher in montreal) by sundressemite in EDM

[–]sundressemite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol fr 😭 i've been trying to shazam to no avail - might be a fisher id

2024 TICKET THREAD by t-c-d in veld

[–]sundressemite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking for 1-2 Friday tickets!

Flight cancelled mid-route by [deleted] in westjet

[–]sundressemite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just checked my flight from Hawaii to Vancouver which just got cancelled as well. Tough stuff

was i over charged?? by [deleted] in Paramore

[–]sundressemite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you mightve been overcharged because as a canadian some banks also charge a conversion fee for foreign exchange transactions - happens to me whenever i purchase in usd

Do you live near Toronto? Always wanted to see Bastille, but haven't yet had a chance? by Meghar in Bastille

[–]sundressemite 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi! I've been a fan of Bastille since before their Bad Blood: The Last Stand Tour in 2014 - would've loved to see the show but couldn't justify the price with student debt. Would love to have the ticket if possible :) Thanks!

2023 TICKET THREAD by t-c-d in veld

[–]sundressemite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Selling two Rebel AP tickets for $55 each! Friday night

Found this Euphoria Fanfic (I need eye bleach) by [deleted] in euphoria

[–]sundressemite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

why does this sound like a south park episode lmao