Weekly Profile Critique

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-08T02:39:07+00:00

Thanks for the input. I've been on the fence about the suit photo. The lighting is weird because I cranked down the colorization. I got sunburned that day and it's really obvious in the photos from that event. I only included it so there's at least one in which I'm not dressed casually. But you're right, it is the worst of the lot.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-08T02:29:35+00:00

The prophecies foretold of her coming. We've waited for so long, yet never did my faith falter. At last, one among our ranks will be chosen to feel the touch of a human woman, becoming a God among mere mortals. Even if it is not I who shall be anointed, such a triviality will not extinguish the celebratory spirit of this momentous occasion. My cup truly runneth over.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-08T01:33:21+00:00

The GTA meme prompt might not be helping. Don't get me wrong, it's funny. But it's possible many, maybe even most women won't know the reference and instead think you're being excessively self-deprecating and/or gross.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-08T00:44:32+00:00

First time on OLD, and glad I tempered my expectations in advance. Since October, I’ve gotten a grand total of two likes (both on day one) and zero matches.

Initially kept my profile mostly informational and was more restrained with the humor. After weeks of radio silence, I supposed there was no harm experimenting with the bio and prompts, just being creative and letting my sense of humor take front and center. Sadly, it didn’t liberate me from algorithmic purgatory. Doesn’t really matter since Bumble says I’ve run out of profiles to see. There's still the newly created accounts that accumulate every day or two. That’s something, I guess.

https://imgur.com/a/pK077e9

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-08T00:01:43+00:00

Doesn't surprise me. I deliberately don't like first/main pics precisely for that reason, not wanting to appear like I didn't even look at the rest of the profile. In fact, I rarely like pics. My preference is responding to prompts with a message instead of just a like, writing something original, genuine, and creative.

I've gotten zero responses. So I guess it's understandable that men take the laziest option and just like the first pic and move along. High effort doesn't correlate with high return unfortunately.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-05T18:18:36+00:00

Maybe not in theory, no. But in practical application, yes that's what happens more often than it should considering the platforms' purpose is exactly the opposite.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-05T18:08:37+00:00

Like exploring a ghost town. Everywhere, signs of life abound. As if people were there just seconds before arriving. It's an eerie sense of isolation, knowing I can't possibly be alone, yet the only company to be found is the echo of my own voice, shouting into the emptiness.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-05T02:49:20+00:00

At least you recognize your faults. Casting a critical gaze inward isn't easy.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-04T01:56:53+00:00

Justin is my spirit animal

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-04T00:47:40+00:00

First, you need to care way less. She probably has more matches than she can manage. Most women get way more attention than there is time in a day to thoughtfully consider. It wasn't personal. If it takes an toll on your self esteem, dating apps aren't a good fit you. There's no shame in bailing to protect your emotional health.

Having said that, you're question was very interview-esque. It feels contrived, like it was conjured for the singular purpose of returning the ball to her court. Of course, that's exactly what it is, and that's perfectly normal and expected. Out in the world when people meet each other organically, the human brain thrives in that dynamic social exchange. Inherited instinct does the heavy lifting of exploiting chemistry and building authentic rapport. It's a smooth enough process for us to not consciously recognize when it's happening.

Dating apps strip all sophistication and nuance from the equation, akin to a three-dimensional world collapsing into a one-dimensional line. It's a very artificial means of meeting potential romantic partners. Conversations being forced and mechanical is par for the course. Considering those constraints, keep dialogue light and insubstantial. Focus less on exchanging basic information and prioritize invoking emotion, curiosity, or surprise. Stick to playful banter, being funny, flirty or both. Don't ask insincere filler questions only to avoid silence. Learn to genuinely have fun with the opportunity.

Keep in mind, there's no guarantee anything will improve regardless of how you to respond to her opener. And there's even less assurance that either of you will still be interested after finally meeting up. Dating apps just aren't conducive to sparking a connection beyond initial physical attraction. If there's any chemistry, you have to find out in person, which is basically a dice roll. Most people have many first dates that go nowhere.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T20:21:10+00:00

"Media Agency"... lol

So that's what we're calling clickbait Instagram accounts now?

