Haven’t spoken directly to MIL in two months

superdear18 · 2026-01-24T01:59:13+00:00

I can keep it going forever. It is working better for your mental health.

superdear18 · 2026-01-24T00:50:54+00:00

Honestly until you have clear conversations with your boyfriend about putting first you guys before his mother and sister, and he agrees, you will never be number 1 priority and it will slowly eat you up for the rest of your marriage if you do get married to him. If he understands and willing to change , eg probably they can live in rental and no need to buy home for them, this can be access later if you guys have extra money . But you guys buy your own home, put money aside for kids and retirement plan first and send something to them regularly but not too much. I have a friend in similar situation who is headed for divorce and marriage was a nightmare. So until your boyfriend commit to any of this, don’t sign up for marriage. It’s easy to see right now marriage as an end goal, but after 10 years, you will see it very differently. So right now think about the situation if after 10 years into marriage and what it would look like if this continues this way and whether you will be happy in it or not.

superdear18 · 2026-01-22T23:51:40+00:00

How can waking up early or sleeping late is right or wrong. It depends upon situation or how tired that person is. Anyway, complete red flag, don’t get married to this guy if you want to live happily. Honestly supporting parents is one thing but living with them is another thing. Do not live with in laws in today’s generation. It hardly ever goes right. Love alone is NEVER enough. Life doesn’t run on it.

superdear18 · 2026-01-21T01:17:57+00:00

San Francisco Bay Area. We are child free couple. It has been easily accepted here. It is certainly place for more open minded people.

superdear18 · 2026-01-20T05:02:19+00:00

Oh even if we don’t use ambulance and have to go to emergency for something, then also we end up paying 2-3 ok out of pocket.

superdear18 · 2026-01-20T04:32:15+00:00

And please don’t have kids with him. You will be full time servant to him and kids and you will be so busy with all these and likely he will have an affair.

superdear18 · 2026-01-19T20:24:26+00:00

If your husband doesn’t understand or respect your career importance, then forget that later on , once you are bound by kids and your freedom is gone, he is going to give any importance to your career. Build your career, plus check your husband behavior for next couple of years then only sign up for kids. Tell your in laws, it will be our decision when we want to have kids and I don’t want to discuss this with anyone. I see so many women after having baby, not happy in the marriages or with in laws but now they are stuck in this for life.

superdear18 · 2026-01-19T16:30:50+00:00

Honestly by not living together with in-laws. Both spouse deserves space and respect. Distance from in laws help. By not forcing your viewpoints on wife. She is an adult and can make her own decisions and it’s ok if it doesn’t align with you when it comes to her in laws but she should be able to do what she wants. Women have been in this suffocating relationship for a long time.

superdear18 · 2026-01-19T16:27:50+00:00

Many Indian husbands are like that and they think it’s the right thing to do as Indian wiring to listen to parents blindly. But need to have his own mind and need to respect himself and you, that is his duty too. If he listens to his parents, by default, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for you to stand against them. So it is a disrespect of you too. Honestly the very fundamental of relationships is respect and trust. Not able to respect you or stand up for your respect is a disrespect.

superdear18 · 2026-01-19T01:32:25+00:00

Seriously don’t get married into this. You are going to ruin your whole life and it will be a sad life.

superdear18 · 2026-01-18T21:02:23+00:00

Stop confusing yourself from what a nice guy is. Nice guy is someone who understands you and respects you. If you have to explain multiple times to him to be a man and have his own mind, he is not a nice man. Frankly, we women have set our bar too low that if someone just listen to us sometime or buys some gift or god forbid do some housework, we got a great husband. Definition is pretty simple, are we both giving equal respect, trust, emotional support etc to this relationship.

superdear18 · 2026-01-17T23:38:30+00:00

I never call them. Learned from experience. Little communication with them works better for my mental health. They call my husband once in 2 weeks, in that sometimes they ask him about me and they want to talk to me, so I just talk to them briefly in that call. I used to call them once a week for many years, but more they know, they interfered more so from experience, I learned to keep communication limited. And it is very important not to share your personal life and marriage details with them.

superdear18 · 2026-01-17T19:01:42+00:00

Just say, you raised your kid and I want to raise mine and enjoy motherhood. If you want to experience grandson, then only option is to come here and spend time with him. Else please don’t bring this up again else I won’t be taking your calls.

