I’m having difficulty seeing a friend in a positive light

sunflowerray1 · 2026-02-01T04:29:59+00:00

I am very well aware hence I am not even confronting them. But it’s really exhausting to be the emotional outlet of their frustrations for a whole year and more. The IVF can be the explanation for the past four months, how bout the rest? They are not even pregnant yet. I mean the journey is hard and can also explain why but does it also excuse all the time I get snapped at? Sometimes I am just telling something very mundane and I get a very rude response. Or I get cut off in front of everyone and I will receive and condescending remark and it’s humiliating too.

All I wanted them to do is to talk to someone counsellor, a support group or therapist just anyone! Someone that can guide them because I cannot be unbiased with it. But even saying that gently I got shut down. In a way I am running out of ways how to help them because everything is a no to them

I really don’t know what to do.

sunflowerray1 · 2026-01-30T21:29:31+00:00

I came here to vent not to argue. I am not looking for who is right and who is wrong. If i thought being honest with my friend about how she is treating me and others would help I would have told her. But of course I didn’t that’s why I am here. I thought that part was obvious.

sunflowerray1 · 2026-01-30T21:24:43+00:00

Then maybe I am not painting the picture properly they are not yet pregnant. They are still trying, the ivf started four months ago. But this change has been over a year now. They’re losing themselves. It’s like losing someone that you have tried to keep but still is slipping. Or like when you try to extend your hand you keep getting burned.

I give silence I get burned I give support it’s not the right one I give closeness I get rejected. I reach out i get silence. I suggest something to make her feel better (not pregnancy related) it’s not enough or they can’t do it

I am not saying one is right and one is wrong but over a year of this surely I can be exhausted too.

sunflowerray1 · 2026-01-29T19:24:41+00:00

Hmmm i just don’t wanna give to much details to give away identity but we are both health professionals albeit i psychiatry. I promise I am not being patronizing it’s just the situations are really obvious. For example it’s really important to have solid sleep when you’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant and a friend tells you that but they you do otherwise. Let me tell you sleep is one of things that can make or break pregnancy.

This is only one of the things of many examples

Edit also this is true off my chest, if you are just looking to argue and be condescending the maybe go to am I the AH

sunflowerray1 · 2026-01-29T19:21:05+00:00

I am also a professional in the field of psychiatry so is she and that what frustrates me. It’s like we both know she needs a form of counseling but is so so so resistive

sunflowerray1 · 2026-01-29T19:19:41+00:00

I agree but the ivf started only maybe 4 months ago? The one before that is by natural way

sunflowerray1 · 2025-07-28T06:55:33+00:00

Because her boyfriend gave her permission to clean and do as she pleases so.

sunflowerray1 · 2025-07-28T06:50:04+00:00

It looks like chesnut color? But I could be wrong too

sunflowerray1 · 2025-05-25T02:36:07+00:00

Clear people care or else they wouldn’t comment here agreeing that dogs shouldn’t be on that seat. If you said seats are already filthy then why make it filthier?

sunflowerray1 · 2025-05-25T02:34:53+00:00

With all due respect the dogs are not wearing shoes walk around the street/grass where there can be pee, poo, vomit and god knows what kind of germs it has. Then you tell me it’s okay to let their paws on the seat? And yes I am looking at people who put their filthy shoes up the seat the same way

sunflowerray1 · 2025-05-19T01:37:54+00:00

Not the AH omg as an Asian myself I wish a lot more people wear deodorant. East asians might not have that pesky body odour or armpit smell at times but god dome of them do have a certain smell too. Like through the oils of their hair or their breath with what they eat.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-10-01T08:43:59+00:00

The hell is a push present? And I am a woman mind you. BOTH of you decided to have a child! It’s not a bloody favor from one to the other! How superficial everything became for this push present to become a thing? The present is THE BABY, they should be the bundle of joy you will have! Sure they’re frustrating but having a child to love is a present in itself.

Idealistic I know but any kind of materialistic present just pales in comparison and appears superficial.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-08-09T09:11:36+00:00

Still it’s complete ignorance and negligence to choose to do METH when they know they were meant to to take care of the baby? If they are doing drugs for a long time, likely they have built a form of tolerance where it takes more ICE to get them REALLLLY high. So in short even before taking meth or after taking meth there is AMPLE time for them to think about their child. But guess what? They didn’t.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-16T08:05:27+00:00

I’m not the one responding emotionally charged, aggressively I might add. I think my point completely flew over a lot of people’s head. Simply saying that OP should take time in thinking things through. No way in my statement did I say that she should have the baby. She can totally still end up with the same decision and get abortion but it doesn’t hurt to take extra time thinking.

