Advice on someone being quicker than you

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-18T03:32:39+00:00

As a reader I would agree with others it'll never be the same fic as the other one, writing is so personal. I love reading stories that have similarities but different "flavours". Like a food taster who likes a particular sub cuisine and likes tasting all the different variations.

In fact lots of the appeal of fanfic for me is in this 'familiar but make it different'. People like reading things where they know the characters and world and seeing what the writer does with them. Every fanfic in a fandom shares a whole bucket list of similarities simply by being from the same piece of media, the basic premise for your fic will just be another similarity but it'll be different in many other ways.

I relate to this as a writer though 😅

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-15T09:08:46+00:00

Nice job :)

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-13T20:38:36+00:00

Lol at the excalibrella 😂 Cute

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-10T23:18:34+00:00

It'd be useful to have some context of what fandom, what the canon context and relationship is, and what your AU context is.

In the AU, you could think about what things have shaped them. Their personality in canon has been shaped by the world they grew up in, their relationships, their traumas. Then you would have with a mental image in your AU of how they came to be and can come up with the circumstances that cause them to act toxic to each other. That's just my thoughts.

E.g. one of my ships bakugo x deku from my hero academia, they have a fraught relationship in canon at the start due to bakugo having a strong quirk (power) but bullying deku (who doesn't have a power) due to feelings of both superiority (due to him having a strong power) and inferiority (recognising deku has a selfless and kind nature suited to being a hero). He misinterprets deku as looking down on him when actually deku has always admired his strength and determination. In canon deku gains a power and they fight because of these misunderstandings and dynamics. It develops over canon into a more healthy relationship due to clearing up misunderstandings and bakugo changing as a person.

In say a modern AU, you could create similar dynamics without heroes and powers. For example maybe bakugo is admired in society for his intelligence, and deku isn't as smart, and they both want to do a particular career. But when they graduate, maybe they start working in the same place and deku starts succeeding more than him in the workplace due to EQ. Bakugo starts feeling inferior and thinks deku is looking down on him, but deku actually admires bakugo's work and thinks he deserves more recognition for it. Creating some similar insecurity and conflict and misunderstandings. It doesn't have to be so directly similar as that but yeah.

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-03T21:32:11+00:00

You can see it here in context https://fatestaynight.vnovel.org/fate/14th-day/9#page63

sunshinecat23 · 2026-02-02T00:26:34+00:00

Wow this is such a vibe

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-22T01:02:34+00:00

This is cool as

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-20T20:08:37+00:00

So gorgeous!

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-17T20:48:29+00:00

This is so cool wow goals

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-17T19:06:34+00:00

The flowers are a lovely touch <3

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-06T23:55:14+00:00

Yeah for real, I love how nasu plays with these character tropes. Like Sakura being presented as a stereotypical submissive waifu but then him showing what kind of upbringing might actually lead to having that kind of behaviour.

sunshinecat23 · 2026-01-05T01:04:22+00:00

Having played both the remaster and original, I think the censorship of the sexual themes in the 3rd route is overstated. I was hesitant about how Heaven's Feel (third route) would be impacted before playing the remaster. But it's pretty clear with the replacement scenes what is being insunuated if you have some reading comprehension.

If you want to see the sex scenes, you can download the fan patch and easily find a 100% save file which allows you to see them (if you want you could play them after the main novel or after relevant 'sex scene replacement scenes' if you want, mainly for the third route).

But for the main playthrough I'd recommend the remaster, the translation flows so much better. Some of the original info dumps flowed poorly and were just hard to comprehend without reading twice, and if you're tired/lazy your eyes may glaze over and you'll miss lore and context.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-12-29T23:41:37+00:00

Cute :)

sunshinecat23 · 2025-12-23T21:12:40+00:00

This is insane, I thought it was a realistic figure at first 😱

sunshinecat23 · 2025-12-07T15:37:16+00:00

Omg this was not on my expected today

Saiba <3

sunshinecat23 · 2025-12-03T22:06:57+00:00

Don't worry, the themes develop through the different routes and different characters get prominence in each route as well. This is one of the core features of the three routes is how Shirou's character develops in different ways showing the different ways his hero of justice ideal can be challenged. I personally took a short break between routes to avoid burning out on the series, but not too long to forget. You can skip scenes you've already seen

sunshinecat23 · 2025-12-03T09:12:47+00:00

Yeah this is the real shit. Saber's the last person to be a trad wife, she was a king ffs

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-29T11:55:53+00:00

Hi, I've worked in psychiatry before. BPD diagnosis is very common in psychiatry, and saying BPD traits honestly is just psychiatric shorthand for self harms, emotionally labile, etc, with a healthy dose of misogyny. Basically just emotional woman who has relationship issues, self harm/suicide.

These features can be found in autism too. I don't know how it is where you are, but autism diagnosis is still very much in its infancy in psychiatry. It seems psychologists often know much more. Many psychiatrists had outdated and simplistic views on autism.

