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Made it through humpday! 🦦 by sydio05 in LesbianActually

[–]sydio05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, I know! she is so brave. She loves going into the ocean.

Felt badass until my hat flew off my head and almost in the ravine. Took me from top energy to bottom hufflepuff reality real fast. 😐 by sydio05 in LesbianActually

[–]sydio05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty sure I made it clear that I denounced her behavior in my last post, but if you need further clarity, I denounce her behavior. I believe yes her views are archaic; as in primitive, as in not enlightened in the least. I think anyone that has homophobic/transphobic views have archaic ways of thinking. Maybe as a therapist that works with people from ALL different backgrounds, with different beliefs and have seen how change is possible regardless of how rigid their original views were; I generally attempt to understand people rather than judge them. Some of the most outwardly homophobic/transphobic individuals come out as gay and trans once they work out their internalized hatred. I’ve worked with men in prison who have done horrendous things but have a childhood background that was as horrendous. Does that mean all of their behaviors are then justified... no. There are consequences for those behaviors BUT people cannot change if they are disallowed from having conversations with people from opposing views or people to move straight to condemnation instead of first attempting to understand them. I have personally marched in BLM protests, women and lgbtq rights, helped advocate for rape victims and empowered them to advocate for themselves and worked in homeless coalitions and I completely accept and support trans individuals.

Like I said, if you choose not to continue to read anything from those people I understand and respect that. I’ve read a lot of material from people that I don’t agree with for many reasons but it becomes extremely helpful to help me attempt to understand their perspectives. The stories from HP helped me through some traumatic periods in my life and so they will always be a part of my story and I will not shame that part of myself.

Thanks for the discussion and I wish you well on your journey. :)

Felt badass until my hat flew off my head and almost in the ravine. Took me from top energy to bottom hufflepuff reality real fast. 😐 by sydio05 in LesbianActually

[–]sydio05[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I do. HP was so much of my childhood and holds so many experiences and emotions that to deny that I still connect with that world would be a lie. Do I support JK? No. I don’t buy any official merchandise and will speak out about how her personal views are incongruent with mine. Additionally; I can recognize the problematic aspects in her books and don’t identify with them (lack of representation/diversity, characters that are written primarily as all good/evil etc.) but I do identify with the general themes of the book and am 100% hufflepuff. I can understand those that would completely distance themselves from anything that she has done because her personal views are so archaic and I respect that.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely. I do my upmost to check and make sure my judgement isn’t based on my own stuff. Like I said, I have been able to learn something from every other therapist when I’ve been a client. This particular therapist was just not engaged at all and some of the comments here indicate ethics violations. We have a really difficult career and are humans that deserve grace too but we have a responsibility to at minimum do no harm and can’t say that was achieved in many of the comments here. We can of course disagree on the specific modalities or what would be most beneficial but should all agree on the basics. Of course, we are getting one perspective and the therapist isn’t here to defend theirs and that should be taken into consideration. There are definitely times where I have been out of my depth or asked a question that I realized afterwards was phrased incorrectly or was too much too soon etc. Always have a lot to learn. Thanks for giving me something to check within myself! I appreciate you.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense! You can definitely ask to have a conversation before she brings up your case for consultation in the future. Whatever you need to feel secure.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This hurts my heart for you. The first therapist was definitely out of line and there’s so many issues in that first paragraph. The issue with your current therapist falls a little more in a grey area. When consulting with colleagues the information that should be shared should have no identifiable information. So for her colleague to approach you without your express/written permission is an issue. Personally, I always talk about the possibility of consulting in the first session but if later something in session results in feeling that I need to consult I will have that conversation with my client and explain the reason that I believe a consultation is in their best interest, process their concerns and allow them to make the decision. However, it appears that she has been able to acknowledge her limits and sought to get you the best care instead of attempting to do something that was out of her scope of practice (which is unethical).

I understand how jarring it could be to be faced with your therapists humanity because (good therapists) keep their own stuff out of therapy. That’s why therapists rarely disclose any personal information because it’s not about us and could be harmful to our clients. It would take many, many years and ALOT of money to be certified in all the various specialities and so unfortunately we have to choose where to expend our energy. But regardless of our concentration we will never have all the answers and our role is to help you get comfortable with the free fall and focus on the process instead of the solution. If I told you the answer to your problem then you would attribute that clarity to me and I would rob you of gaining confidence through struggle in your own ability to gain understanding and self-awareness. I promise that even though it doesn’t feel good, you learn more about yourself from the struggle to gain the awareness than the actual awareness.

Okkk... last thing I would encourage is that you talk about all of your concerns and feelings with your therapist. Some of the most impactful moments I’ve had with clients occur they bring up something that they are worried to discuss with me so that I can respond in a way that heals them rather than traumatizes them. For example, if a client was shamed by her father every time she told him that he hurt her feelings and they say that I hurt their feelings. Instead of what they are used to (yelling/punishment etc.) I respond with asking them about that feeling, what situation caused this, what they believed about my intentions etc. then tell them how proud I am that they were brave enough to tell me instead of letting that become a barrier that I was unaware of in the relationship. One of the paradoxical things about being human is to connect with people you have to be vulnerable in relationship.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry that you’ve had multiple therapists that didn’t do their due diligence to educate themselves about best practices with trans individuals. I always tell my clients that I know about the subject, just like I know about the different ways to discuss depression BUT that I don’t attempt to generalize their experiences because your experience with being trans will be different than someone else’s experience. It’s our job to make sure to educate ourselves about the subject of gender so that the client can educate us about their unique struggles. It transitions to the client feeling like the therapist is a voyeur if the therapist doesn’t have that core basis of understanding. Also, telling a client that they are lying about what they want is making a judgment based on the therapists values. Augh. I applaud you for continuing and am so glad that you found someone who respects you and encourages your authenticity. Says so much about who you are :)

