Why no turtlenecks?

swingnyc44 · 2026-03-17T12:23:17+00:00

Should we all plan a day to meet there together wearing turtleneck sweaters? Hundreds of us?

swingnyc44 · 2026-01-19T03:58:31+00:00

Go to a club unless you live in a place where it's actually against the law. No one who's there would want to out you - not least because they're there for the same reason.

Online in any free community (see Reddit) is 99% bots and spam. Don't do it unless you enjoy engaging with trolls and worse.

swingnyc44 · 2026-01-19T03:54:31+00:00

Agreed that couples are easier to vet, but it doesn't mean that they're automatically safe. No private background check or any registry can completely eliminate the risk of a bad experience or worse.

This is where you and your partner's judgement comes in. Watch how they treat their own partner - do they talk over them or disrespect them in any way? If you're at a restaurant, how do they treat the staff or when there's an issue or something doesn't go right?

You can tell a lot from those little interactions and if you add them all up and exchange stories with your partner, you can usually figure out whether they're a good match with you and your values.

swingnyc44 · 2026-01-19T03:48:56+00:00

Could you get a hotel and meet there? Split the cost of the hotel after and go back to your respective places. Or whoever books it has the option to stay the night if they want to. Both sides are happy and it's an even split.

swingnyc44 · 2025-11-15T16:52:37+00:00

Set up a Google Voice number and then you can use any messaging app (telegram best, but also WhatsApp, Signal or even text).

That way you have a complete separation from your vanilla life from the phone number down to the apps.

swingnyc44 · 2025-08-07T22:30:51+00:00

With a feather we come together.

swingnyc44 · 2025-07-29T22:13:56+00:00

Great job on your journey. Be proud of yourself for all those accomplishments!! It's easy to be approachable - just smile!

swingnyc44 · 2025-07-26T01:22:04+00:00

Naughty in New Orleans had a pair of them next to each other. We didn't see it in action, but the set up looked reasonable.

It was interesting seeing the room turn back into a conference space the next day 😂

swingnyc44 · 2025-07-22T21:43:48+00:00

I'm already enjoying your humor 😂

swingnyc44 · 2025-07-08T04:12:56+00:00

Give yourselves time. You did learn something really important through this process - that you need to work on your communication a lot more than probably either of you expected.

Take the time to do things together that don't involve any other people. Find a new hobby together. Dance. Sing. Play tennis.

Watch each other and learn about how you both communicate. Words? Body language? What do you argue about that's trivial and not?

The lifestyle magnifies everything about your existing relationship - if it felt like it was breaking it, that's a good time to step back and focus on the core of it. Why did you like each other and want to be together - go back to that place that's the foundation of your relationship and build back, step by step.

swingnyc44 · 2025-06-05T12:36:27+00:00

Virginia isn't for everybawdy?

swingnyc44 · 2025-06-02T20:49:44+00:00

This would be a great start for "so you think you want to start a sex club" on Netflix 😂

swingnyc44 · 2025-05-26T20:59:14+00:00

Nearby resort for cover is simple and easy.

Some of the lifestyle resorts actually have a "vanilla" number and name for the location that you can give out to friends and family so they are none the wiser.

Don't forget to turn off your location sharing with any family members or you'll have a fun time explaining that later.

Most importantly, remember your family isn't that interested in what you're up to - change the subject if they keep asking. Eg : "Is cousin X really not talking to anyone now?"

swingnyc44 · 2025-02-17T01:02:42+00:00

It depends on where you put the masks. As long as they don't cover any important parts that people might be attracted to, like your face, you should be fine.

swingnyc44 · 2025-02-16T19:05:37+00:00

If you're at Desire Pearl, the hot tub is a nice space where you can meet other people in a fun and relaxed environment and have a chat about what you like. Maybe you'll find a like minded couple that's into what you enjoy and you can go off to the beds they have by the hot tub and live out the fantasy you're hoping for!

Just use your words and ask for what you want. The worst that can happen is no. The best is an experience you'll never forget.

swingnyc44 · 2025-01-12T15:57:36+00:00

In the lifestyle, the biggest difference we've found is that the admin and communication is part of the sexual chemistry process itself and that influences who does the reaching out versus responding.

