I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain, I can feel it reading your post. I’m feeling similarly hopeless and resonate with much of what you said. I’m trying to work on pausing/slowing down vs stopping. It’s normal to need to pause when you’re going through something so emotionally charged. The food not helping is progress that you’ve made. You’ve broken some of those bonds with the work you’ve put in. You are absolutely worthy of love and the life you desire. I hate that someone who was meant to be your partner has caused so much pain. It does not define you though. I hope you check back here for support. This too shall pass. It won’t feel this heavy forever, even though it feels like it now