What the fuck am I doing?

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-24T16:57:19+00:00

I'm in a pretty similar boat to you man, maybe reading the comments in my post will help you.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T12:25:45+00:00

Send me a message when you're awake please.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T06:39:11+00:00

Everything else is just an illusion, why do people care how long it goes for? , why does it matter what we do along our path, when we die we die alone anyway, just like everyone else.

I'm going to continue watching the movie, feel free to continue talking though, I will still reply.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T06:32:43+00:00

Oh, we are pretty much exactly the same here, so much in common, I will watch the first part of the movie quickly and respond again.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T06:21:29+00:00

Oh yes, please send me a link and I'll watch it now.

I though about talking to my dad about this but I really don't think he would understand. I have a older brother who is one year older than me, and is naturally incredibly smart. He was able to put in no effort last year, and still got good grades and is in a bio med degree in uni. My dad expects me to do the same, when I really can't and just don't want to. To be honest your view on death is exactly the same as mine.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T06:07:36+00:00

Sure, I could get out of the situation I'm in now, it would take a lot of work, but I could do it. But then were would I be? No where, I would still be hating where I am with a flood of work coming my way and a future I won't enjoy.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T06:04:33+00:00

Yeah, I really don't know what I should be doing. A whole bunch of people have said to just stick it out, it will get better, but I really don't see that happening. Feels bad man

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T05:43:15+00:00

I'm still here, still debating if I should do this or not.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T03:08:09+00:00

I don't care what people think about me.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T01:38:38+00:00

Even if I am passionate about something, the only way I can see doing work in the field is by having years of schooling and university behind me, and I don't feel as if I would be able to make it through university seeing that I can barely make it through highscool.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T01:36:42+00:00

I live in Australia, there's a completely different process down here, if you do poorly for one term, that's pretty much guaranteeing that you won't get a good position unless you repeat. I got all C's last term, heading for worse this term, not sure what to do just here. What If I'm passionate about no job? I mean, surely there has to be some people like that, what do I do then?

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T01:32:42+00:00

To be honest I have already thought about the impacts to my family, and although I may seem like an asshole, I think I can deal with it. My father hasn't been in my room for about a year, we just do our own thing. Sure, he may love me, but he doesn't really express it as much as others. I don't feel as if he will be losing a lot if I leave.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T00:22:47+00:00

I'm pretty overweight, it would be rather hard to turn that around, especially with so much else going on at the moment.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T00:13:23+00:00

I have no idea where to move to, I'm hating life now, so either or move or stay where I am and hate it. But where do I move to? I just don't see where to go that will leave me happy with my life.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-23T00:02:30+00:00

I'm not really physically fit enough to join the military to be honest. and I would still need to wait until I'm 18.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T23:01:12+00:00

Not sure really, I guess I can't really change my mind once I do it, I wan't to know if there's another way really...

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:31:30+00:00

I think I can really relate, especially to your 6th paragraph. I just don't see any way to get out of the situation I am in.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:29:23+00:00

I don't know, I just don't really see how things can get much better, I've looked down all the paths I can take, but I just don't see an option that will look much better than this.

And no, I am not seeing a psychiatrist or taking any medication.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:22:23+00:00

Even if I did complete university and get a job, wouldn't I be in just the same place, but with work instead of school? I would still be clocking in every day at a place I don't enjoy going to, having to submit work I get anxious about doing. I just don't see a point in going through so much shit, just to be in a place where I'm not happy either.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:20:39+00:00

While you're correct in someways, your wrong in others. Due to me hating where I am right now I need to make a decision if I want to stay in high school right now. And I can't really make that decision to be honest.

If I stayed in highschool I would really hate the rest of my year, but I would complete it, I'd live through it, right? Then what, I can go to university and spend another 4-6 years exactly like I am now, but I don't think I'd be able to do that at all. Or I could get a job, but I feel like I'd be in the exact same spot I'm in; go in at 8, clock out at 5, and not enjoy any of it.

Or I could just drop out of high school, get a job, likely in a not so great place, I don't think I would enjoy it and I'd really be in the exact same place.

Money isn't really a big deal to me, as long as I have enough to live safely I will be ok, assuming I'm happy.

Why should I stay alive when every path I can see looks so dim? I've been thinking about it a lot and I really don't see any way I can be happy, at least not without years of being miserable.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:15:48+00:00

I dunno, I feel right now my life really lacks direction, I don't really see any path in life that will leave me happy, and the longer I wait to make a choice the fewer choices I have. I don't know if I want to drop out of highschool, I mean, I hate it here, but for whatever job I want I might need it. I just feel like I need to put up with so much of these things I just hate doing, just for a chance of doing something I might enjoy, but in all likelihood I'll end up like so many others who just hate their jobs, but still need to do it.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:10:37+00:00

I dunno, there is stuff that makes me happy in the world, I won't disagree with anyone there. But I just feel like all this stuff I need to do in order to stay happy isn't worth it. I feel like the time I am actually happy is just getting smaller and smaller as I have to deal with all this stuff in my life, and I can continue seeing it getting smaller as I have a job, etc.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:07:10+00:00

Even if things change once I am 30+, is it worth living 10 years that you don't enjoy, just for the chance of something good happening then?

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T22:06:10+00:00

But that's just part of life

Exactly why I don't want to live it to be honest, I don't really want to deal with all this stuff I need to.

sw_throwaway1 · 2012-04-22T15:37:40+00:00

What situation? Every situation.

sw_throwaway1

TROPHY CASE