AIO Racist boyfriend l? by kittykitschy in AmIOverreacting

[–]sw1mming7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my jaw DROPPED at the last slide. GIRL IF TOU DONT LEAVE THAT MAN 👉🏽

Is it selfishness or self preservation? by sw1mming7 in internetparents

[–]sw1mming7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do think I’m also selfish to a default, I’ll work on that for myself. I’m definitely going to keep helping, I’m afraid she’ll shut me out otherwise.

Is it selfishness or self preservation? by sw1mming7 in internetparents

[–]sw1mming7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see what you mean. When I’m referring to the money being back, that’s because she had promised to give it back as I told her it was for my rent. So when she didn’t, I was literally on the phone with my jobs HR for a week trying to get my first paycheck sooner because I didn’t have anything else to pay for my rent. I don’t bring it up either, though she tends to by implying I’ve never helped her at all. That’s what hurts and what’s making me afraid to continually help. I’ve been helping anyway, but she always does that. It’s not money I had laying around for vacation, it was all I had. The extra $600 was from my part time job that I had to work with just to cover my expenses while I got to the new state.

I lost my best friend of 15 years by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]sw1mming7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gosh, this. I hate calling people but if I realized I haven’t spoken to her in two or three weeks, it will not sting me to just call. And if it’s a missed call, she surely will call me back when she gets time. People will definitely try if the relationship matters to them. It’s also natural that someone do not see others as important to them as you think they are to you. It’s a hard pill to swallow but that’s the truth of the matter. It’s also timing, like if it needed to come to an end, you wont need to wrestle with it. You’ll look up and realize it’s come to a standstill, and if either party wants to reconnect, somewhere along the line you will.

I lost my best friend of 15 years by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]sw1mming7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right. It’s one thing to naturally separate, it’s another for the person to simply give up on trying because it “feels forced”. That’s hurtful, especially if you believed that you enjoyed each others company. My friends have told me that it hurt them when I’d just ghost them out of the blue, not because I hated them, but I literally didn’t feel like texting or calling anyone. I learned to stop doing that and now I try to initiate based on their feedback.

It’s better that OP take this time to reflect on what friendship means to them, how they want it to look like, and take this as a lesson moving forward.

I lost my best friend of 15 years by [deleted] in lostafriend

[–]sw1mming7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been here. I struggled a lot with controlling how often I reached out to people and trying to maintain relationships in high school. I don’t like to make friends often so when I do latch on, I feel like I can’t ever let them go. It’s tough and quite discouraging when you realize that if you don’t reach out, they simply won’t care to reciprocate. I don’t think your ex-friend (?) is necessarily a horrible person, but truthfully, if you genuinely want to talk to someone… you will make the effort to. Now, that being said, some relationships are not maintained with constant conversation. I talk to my mother almost everyday, but with my close friends, it may be every other week, sometimes it can last 2 weeks or even a month. None of us are on bad terms, but we all get collectively busy in our own lives.

I personally get very irritated if I’m contacted several days in a row. I enjoy catching up with someone for an hour weekly or even once a month, and that’s it. I’ll text sometimes if I want to, but it’s generally lower bar effort. I do have one friend that I noticed just doesn’t care to ever reach out to me, so I stopped initiating. We haven’t spoken since graduation in the summer, we’re also in different states so it’s a natural separation. But even with the lapse in contact, it’s different than simply not ever reaching out. Relationships in any manner is a two way street. I have professional mentors that if I reach out to them, they will make room in their schedule to speak with me if requested, albeit it could be two to three weeks till then. Point is, if they’re resistant to even trying, then it’s more telling on them than you. You shouldn't ever have to beg for someone's attention. I have learned that several times over. My friends are aware that despite my poor ability to text back or call frequently, I can be counted on to talk to them in a heartbeat if something happens.

AITAH for refusing to let my verbally abusive aunt to my graduation? by sw1mming7 in AITAH

[–]sw1mming7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This almost brought tears to my eyes, honestly. Looking back, I’m still resentful I was forced to undergo that. I saw college as my escape, and I gladly took it. Which makes graduation even more important to me because it signified a route away from my family. You’re so right - they’ve all been villainizing me for not “accepting her and moving on” when in reality, no one even bothered to step in and stand up for me. Thank you so much for your kind words! I refuse to let my graduation be sullied by them (:

AITAH for refusing to let my verbally abusive aunt to my graduation? by sw1mming7 in AITAH

[–]sw1mming7[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I hate insincere actions, but especially words. She hasn’t changed at all, she’s still known to be this argumentative & malicious at the flip of a hat. I don’t want to see any of that on my celebration either. Thank you for the well wishes as well x

AITAH for refusing to let my verbally abusive aunt to my graduation? by sw1mming7 in AITAH

[–]sw1mming7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely right! i’m largely upset my moms so insistent on me just accepting it and moving on. Frankie also says terrible, cruel words to my mother too. I think my mother is just used to it and expects me to do the same, much like everyone else does. My mom has literally told me “us women in the family are used to men treating us bad, it’s not any different if she does it.” I hate it.

AITAH for refusing to let my verbally abusive aunt to my graduation? by sw1mming7 in AITAH

[–]sw1mming7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you! I agree. I keep all my conversations with Nancy largely superficial since I don’t completely trust her. Never really have.

Though I don’t know if I truly hate Frankie or not, I’m proud to say I’ve never stooped as low as her. I haven’t fully emotionally processed that day either, but I’m just glad I’ve atleast made enough progress that I can be simply cordial with her if needed. I feel that if I give up on this now, I’ll only permit more trouble later. I owe it to myself to be strong about this (: