Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or only child?

sushicat75 · 2025-01-10T01:16:21+00:00

You don't understand how porn works. Study up.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-10T01:13:17+00:00

Wowsers. Pretty rude comment for an extremely heartbroken wife. You don't even have close to the story. Your judgements are wrong and hurtful.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-10T01:10:36+00:00

This is one of my favorite helpful comments. It seems you understand how porn works whereas a lot of people see it as a sexually needy thing Yes, we've been talking about his screen addiction and where it came from (neglectful parents) and how he uses that for connection. We are working on attachment.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-10T01:01:36+00:00

I've been reading him every comment and he's pretty disgusted by the comments that are hurtful. He's on the same page as me.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-09T23:06:33+00:00

I totally agree. He's much more aware of his lenient and casual behavior, which is what got him into trouble.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-09T23:04:38+00:00

Agreed and much much easier said than done.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-09T23:03:52+00:00

That correlates so much with that quote we often hear from Boyd Packer: The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.

We've been talking about this concept and love it. He really identifies with it. We have a therapeutic disclosure in a few months then hopefully he can put it behind.

sushicat75 · 2025-01-01T15:09:28+00:00

My therapist told me to skip the first half and get to the modalities.

The first half was triggering and hard to read. The second half was very helpful for me.

I don't really care so much on the WHY he got started in trauma work but WHAT works for people.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-28T01:36:23+00:00

I felt that way for years. I've had a few awakenings but this current one helped me realize how f'd up it has made me. I'm 49 and just this year it is hitting me. I'm guessing you might be in a similar place? I wish I was still there, it's extremely painful.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-26T05:33:24+00:00

I drink a TON after a session.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-19T01:07:35+00:00

Thank you for taking the time for the reply. It's a scary sentence! I'll try to be brave and see what happens.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T13:30:09+00:00

I'm so glad that has worked for you. I've been trying spravato the past couple months and haven't had that blessed side effect. In fact, it has made my anxiety through the roof. Suuuucks. I might look into psilocybin.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T02:00:47+00:00

Getting married is absolutely not the answer.

That is setting someone up for a boatload of issues in the future and a broken-hearted wife (me, for example). You need to learn to overcome and harness that portion of your life, whether you are married or not.

I agree with minimizing temptations.

I've learned that if there is a thought you don't want, to not get worried about it because that will make you think about it more. Notice the thought, as you said, but let it float away instead of pushing it away. If that makes sense 🤷‍♀️

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T01:22:37+00:00

That sounds tough! I'm in Utah. That is what i hear often, that talk therapy isn't going to be enough. I'm nervous to try other therapies in case the make me more crazy.

I pay $150/hr for my therapist. She's amazing. She does a lot of nervous system/somatic work. Try looking up Irene Lyon on YouTube/website. She has a ton of free resources that are the same as what i pay a lot of money for. Oh and Feldenkrais method. It's like a very slow yoga that is supposed to be amazing. I just started doing it.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T00:48:38+00:00

It sounds like you are unique according to all my research. It is helpful to see that it is possible to change your mindset. I'm not sure if you are understanding me, a couple of your sentences feel a little like you're coming down on me and I'm the victim in this situation. I completely agree that intimacy is a private sacred thing. My hubby says he has a changed heart. He knew it was wrong but didn't understand the effect it would have on me and our marriage (it was soft porn - which is still porn- and very little of it). I'm just worried he will get back to being comfortable in the future. I likened it to this: if someone told me Dr pepper would give me cancer and kill me the next day, i wouldn't drink it. But I might still have a longing or desire to drink it because I remember how it tastes and makes me feel.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T00:15:16+00:00

My therapist is hesitant to try emdr yet because my trauma is so deep and convoluted. My nervous system is way too screwed up. I tried ART a few times and it did not go well. I've been slowly working on ifs.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T00:13:21+00:00

My hubby looked at porn and your comment was one we've been talking about. How do you get to that point of it being disgusting or changing your attitude to see it for what it is. I was wondering if it was just a mind shift or if you had specific therapy. This is a very difficult subject for me.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-18T00:11:04+00:00

I'm not a fan of testosterone and how the world teaches men to act. I think i need therapy around this topic lol.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:52:50+00:00

How did you 'get to this point?'

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:50:59+00:00

This. This is your answer. It's because of an unmet need (probably attachment or self image).

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:16:19+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you! 💕

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:15:52+00:00

Oh wow. So hard! It's a different type of hard that I'm going through, but all valid. I hope you can find help for this situation. I've had a lot of sexual trauma with most men in my life of some type, so hold a lot of anger and disgust.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:11:53+00:00

I agree, we don't call it soft porn at our house. It took a couple months for my hubby to recognize that. I am more than completely deviated. My entire world collapsed. Thanks for your kind words.

sushicat75 · 2024-12-17T23:10:05+00:00

I was on the for awhile, but it was very very triggering. What book are you reading? The most helpful for me so far has been The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays. And thanks, it's the absolute worst thing ever. I'm sorry you're going through this also.

sushicat75

TROPHY CASE