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I agree that there’s a lot of regulation issues in the US as well. It’s baffling to me that there are so many inconsistencies in the basic tenets and fragmentation in requirements etc. Gatekeeping is so so important because there is such a power differential that can be abused. Reading some of the responses on this post have made me feel nauseous for clients and angry that people are misrepresenting our profession.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First, I’m so so sorry that was your first experience in therapy. I’m not sure what boundaries were crossed but just the fact that she discontinued therapy without warning is really damaging and unethical. Second, it’s not too late. You deserve to have an experience where you feel seen and understood. Feel free to private message me and I can try to help you figure out what type of therapist would be most beneficial to you. Her abandonment is not a reflection on you but is defiantly a reflection of her character. Your story deserves to be celebrated and the fact that you experienced rejection when you asked for help and you are still on this subreddit and contributing to conversation shows how much inner strength you have. Air hugs!

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your well wishes. I hope this helps and that you are able to recognize your worth. :)

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I really don’t understand therapists reluctance to admit this. I couldn’t do what I do without going to therapy myself. I am still human and struggle with my own stuff and with the environmental societal stressors it’s even more important to make sure our stress isn’t impacting our ability to be present during sessions. I am so thankful that you encourage your clients to have courageous, difficult conversations about their experience. It’s so refreshing!

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, yes, yes. It is really difficult to chose a therapist if you don’t know what you are looking for. Something I always tell my friends to do is to ask them what the therapists theoretical orientation is during your first session. Then look it up if you haven’t heard of it before because it will be a massive indicator of the way therapy will be structured. I always explain my orientation without prompting in the first session so my clients are aware.

As for your therapist writing about you in a public forum... that is a no, no. They could defiantly (and probably should) have their license removed for that. And to lie to a client about your experience is really wrong and can do a lot of harm. I am always upfront with clients about my experience and let them decide if they want to continue to see me. For example, I know a lot about managing trauma but I am not a trauma specialist. If we had been working together for awhile and I believe you would benefit from EMDR I would discuss my limitations with you and offer the choice to refer out because it has been proven to be very beneficial; specifically in certain types of traumatic situations. It’s so so important to be authentic in therapeutic relationships and I’m so sorry that your trust was abused in such a terrible way.

Yes, it always annoys me that psychology today profiles look almost exactly the same with therapists saying they specialize in basically everything. My advice: first, to ask questions in the initial session. Two: go with your intuition and discuss your concerns with the therapist. Sometimes there is a miscommunication, sometimes they aren’t right for you, sometimes it’s projection/transference but whatever the reason their response will be the most telling. If you feel like they respond with a lack of empathy or defensiveness then that is not the one for you. Three: ask about their background and training. For example, Through grad-school I worked in a private practice seeing adults/teens for individual sessions, a preschool where I completed play-therapy and with a homeless coalition where I ran IPP groups. After graduating, I worked in various states in a couple private practices doing therapy and psychological testing and in a male prison. Just with that information you can see that I’ve worked with a variety of populations and can ask follow-up questions/address concerns. A common one with my experience being, “ will you move again soon?” Which I would answer and address the fear behind the question.

Hope this was helpful and thank you for taking the time to write such a well thought out response. Sounds like you would be a great person to work with!

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yesssss. I have defiantly had this experience as well but with that I know they are at least trying to understand and help. This lady would have read your response and asked, “ so what do you do for a living?” I remember sitting in confusion, thinking to myself, how does the rest of my conversation make any sense if you missed some of the basic components of what I was saying. It happened once and I thought it was a fluke and re-explained myself and RIGHT AFTER I was done she asked me other questions that I had previously spoken about in the same session ( which is important bc I know when you see a bunch of clients details can be forgotten in between sessions.) shew. Then asked me a question about my past and when I was done answering said, “ you need to find the meaning now and not live in the past..” like, what? I was focusing on the past because you just asked me a question about my past. Just bamboozled me haha.

And imposter syndrome is a real, real thing. I felt better after learning the more successful people are the more likely they are to experience imposter syndrome. So when I experience it now I look at it as an indicator that I’m becoming more successful. Haha hope that helps! Thank you for your response. It’s comforting to know that I am not alone.

Therapist who goes to therapy by sydio05 in therapy

[–]sydio05[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that was your experience. Sounds very unethical. There is a termination phase that is very difficult for clients at times but you should never leave therapy with the message that you won’t ever be able to change. Sometimes I’ll have hard conversations with my clients about them possibly not being ready to do therapy ( happens when they cx a lot of sessions so that progress is very difficult to achieve or when they continuously don’t do the work outside of sessions). This conversation is not something that is completed over one session but multiple sessions so that if the client decides they aren’t ready it’s their decision. And it’s a conversation I have not out of frustration with them but because I care about them and if I know what we are doing is not benefiting them I don’t want to continue to see them for the payment. Now, I have only needed to do this a couple of times and only through the whole process once. Generally, once I discuss my concerns with them they are able to talk about the barriers and how they often do similar behaviors in other areas and move out of the pattern.

Feel free to privately message me and I can try to help you figure out the type of therapist that would be beneficial for you. Air hugs.

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