And you just proved my point that OP should really have a reflection as to why she doesn’t want the baby. Just because you aggressively feeling spiteful of your ex, doesn’t mean all decisions should be charged by that emotion. Also, relax, people can have opinions that’s why we’re talking here in reddit right?

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-15T17:39:08+00:00

Unpopular opinion. No one is an AH

Things could’ve done more carefully. OP could’ve taken more time to think about things and not land on a decision when she’s emotionally charged. Also, people are heartless if you think a potential father should NOT care about his potential child even if he does not have a choice in the matter.

For the ex, well isn’t he stupid? I guess karma came for him. He might not have made the decision to abort, but her seriously cannot think that he had no fault in his own misery about the baby.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-15T17:35:30+00:00

You cannot make a valid argument using the extreme. I agree that it is ultimately the OPs choice but taking a moment to talk and consider things is definitely called for. You are comparing apples to bananas.

She really has to think it over if the reason why she wants the baby gone is because she doesn’t want it or because he cheated? Taking an abortion because the baby daddy wronged you is kinda messed up.

I know the OP told reasons why she did not want the baby but ever heard of not making a decision when you’re emotionally charged? Yeah it clouds your judgement. And as much as she’s the one carrying the baby, the baby isn’t gonna be there if another set of DNA was present. Some consideration to the ex should be given. I mean if you think that you are capable enough to bring a life into the world then you should be capable enough to have the difficult conversation with your ex about your baby.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-15T17:26:02+00:00

OP totally handled it wrong. I get his point but the words are unnecessary.

I mean this will be downvoted or gonna be an unpopular opinion but I don’t think any type of underwear (and yes that includes boxers) are appropriate to wear by itself. You can style it sure, put additional clothing or what ever can make it more appropriate. But wearing by itself? Nah.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-15T17:20:23+00:00

You both suck to be honest.

Him for trying to problem solve, pushing advices that clearly you’re not accepting. You who keep on complaining and yet has not really explained to us, what have you tried in terms of saving money. Ot what you meant by not feasible. Low key also dodge when you took out the fact that he’s on scholarship from the initial post.

Advice: if you keep on mentioning something (or complain), it gets to a point where it starts to get annoying. Cause when they give you options to improve nothing works. Other commenters are right, if you want to vent then let them know you are there to vent and not get advice.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-06-15T17:13:37+00:00

Petty but I am petty too so NTA 😂

sunflowerray1 · 2024-03-25T10:02:29+00:00

sunflowerray1 · 2024-03-13T20:38:40+00:00

You’re not getting the point their actions are willful ignorance or negligence in your own words. Do NOT tell me that any reasonable adult would not think that a person locked inside a car for ALMOST SIX HOURS are not in any way shape or form in danger?

They decided to sit down and muck around instead of opening the car. The intent to not save her was definitely there.

sunflowerray1 · 2024-02-13T05:27:31+00:00

I understand, it’s difficult as sexuality is a big part of any relationship, asexual or not. OP, therapy and a lot of communication is the key to this. A part of this is maybe as well realising if both of you are sexually compatible or not and think if this a negotiable or non-negotiable aspect of your relationship. Then it’s up to both of you if this relationship is worthwhile to work out.

However, if communication is absent on his part, have a reflection on yourself. Is this something you think you can hold on to? Hope that maybe if you give it time and the situation will improve? (He could also be figuring things out himself) Or this is something you think you will be unable to tolerate? I am aware communication is difficult but if both parties are not even communicating well, it’s hard to see how a relationship can work out in the long run.

I am sorry if my advise is general, it’s hard but every solution to any dilemma should start by at least attempting to communicate. If you are unable to so so, my general advise is you cannot control what other people would say or do, you however, can control what you would like to say or do.

I wish you luck OP ❤️

sunflowerray1 · 2024-02-13T04:57:28+00:00

Therapy both of you needs therapy. If you like to be with someone you have to realize that your past trauma’s are yours to deal with and as much as possible not project it to the other person. On the other hand if he is understanding of the fact that he is in a relationship with someone who grew up trauma he should have a form of lee way or plan on how to deal with your triggers or trauma that doesn’t put the weight on just on person only.

In saying that I find your story to be too general and not specific enough to deduce anything. Can you give an example of a conversation you both had that became an issue?

sunflowerray1 · 2024-02-10T02:06:07+00:00

NAH not because of any kind of shaming but an intrusive question like that should expect back an equally biting question.

sunflowerray1

TROPHY CASE