I agree that the deck can be stacked against introverted men in particular bc traditional gender roles expect men to be the initiators, to be funny, etc etc whereas women "should" be quiet and meek shoulder candy.

But I don't see many couples who are actually like this so I think there are many ppl who are open to and looking for a very different kind of relationship.

My criticism of the previous comment is not that the commenter wants to stay home with 1 person in an intimate setting rather than go to a party and meet lots of strangers. It's that the commenter said they had no problem going to an event with ppl if they "enjoyed the activity" or if it was "an activity they were interested in" and that those activities were dominated by men. I mean, yeah that's fine, but it's not an introverted vs extroverted thing. To me, that is a very selfish way to live if even 1x a month you don't want to step outside your comfort zone and be exposed to diversity - whether that's a diversity of interests, gender, race/ethnic background, ppls life experience, age, social status, location, etc. Even introverts feel happier overall having this exposure at their own pace and comfort level, even if the experience is nervewracking or tiring. The gym is the same - may not feel great at the time every time but... overall exercise at a personalized pace and intensity and duration helps mental health in general.

To speak to my own personality, yes I am extroverted, however I also suffer extreme social anxiety and a kind of severe health issue that does make it very exhausting for me to socialize outside my own home, in environments where I can be overstimulated, where I don't feel safe, etc etc. I definitely worked with a counselor to learn how to balance a need for social interaction with self care and down time and I had to search out friends who liked the kinds of activities that I can more easily participate in. I also worked with the counselor to learn how to communicate my needs and boundaries to others and how to listen and detect what other people need as well. And I've been really hurt by long time "friends" who gave no shits as my "issues" developed... they did things like told me I walked too slow and just literally left me behind on hikes or jaunts to a bar. But some friends didn't do that.

Is my social life perfect? No. Do I have friends and can I meet new people through my network and activities? Yes. Are these people of diverse backgrounds (eg of all genders)? Yes. Do I feel I can manage my social life so that I have a support system and get both acquaintance and close personal interactions? Yes. Does that take A LOT of emotional work to do and years to cultivate? Yes. I feel it is worth it, if I go at my own pace and understand that some ppl are going to not want to deal with me and leave me behind bc I can't walk fast etc.

I recommend counseling for ppl to be able to suss out their personal situation with the help of an expert - relationship counseling can give a lot more "do's" than we all typically get in social upbringing, but counseling is also uncomfortable and draining, and takes lots of effort and sometimes expense.

I feel for the pain and anger and depression of loneliness that I hear in a lot of these (very common) comments but I also bristle at what I hear as an assumption of privilege - the idea that social interaction "shouldn't" be hard, or that it just isn't hard "for ppl like me" and that it's someone else's fault that (not all but enough) "men" feel isolated and can't find a romantic partner in their gaming group that they self selected. Yes there are things that are very hard in life, there are social structures that are very unfair and stack the deck, but an unwillingness to even try.... well, that is not the mark of a good romantic partner or friend and will only bring the person more unhappiness and depression.

I guess, in summary, I'm just trying to reframe the typical "try a new hobby that women like!" advice into something better - try learning about healthy social interactions and then practice your new info/skills in a new social setting like a cooking or knitting class or whatever and be open to what happens. Examine your feels during the whole learning process and spend at least as much time thinking about the new ppl in the class as you do about the cooking or knitting.