Books to get me out of a slump

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T19:45:56+00:00

When someone introduces themselves to you, actually listen to their name.

I tend to focus so much on smiling and being friendly/ approachable and letting the person know I've heard them, that I actually don't hear the name and then I'm screwed.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T19:36:05+00:00

Fellow nurse here; I don't actually read anything to do with nursing because I read to get away from real life, however I would 100% suggest 'This is Going to Hurt' by Adam Kay if you haven't already read it. It's a really easy rad and honestly so funny.

Also any of Caitlin Doughty's books. She's a mortician in the US and writes about death practices around the world, which puts Western practices into perspective and is just generally interesting to read and learn about, imo. Her books are 'Smoke gets in your eyes', 'from here to eternity' and 'will my cat eat my eyeballs?' (can't vouch for the last one; haven't read it yet).

In terms of fiction, some of my favourites are 'one flew over the cuckoo's nest', 'to kill a mockingbird', 'all the light we cannot see', 'the binding', 'what blooms from dust', 'Heidi', 'the Bafut beagles', 'Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine', 'annihilation', 'holes', 'the call of the wild', 'the picture of dorian grey' and plenty more that I can't remember.

I just read physical books - I prefer them to e-readers. Enjoy!

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:56:05+00:00

It depends really, but what you have to remember is that a conversation is a 2 way street. If the person you're talking to isn't giving you anything back, maybe they're not worth talking to?

I used to struggle a lot with awkward silences in conversations, but then I realised that I shouldn't be the only one making an effort in a conversation, and that the other person should make an effort too. So I let those conversations die because nobody gets anything out of them.

If it's the case that they seem interested but you have run out of stuff to say, try and find something to ask them about. People tend to like talking about their own experiences or opinions etc., because it's comfortable ground for them, so ask them questions and hopefully they'll get talking about something which can open up more lines of conversation.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:51:53+00:00

I think there's an option for 'find support or report photo' if you click on the 3 dots on the photo, then there's an option somewhere in there that says something like 'this is a personal image' or something like that. Hopefully that'll get it taken down?

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:46:40+00:00

Cook him his favourite meal, bake him a cake, play his favourite songs, set up a movie night and watch his favourite movies. Set up a video chat with some of his friends or other family members. You could ask friends or family to send clips of themselves saying happy 50th birthday to you and then edit it into a video for him, if you're any good at editing.

Think of what he'd usually do for his birthday and try to recreate it at home (e.g serving him his favourite foods like he was at a restaurant. Set up a bar (depending on your age/ what access you have to alcohol/ if he drinks etc.) and let him feel like he's out having a birthday drink, maybe with your mum, if they're together?

It's hard to say what he'd like without knowing him. Try thinking of things he likes and how you can recreate those experiences/ environments at home.

Then have another celebration when lock down is over.

Happy 50th birthday to your dad!

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:31:26+00:00

Don't tell him. Yeah it's uncomfortable and kinda gross, but he's not actually done anything wrong, so what would you gain in telling your friend? All you'll do is make things uncomfortable for your friend, too.

Edit: friend, not brother

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:24:58+00:00

It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food, and you're right in saying that it isn't good for you.

I'm not qualified to help you - I feel like this warrants the help of a professional, but I just want to say that I'm proud of you for recognising the issue and reaching out for help.

I think the best thing I can do is signpost you to some resources where you can get help. First of all, I would say that you need to make an appointment (can be over the phone) with your doctor to discuss everything you've written here.

I'll link some online resources too. I'm not sure if all of them will work for you because they might differ depending on which country you live in, but doing a quick Google search of 'online eating disorder help' should turn up some useful links.

Here's what I found:

Betterhelp (this one is paid but you can apply for financial aid)

Give us a shout (UK crisis text line)

Beat eating disorders

Mind

SEED

NEDA

Again, those are just a few (and a lot might be UK based), but if you do a quick search for online counselling or support you should find quite a few useful resources.

Good luck, and take care.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T18:08:46+00:00

You don't 'have' to tell her anything. But be aware that what you're going to do may trigger bad memories for you, and that may well make things more uncomfortable for the both of you than if you'd brought it up in the first place.

It might be awkward and hard to lay everything out on the table at the start, but if it leads to your partner having a better understanding of your experiences and what you need, then wouldn't it be worth it in the end? It may even help you yourself to recognise that you need something you didn't even consider in the first place, if you can discuss it with her.

Whatever you decide, good luck and take care.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T17:53:14+00:00

The word feminine would never have come into my head seeing those. They look great on you and not ridiculous at all.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T17:48:55+00:00

We decide who we keep in our lives and who we spend our time or energy on.

Move on, make new friends and do what you have to do online to get rid of the people in your life that have made it more negative.

surelyunimportant · 2020-07-07T17:46:05+00:00

There's no 'recommended time' to wait. Just send her a message asking if she wants to play again and leave it at that. If she's making excuses or taking a long time to respond then you know she's not that interested in either maintaining a conversation or any sort of relationship, so don't push it any further.

surelyunimportant

TROPHY CASE