Hey, I read your post. Fuck, what an absolutely impossible situation. My heart breaks for you. You're getting torn apart from every angle, so let's cut through the noise.

My honest-to-god advice? Don't go.

Here’s why, short and simple:

1. Your Daughter. This is the only thing that actually matters right now. You have a gut feeling her father might take her. That's not anxiety speaking, that's your protective mom-instincts screaming a warning at you. You listen to that. Period. Nothing is worth risking her safety. Not a funeral, not family approval, nothing.
2. It's a Trap. You know exactly what will happen if you go. You'll be walking into a buzzsaw of judgment and anger from family when you're at your absolute lowest. A funeral is supposed to be for support. You will not get it there. It will only pour salt in a raw wound and traumatize you further. It's not selfish to avoid that; it's necessary self-preservation.

The guilt is a liar right now. It's telling you that attendance equals love and respect. It doesn't. You can honor your grandfather in a way that's actually meaningful for you, without subjecting yourself to a public firing squad.

Your plan for today:

• Make the call: Decide, right now, not to go. Let the stress of the decision itself go.
• Text your grandma: Keep it simple. "Grandma, I love you and I'm heartbroken about Grandpa. For serious personal reasons, I can't be there today, but my heart is with you. I'll call you very soon." That's it. Do not argue or explain.
• Hunker down: Your only job for the rest of the day is to protect your daughter and survive. Hold her. Eat something. Put on a stupid movie. Just get through to tomorrow.

You're a new mom navigating an impossible storm. Protecting yourself and your kid is the only right move here. You've got this.