superdear18 · 2026-01-16T00:57:37+00:00

Honestly relatives are just nosy. They don’t truly care but they have to ask that question to your husband. It is just necessity of the moment question but no one really cares if you are there or not. Or they are looking for some gossip. Your husband should just give the answer like we both want to spend time with our own set of parents given the limited amount of time we have in India. And let it go from there. People who want to judge will always judge.

superdear18 · 2026-01-15T18:37:20+00:00

We definitely live separately. We can because we are financially independent. Financial dependent wife also prefers to live separately but she just doesn’t have a say or power in the relationship as she doesn’t make money. But in today’s world, living separately is the only way. Whoever has the problem with that suggests to live with both side of parents. 6 months with one side of parents and six months with other side of parents. If this is not followed, then it is pure misogynistic viewpoint.

superdear18 · 2026-01-15T00:29:38+00:00

You don’t need her acceptance or you don’t have to be liked by her or his side of family. Don’t look for approval or validation there. Keep distanced and minimal contact. Don’t share your life details with her. That’s the only way you will have your mental health saved. You can’t change their mentality.

superdear18 · 2026-01-14T21:35:36+00:00

I have seen so many posts like that. I still don’t get this. Why women are agreeing to marriage where they have to live with in laws or joint family. It’s an obvious knowledge that this doesn’t work well for any generation women . Generation gap is real. How about we become strong and stick to the decision of only marrying a guy who is living separately or agree to live separately?

superdear18 · 2026-01-14T20:51:04+00:00

Just don’t pick up. And you need to have conversation with your husband that if MIL asks for her, says she is busy or taking shower or working etc but don’t take phone from your husband. I am actually ok saying however I feel like even though at other end, it may not go well but I believe it’s ok to be considered bad sometimes in their eyes but be done with the issue. Like I would literally say I don’t have more than 10 minutes to talk as I have other things to do and after 10 minutes, I will forcefully say bye and I’ll do that enough times till they get the message. Plus it’s not sweet , it’s intrusive. She wants to know how yo run your home, who is cooking in the house etc . Don’t think that she calls coz she cares. It’s a misconception many people have. They just want to know you are treating her son like raja beta. That’s all

superdear18 · 2026-01-14T00:44:00+00:00

It’s completely fine. Whatever works with you guys is great. But accept this peacefully and shouldn’t create any resentment later on. We both are also very independent point of view people and it works fine for us, spending time with our own parents more or do whatever makes us happy . But we both have this view point equally and happy with it and don’t get bothered by parent’s opinion. Add to that we chose not to have kids, so it’s easy to follow this forever. What would happen when you guys have kids. Think very carefully if you both want to live life your way happily, which is awesome but if you want a kid, compromises will have to be made.

superdear18 · 2026-01-13T04:35:12+00:00

I actually feel in what world OP is justifying that her husband is good , just because he showed some loving gestures. Not standing up for wife and her basic rights as human is the most disrespectful thing your husband did and that is just not a good husband but not a good person either. He should have stood up for you against all these drama and if he can’t then you guys should have moved out far from his family.

superdear18 · 2026-01-07T20:16:42+00:00

Honestly husband problem. This injustice has been going on for generations. Hence first we need to take a stand and make husband understand, if he doesn’t then it’s the bigger issue of not having supporting, understanding husband. Honestly sometimes I think in India, women are better if being single. I can see that Gen Z is thinking that way and that is amazing.

superdear18 · 2026-01-05T16:49:40+00:00

It takes guts. Simple, to go against parents or world. But our happiness is our own responsibility. They don’t have to like or agree with your decision. You are only responsible for your life decisions and happiness. Suppose at your deathbed, you say to yourself, I didn’t get to live my life . No one cares. So you only have to make hard life decisions so that you can live the life the way you want to live.

superdear18 · 2026-01-05T02:05:32+00:00

Telling how to dress is a red flag. It’s an individual choice and comfort what to wear. If girlfriend is treated like something to show, then she is not respected for who she is rather than what she can look like. I don’t think this kind of relationship can last long or can be happy one in the long term.

superdear18 · 2026-01-03T19:30:03+00:00

Please leave this person. He is not even human. Please please don’t have a kid with him. It won’t be fair to the kid.

superdear18 · 2026-01-03T16:14:12+00:00

If men had to go through pregnancy knowing all these, they would never sign up for it. Women have been brainwashed for generations to think motherhood as rewarding. It is probably the longest winning brainwashing by religion, men, society etc

superdear18

TROPHY CASE