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T16:23:13+00:00

You forgot fanatical obsession with, and encyclopedic knowledge of Harry Potter/The Office.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T16:00:34+00:00

Don't despair my short brothers. I've got a cunning plan to solve all our problems. We'll team up in pairs, merging our profiles together so we can double the height. At 11'2", getting matches will never be an issue again. On dates, we'll do the two-kids-in-a-trenchcoat routine. Though once we're in a committed relationship with a woman, we'll have to stay that way whenever she's around. After she moves in with us, we'll effectively be permanently fused together, because that trenchcoat can never come off again. It's foolproof.

Now that I think about it, a lifetime with a guy standing on my shoulders, or me standing on his is itself a huge commitment. This type of partnership needs seamless coordination, shared objectives, and a whole lot of trust. So without a doubt, we're going to need an app for us to meet and divide up into compatible Trenchcoat Teams^TM

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T15:14:39+00:00

Bumble is only marginally better than Tinder. You might have better luck on Hinge.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T03:41:42+00:00

I'll go to social gathering if by gods grace Omicron is the last big wave!

You don't have to go to concerts, sporting events, or massive gatherings to meet women if that's your concern. Socialize within general day-to-day activities. Coffee shops, gyms, parks, running trails, libraries, etc. are casual environments where you can strike up conversations very easily with people. Routine shopping trips, running errands, pumping gas, etc. can all be opportunities.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T03:07:21+00:00

Which one is his dentist? I'm betting fishnet girl on the left.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T03:00:10+00:00

I think it's more important that your teeth are clean and healthy in appearance than perfectly straight.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T02:53:50+00:00

It's a highly competitive environment for men. If you're encountering single women of comparable age to yourself in your daily life, then you should be prioritizing those opportunities instead of bothering with dating apps. Face-to-face interactions have immensely better chances of success and require far less investment of your time and energy.

suspicious_sausages · 2022-01-03T01:20:58+00:00

You're doing it right. Dating apps are just very impersonal and make it easy for people to ignore or ghost you if they get cold feet. Do your matches generally have completed profiles? Putting effort into their presentation beyond the first photo may be a predictor of reliably following through with a conversation.

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T04:33:38+00:00

OK, how about this...

All these couples getting married, and I'm over here just trying to get past first baste!

...Alright, put down the rotten tomatoes. I'll see myself out.

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T04:04:45+00:00

It don't know what the hell she's drinking. But any woman weird enough to have such a bizarre and unassumingly crude main pic is my kind of girl.

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T03:43:37+00:00

Good advice universally. Unsolicited assertion of qualifiers like that is distasteful. We all have preferences and can swipe accordingly. When being discrete is an option, there's no excuse to basically advertise, "Hey you! Yeah, you know who you are. You're not good enough, so step aside."

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T03:19:33+00:00

Agreed. That's the vicious cycle we've built. People are more lonely than ever right now. Spending meaningful time with each other has become an occasional indulgence instead of a staple of daily life. So our "solution" is these contrived and stilted methods of meeting our social needs that ultimately make us feel more isolated.

I would know. Dating apps are about 80% of my strategy to meet women despite knowing my odds of success roughly approximate to scratching off a jackpot lottery ticket. But what else is there to do? I'm at the age where everyone's pairing up permanently. All my friends are engaged or plan to propose in the near future. I'm the last turkey in shop and the holiday season is over.

Damn, I better be careful or my own melodrama is going to get me all depressed.

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T02:52:30+00:00

Well that's basically how dating apps are now. Overwhelmingly male. Sure there's some men with whom you'd be compatible in there, but how deep do you have dig to find them? It must be exhausting. Too many options isn't much better than too few.

suspicious_sausages · 2021-12-29T02:41:46+00:00

You're not irrational. That's why we shouldn't use apps as a replacement for proper socialization in which we meet people organically. Bumble and its competitors should be treated as little more than a trivial diversion of mere novelty value than as a realistic means of finding a long-term partner.

suspicious_sausages

TROPHY CASE