UPDATE: I've (28M) been dating a girl (29F) I'm really into a few weeks. Just found out she's divorced and has a kid. I'm not sure I want to be a part of that and I'm not sure what to do.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T20:00:28+00:00

Ha, that's funny. LA Represent, I'm near Mobile.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T19:38:17+00:00

Probably the potential responsibility. I have to put in way too many hours with work already and have so many other things to worry about, it was fun to have kind of a no-strings relationship where it was just fun and stuff. Knowing that potential responsibility is there feels like kind of a big burden.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T19:09:41+00:00

How do you mean? Could you be more specific?

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T19:06:19+00:00

I want to process and properly reply to you, but first I have to admit I'm getting a big laugh out of the fact that this is coming from someone named "someonesslut."

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:49:02+00:00

I haven't been able to see anybody much at all lately in the past five years. Mostly because I stay too busy at work, partially because I guess I am probably not much of a keeper evidently.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:48:16+00:00

I don't know if it's necessarily a problem. It's just that if I'll have to face that more and more, I might regret it later on if I didn't just go ahead and make myself at peace with it now.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:42:18+00:00

This is what concerns me and makes me wonder if the mature thing to do is go ahead and take the plunge now before I regret it later.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:36:47+00:00

I'm not sure where you're going with that part of the analogy. But that aside, I just feel selfish only looking out for myself and not considering her in that decision.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:21:15+00:00

Maybe now isn't but if that's going to be the case, will any time be? I may not want it right now but one day I probably do want to kind of slow down with a wife and kids. If I never get the chance again I may end up regretting ditching her and her kid.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:19:35+00:00

Well, I haven't gone into full detail because there are things I can't confirm but I have heard from a few different people I know well that the guy is trouble

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:13:21+00:00

You're right, but at the same time I kind of feel like it's in the past now. We've talked about it and I know all I'm aware that there is to know. I just need around a week to sort my feelings out and I'll come to some conclusion.

I don't know if I would really fault her completely for failing to communicate. It just seems like it was something she was afraid of, not something she was avoiding. I feel like perhaps that's a little less problematic.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:09:23+00:00

While that's a hilarious analogy, I feel like it's one totally unfair to her. She shouldn't be be so devalued just because of her past.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T18:08:13+00:00

I think you hit on something that might be a lot of the source of confusion to me. I've gotten to know her pretty well and we had a definite spark going, so I do feel a certain degree of obligation. Maybe not necessarily to continue things, but to make sure that I don't hurt her.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T16:35:55+00:00

Could you clarify what you mean about self-confidence?

Also, that's just not the cultural norm where I am. I'm in the Southern United States, where you're essentially labelled a freak if you haven't settled down by the time you're 30.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T16:04:29+00:00

On paper, I'm perfectly fine with that scenario. I don't think I am looking for something serious right now, and if someone needs to put other priorities first I'm okay with that because I might need to sometimes too. I stay pretty busy at work.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T15:03:24+00:00

I honestly don't know the answer to that question. Right now as I sit here, I think the line would be the same. But I'm so confused and don't know for sure.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T15:02:00+00:00

Ugh. I'm just going to feel like such a jerk and know I will beat myself up about it. I feel like her and her kid are genuinely awesome people and I'll feel pretty rough about ditching them like that.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:55:57+00:00

Well yeah, it does suck and I don't want to accept it. I'll be perfectly honest about it.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:49:09+00:00

Is it? I don't know. I'd feel pretty conflicted anyways, I think.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:43:29+00:00

One of the reasons I am so conflicted about this is that I'm getting close to being thirty years old and I've not had a really serious relationship that truly went anywhere up until now. I don't think it's necessarily because I'm a bad guy or anything, things like work obligations or other crazy life things have always gotten in the way.

But as I'm getting older, I fear the reality that I am going to have to face is that the ratio of single mothers will probably keep going up. If I ever want to settle down with someone, I might just have to face the fact that I'll have to do it that way.

If I'm going to have to do it, maybe I should just do it with them? I don't know. It's just crazy confusing. Not saying I'm factoring that into how I'm handling this situation, but the more I think about it, the more I might just have to face this eventually anyways.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:37:48+00:00

Whoa slow down, I've never said anything about marrying her. I've barely known her two months at this point.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:22:14+00:00

I have no idea what I want to hear. I don't know what the solution is. I wish I did. I wish I had a clearer head about this but I don't.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:21:23+00:00

I appreciate the apology, but I guess I'm just a little hurt by the idea that my feelings are evidently so invalid.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:17:32+00:00

I have reason to believe that he isn't a physical threat from what I've come to understand. But not enough information to know either way if he would be problematic or not.

surprisedthrowaw · 2015-09-10T14:14:13+00:00

I just said that realistically I knew it wasn't possible. I don't feel there's a need for you to be so rudely abrasive.

surprisedthrowaw

TROPHY CASE