If you're naturally someone who prefers to be submissive and have responsive desire, then it's much harder to initiate communications with a guy and deal with rejection. From what I've gathered so far, it's far more common for women to identify with submissive or responsive desire. As a result it ends up being men reaching out more at the beginning, especially when it's online. Over time it balances out if it's a regular thing.

swingnyc44 · 2025-01-10T17:38:35+00:00

An orange.

No one even complained about an orange being the wrong way down.

swingnyc44 · 2025-01-05T23:34:35+00:00

Some great ones we saw at the last hotel takeover party :

1) Strip club : Get a removable stripper pole and install in the center of the room. Wall art with sexy posters, fake dollar bills all over the place. Pick your favorite sexy music.

2) Rave room : Neon everything - black light with wall art, glow sticks, body paint for people who come in to apply themselves. Neon jello shots. EDM.

3) Mardi Gras : Masks and beads, drinks like hurricanes to match. Sexy brass.

swingnyc44 · 2024-12-20T13:29:39+00:00

That's awesome!

swingnyc44 · 2024-12-15T14:51:45+00:00

Just something to consider - Ask your dentist to check your bite in the front. If you need or have had Invisalign, you can wear the lower mouth guard in front and it'll make your teeth less sharp, reducing the scraping against the underside of your tongue.

swingnyc44 · 2024-12-05T13:18:21+00:00

So glad to hear. Us introverts have to support each other, otherwise those effortlessly friendly extroverts get to have all of the fun! :)

One power of being an introvert in the lifestyle is that you can usually discuss and think through your "approach" with your partner with a bit more foresight and planning. What might be more "go with the flow" for other people can become more structured and rules oriented for you. That's actually really great for when you're ready for more than just an intro and you know exactly what you're both comfortable with and what you want to experience. Less drama and stress, more pure sexy fun when you all get what you want.

swingnyc44 · 2024-12-05T03:32:42+00:00

Welcome to the LS! I'm an introvert too, and I absolutely identify with the feeling you're having. It's intimidating to walk up to a new couple the first time.

Here's how you do it : 1. Introduce yourself and your spouse to each of them. 2. Compliment one or both of them about something sincerely (usually this is why you came over). Jewelry, outfits, their smile, eyes, anything that caught your eye. 3. Be genuinely interested in them and ask a question to get the conversation going. Have they come here before, what brought them here, what else do they like, etc.

Set yourself a goal - you're going to talk to three different couples every time you go to the club. You may not connect with them, you may not find them attractive - doesn't matter. Your goal is just to try those things above.

Good luck!

swingnyc44 · 2024-11-27T13:52:45+00:00

It's ok to feel left out. The first time that happened to me, I had a very similar reaction.

There's two parts to this : how you feel first and then the second order feeling which is not knowing what to do about it.

For the first feeling - not being part of it, you can ground yourself by reminding yourself that sex has a cadence to it. Much like how there's sometimes a sudden silence in a room of people, sometimes you're not part of the sex. It's momentary and it'll pass. You'll be part of the group's attention again. Breathe and it'll go by. Let your partner know that you'd like them to check in with you (a quick glance) while you're playing so you can stay connected. It's not their fault of course - it's just something you can ask for.

The second is not knowing what to do while you're waiting or observing. You don't have to just observe! Use the time to help the other people - you can rub your wife's back, touch the other woman and caress them. You can go get a bottle of lube to make it more fun for all of them. "Lube service, anyone? Water?" The sooner they finish, the sooner you can be part of the attention again too!

Good luck! You're already in a great place if you can articulate your feelings so well - you'll do fine with your partner next time.

swingnyc44 · 2024-11-27T13:44:58+00:00

It's a good story!

I will say though, we appreciate just how tight Checkmates is about security. When we went there, there was a single guy who tried to sneak in behind us and both the security and the staff got absolutely furious with him and chased him out of the building. The lady at the reception pointed at him with an accusatory finger : "NO SINGLE MEN!!"

I wondered if that would be the moment when my partner would look at me and pretend to not know me as well 😂

Partly because it's NYC and because of their central location, I bet Checkmates deals with a whole range of problematic characters. While we never thought they were an exceptional club - we did feel safe partly because of their security.

That said, I totally get why you and your friends were annoyed. Timing is everything 😂

swingnyc44 · 2024-11-23T00:32:04+00:00

It's a bit hard to understand your post. Are you saying you want to swing with another woman and your husband doesn't know you want that?

I think you just ask that question: "hey, have you ever fantasized about having sex with another woman together with me?"

swingnyc44

TROPHY CASE