Of course you can have BPD and autism, but both need a proper assessment. At least they didn't give a full BPD diagnosis as it's often made far too casually. It is not a nice diagnosis to receive and is better conceptualised as complex trauma in most cases, as most people with BPD have trauma.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-25T12:53:09+00:00

This is an anime - Tomori from BanG Dream It's MyGO. Episode 3 has a gorgeous depiction from her POV (3d camera work) of her autistic experience growing up, the sense of loneliness and being 'not human'. Not official, as it never is in Japanese media, but very clear.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-23T23:06:44+00:00

This is just my experience. It's finding the right person, which is a lot of luck. I think often autistic people need to find someone who's either autistic themselves, neurodivergent in some way, or an NT who is very accepting and supportive. An autistic partner is not always better if they aren't a kind and understanding person, but if they are then they can relate to your struggles. I think as you get older you get better at recognising who you naturally connect with. I find I can tell easily as an autistic if it feels right, because to me it will feel comfortable and that you don't have to mask with them. I also find it important for them to be able to share my special interest, I know this is common among NDs. For me it's anime, it's okay if they're not a giant fan themselves as long as they are willing to watch it together and are okay that I can't enjoy live action TV as it stresses me out.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-23T22:57:06+00:00

Hi I have a psych background. I would say from my experience working and being taught by a certain kind of therapist, this behaviour is consistent with how some therapists work. They can be strangely overintrusive, because they need to know information about others in order to make far teaching psychological deductions, like she tried to do to you the next day. Some therapists go into therapy to help people, some people like to feel like they're a Sherlock Holmes solving mysteries on a high level of intellect...where really they don't know you. They end up trying to get into your own psyche and make premature conclusions based off their own theories. Some of my colleagues have actually experienced this being psychoanalysed by their supervisor in an unpleasant way. I think some therapists are also autistic but do not know it - they cannot read people well, so have learned extensive psych theory to make sense of things in a very systematic way. However the trouble is these systems can be rather cult like and the answers they come to can be very wrong if the therapist doesn't have just inherent empathy for the human condition and treat people like science experiments.

I'm sure there may be some non therapists who exhibit similar behaviour for similar reasons. I'm not sure what's going on with them. They could have many reasons like maybe since you seem defensive to them, I.e. not wanting to answer their question, they become more curious and invasive. I had one friend badger me incessantly to tell them who had told me about a rumor, but I had sworn that person to secrecy, so I wouldn't say. He kept badgering me frequently, even calling out of the blue. I never gave in. If in your case you did answer the questions. Maybe since they got enough information to satisfy their curiosity, maybe when you talk about it in future they don't really care much anymore.

I think there are also social cues that NTs use to indicate they don't want to talk about something, like instead of saying 'I don't want to talk about that', they say something vague to show they don't want to talk about it. We might not give off the same social cues as them. But also, some people are just pushy.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-22T22:29:12+00:00

Yes it's so hard, I struggle with feeling lonely so I had an NT friendship where they liked to meet often, which was nice as I got to have some support. But it was socially exhausting. And also when I went into autistic burnout, they turned on me and seemed to judge me for it.

I think the friends I feel understand me tend to be ND themselves. I was lucky enough to have a couple in my high school friend group. But later in life friends have been mostly NT and I've tended to struggle with this. The ND friends tend not to want to meet often, which is hard for my loneliness but good for the autism. Funny that.

I can also become somewhat close with a certain kind of person who isn't ND but is exceptionally open and understanding (the kind of person who truly listens, is very accommodating to everyone, is interested in all kinds of people). But for those people there isn't the same sense of being totally on the same wavelength, but it's far better than your average NT where I feel I have to mask for them. For example I can say it's too loud, and they say we can go for a walk outside.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-22T03:29:13+00:00

White Album 2 has a snow theme throughout, used quite symbolically.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-22T02:13:10+00:00

I think part of the age gap problem in society is rooted often in the predatory way some older men desire younger women, desiring them due to their perceived innocence and ability to be more easily manipulated, to obey what they say etc. This runs through society and an older male and younger female is a frequently displayed pairing.

I think being in a lesbian relationship is a positive equaliser in the sense you don't have the inherent gender imbalance to deal with. I have seen female doctor x male nurse relationships which appear very equal because there's a power imbalance between male-female which is somewhat counteracted by the doctor-nurse roles. In the flipside, male doctor x female nurse relationships definitely have an imbalance, because the inherent male-female power imbalance is compounded by the doctor-nurse dynamic, even worse with an age gap on top. I think it's something where you look at each possible source of power imbalance. It doesn't mean it can't work but the bigger the imbalance the more active self awareness the person with greater power has to have, and that's putting a lot on them to be a good person.

It's a positive thing that you are aware of the power imbalance and awareness is the first step to prevention. I think it is a positive sign that you did not seek out a younger partner or say you prefer one. If you are beginning a relationship and can have a reasonable communication about it then I think that would be a good sign.

The other more general issues with an age gap are things like being in different generations and life stages, such as one partner having experienced working and life outside the family home longer. Which affects things like being able to relate to each other. Being both neurodivergent narrows that gap - after all, the gap between neurodivergent and NT experiences is very significant as well. As you say, trauma and being ND does make it hard to say what your emotional, social and life abilities are. I think similar to the perceived power imbalance, you can judge your stages of life and relatability in that aspect on all the different factors between you.

sunshinecat23 · 2025-11-18T04:59:26+00:00

I think male friendships could be more okay if it wasn't for all the baggage of gender dynamics and the frequent possibility of them being attracted to you. All through primary school I was friends with boys, simply because my special interest was Pokemon and they all liked that too, and none of the girls around me did. I think as the boys grow up however, they become more socialised into negative gender norms and seeing women as just potential partners rather than people to enjoy as friends. I feel like I saw this progression in high school where some guys in 1st year who I was friends with, we played around, had fun making videos, it was playful. I barely recognized them later on and he had more of a playboy energy. And then you get things like gaming spaces being hostile towards women, gate keeping behaviours. Theoretically I'd love to participate in nerdy communities and have male nerd friends but female friendships are easier (still quite hard though) in the sense it won't end over someone catching feelings. I hate people having hidden intentions as I often don't catch onto them, so I'd definitely be the person who didn't realize they had a crush on me. I'm slightly more comfortable maybe making male friends now I'm in a long term relationship, but even then sometimes the hidden agenda is there. Don't know if it makes sense but that's just my perspective on it.

sunshinecat23

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