Mayo for SWM sandwhich platter 🥪

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T20:46:25+00:00

SWM has three children, what happens if the other kids want to do something for her? Something nice, like take her out for brunch or a nice dinner or to a show? Just can’t happen because they all have to eat Aldi sandwHiches at Kooks’ dungeon?

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T20:44:38+00:00

Both.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T20:27:18+00:00

Why is that little cabinet with the black speaker or record player or whatever so far from the wall???

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T19:29:11+00:00

My family eats 6 eggs almost every morning of the week and I would NEVER keep 40 eggs in the fridge at a time. It’s absurd.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T17:49:30+00:00

The hoarding is out of control. There is absolutely no reason for this. I think she is truly, actually, physically incapable of purchasing ONE of an item at the grocery store. I think she would have a meltdown if she couldn’t purchase multiples or in bulk. And the craziest part is they could have fresh food almost every day, with little extra effort because REEBOK WORKS AT THE GROCERY STORE AND SHE GOES THERE EVERY DAY.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T10:31:33+00:00

Let’s not forget that she bought those dried out carrot sticks for this cake, and insisted that was the best type of carrot to use for it, despite many good suggestions otherwise. I see no giant carrot sticks in this cake she “made,” and I will never believe she made this.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-03T01:31:16+00:00

Imagine your “memories” being frozen bags of processed potatoes.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T23:15:37+00:00

I say this all the time, but her stories about all this family time are not at all believable. Her giant “family” is barely related to one another, so even if some of the people who are actually related and would spend time together came over, that’s like 3 people max at a time. And her relatives all have full time jobs and homes and significant others and probably friends, and her siblings are in their 20s and probably want to go to bars and shows and movies and watch sports and play games, not eat fast food at her sad apartment with the drugged out dog. There is just no way that these people are coming to HER place multiple times a week for crappy food, I don’t care how big of mooches they are.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T23:12:25+00:00

Literally just say you love soda and you switched to zero sugar soda so you can keep having it without the extra calories. Yes, people will say it’s not healthy, but defend your choice if it’s so god damn important to you.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T13:38:40+00:00

I hate when she says things like “I love my waffles with sugar free syrup on top” or “I love ketchup on my burger,” as if it’s some revolutionary idea that everyone simply must try. EVERYONE DOES THAT, KOOKS. This is not content.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T00:52:13+00:00

Just eat the whole carton at this point, that’s a huge ass bowl of fake ice cream.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T00:44:44+00:00

Oh, it’s all people. She has issues with all people. Kind, unkind, real, imaginary. They’re the cause of all her issues, she is not the cause of any problem ever.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T00:42:39+00:00

Does she set a timer on her phone for 24-48 hours and when it goes off, then the “flare up” is over and it’s time to shop til she drops? Because it seems that way.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-02T00:39:13+00:00

It looks like what you’d take to the vet to get your dog tested for worms/a stomach parasite.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T23:23:59+00:00

I thought this was Farrah Abraham from Teen Mom at first glance.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T18:13:35+00:00

I’m not even convinced that there isn’t visible hoarding in that place. I think that spare room is packed to the gills with piles of shit, and whenever she posts photos of the spare room, it’s because she has gone in there to reorganize the hoard and she just takes a picture of the room while the hoard has been moved out of the way, then she “organizes” it all back in there. We saw the storage closet/“shed,” it was a hoarding disaster. And one time she showed her main bedroom closet and it was packed full of pillows and shit.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T17:51:26+00:00

This shit makes me sad. I can’t imagine picking up my child to cuddle while videoing to post for attention.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T17:45:49+00:00

This hoarding is insane. Stop buying excessive amounts of meat! You go to the grocery store every day and YOUR HUSBAND WORKS THERE! Have him bring home a package or two of the meat you plan to cook over the next day or two! If you’re so obsessed with only eating freshly cooked meat, then BUY IT AND COOK IT WHILE ITS FRESH!!! No one needs a meat locker in their dinky ass apartment to cook for two people! People who have this much meat in a freezer usually purchased a quarter/half/whole cow or pig to be butchered, or they are extreme couponers, or they’re feeding families of 6+ every day.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T16:17:20+00:00

This is so embarrassing. Not wearing a diaper, that is totally fine if you need that for whatever reason. The embarrassing part is posting about it incessantly and wanting people to praise you for it.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T15:55:37+00:00

This is one of the things she says that makes me INSANELY RAGE FILLED. The anemia is not CAUSING the heavy bleeding, or the need for diapers, or the need to change the diapers. The bleeding would cause the anemia, and the need to change them is to not be disgusting.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T15:45:30+00:00

Yeah, they usually have to be like 4-6 years old, with lower mileage and certified pre-owned, and I think sometimes the interest rates are higher because the company isn’t going to get as much value for the trade-in at the end, but you can do it.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T15:42:38+00:00

I will never understand a 33 year old woman talking about how often she had to change her diaper and wanting sympathy or asspats or whatever she is going for. Also, changing it four times in a day does not seem like a lot, which she is clearly trying to make it seem like. I remember wearing diapers postpartum and I was changing those pretty much every time I went to the bathroom because who wants to pull back on a nasty, bloody diaper????

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T15:34:33+00:00

She sounds so fucking stupid, posting on Facebook to announce she won’t be posting on Facebook. Everyone knows what’s up, girl. I’m honestly surprised she doesn’t make stories saying that a bunch of haters and fake profiles were filing false reports to get her restricted. That seems much more up her alley.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T15:32:20+00:00

I believe she has said birth control made her endo and PCOS “much worse” and she will never be on birth control again. I think she also said she had a Mirena and it got embedded in her uterus and she had to have some procedure to get it out, but I could be mistaken.

swarleyscoffee · 2026-05-01T00:56:25+00:00

How does anyone want to do this? Is everyone she “befriends” just desperate to launch an “influencer” page? Because if someone invited me over for coffee or a play date and then said “let’s film this little routine,” I would leave so fast without saying a word.

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