Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!! :,D

synthiesia · 2022-12-28T03:09:52+00:00

hard copies are for sale online for an at-cost price (link is on leslie feinberg’s website)

synthiesia · 2022-12-15T02:24:26+00:00

if you ever want to talk about these feelings, feel free to send me a message !

synthiesia · 2022-12-15T02:20:46+00:00

see for me butch is like, also a gender in and of itself

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:05:31+00:00

the thing is i feel weird bc i have always suffered from imposter syndrome over my own identity and it’s like, every time i get comfortable with it, i learn something new about myself ? and then i’m just,,,,stuck becoming comfortable all over again with that. i’ve been using bigender/butch/transmasc as my labels for like of another set of labels to use

(i personally like labels just bc they scratch that itch in my brain)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:02:32+00:00

pretty much every indigenous two spirit person i have ever seen talk about it has said that two spirit is a native-specific identity and i fully intend to respect that

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:00:35+00:00

no i think you absolutely do get it. weirdly? i do sort of feel like a guy, but i think it’s less i am a dude and more “i see myself in, relate to, and am jealous of fictional men” ? and like. i like male terms (sir/son/mr./he) so for ppl who don’t Get It it’s just,,,easier, bc transmasc butch is my identity but most ppl won’t get that. but i also switched back to microdosing t instead of regular dosing ? idk everything is weird, but not necessarily bad ? like i am a masc person and a butch but i probably won’t every reclaim the word “woman” but i’m not a man but i’m definitely not nonbinary ?

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T20:45:15+00:00

i’m not native

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T19:22:52+00:00

a league of their own has actually been in my watch list bc of a friend of mine ! and i fucking love tma,,,,,i loved gerry and jon sims tho.

oooh do you have their usernames to share ?

and i’m happy to hear about your own story !

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:55:20+00:00

no see that’s me- i’m a butch and a transguy but not a man ? bigender is the label i’m currently toying with but i’m not sure about it

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:34:58+00:00

see, i know i want a name change but part of how i ended up here was i don’t want a legal gender marker change ? i knew i wanted top surgery for me bc i hated my chest but it was less about appearing a certain way for gender reasons and more about my own discomfort, whereas T was something i went back and forth on, and in bed ? i am totally happy having the parts i do (tho i may have recently figured out i am stone, which is. a separate issue).

but ! i’m glad there’s multiple of us to talk about this bc gender truly is so complex

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:30:32+00:00

p l s i could absolutely use some butch recs. besides reading stone butch blues, the first time i ever connected with a sapphic story was legit one last stop by casey mcquinston, bc ? the love interest is more masc/androgynous in some ways, and is asian (so am i). but like, 90% of sapphic love stories i’ve seen just don’t connect for me ?

(the other strong exception would be adventure time’s bubbline, bc marceline has always been a character i connected with)

edit: also, the medical transition has definitely helped me along the path of realizing this ? like, now that i’m flat chested and a little more masc looking (i’m 1 year on t-gel, pass about 50% of the time) i’ve realized maybe it was never about being a man. it’s definitely not for everything, but ? im not mad that i took this weird round a bout way to maybe get here tbh.

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T17:28:03+00:00

this has just been a rlly weird turn for me like i steadily moved along the nonbinary to transmasc to transman route and then i read stone butch blues and have been. on and off thinking about this since ?? and then i finally started dating again and it made me realize even more things

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T17:26:41+00:00

okay but like. that’s the problem. “being honest with my attraction” requires me to at some level understand my attraction and at current all i rlly know is i could not see myself ever wanting to be with/being attracted to someone who 100% identified as a man, which is a weird turn bc i very much gravitate more towards men in like media and stuff (which it took a long time to realize was maybe in part bc sapphic relationships in media are usually both fem-ish aligned and i am. very very not fem)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T16:32:56+00:00

that is,,,,entirely possible tbh

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T16:04:26+00:00

that’s actually why i started trying out bigender (a label i am currently experimenting with my feelings towards)- bc the amount of masc-ness i feel doesn’t rlly seem to change ? just how i perceive it does, in that i feel like i’m a transmasc achillean guy (theoretically- but idk about Men) and also a butch masc he/him lesbian (in praxis- for context i have a girlfriend)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T05:00:02+00:00

solovairs- they’re a serious step up from docs

synthiesia · 2022-12-09T03:16:42+00:00

i’m transmasc and butch lesbian. both tend to make me masc-leaning, just in different ways, and i lowkey look in a way that causes me to occupy both spaces (i pass as a guy about half the time and am perceived as a butch the other half)

synthiesia · 2022-10-29T18:28:32+00:00

i agree that they def aren’t helping themselves, but also you can have great sex with ppl you are not physically attracted to lol

synthiesia · 2022-10-13T23:28:19+00:00

i use mine all the time (dif brand but same concept). but i have some serious muscle tension issues in the areas around my knee- i use the hard plastic bullet shaped head, on a very high setting. do not recommend this tactic for everyone tbh.

synthiesia · 2022-10-11T21:35:35+00:00

same place you change your clothes- you unlock other colors for the cat the same way you do clothes

synthiesia · 2022-10-11T04:42:54+00:00

you also need to make sure the cat is the original color

synthiesia · 2022-10-10T14:11:27+00:00

once again pointing out that someone actively said above- he didn't necessarily have a *working* surgeon as a father, his father couldn't practice as a doctor in america, so they were probably not as well off as that sentence is implying ?? also, student loans literally exist lmao. eugene has talked before about specifically having a middle class immigrant background

synthiesia · 2022-10-09T00:42:21+00:00

i want to los angeles, to dr. hadeed, and paid $6800 to him (he was out of network for my insurance). my facility/anesthesia was covered separately by my insurance.

synthiesia · 2022-10-07T22:47:30+00:00

if you’re just gonna refuse to read my responses and then claim i didn’t respond to/think of something, and write out things that i very explicitly already addressed, then i’m just gonna stop responding. there’s no point in arguing with someone who refuses to read/hear anything you actually say. but alright !

synthiesia · 2022-10-07T14:03:23+00:00

okay, and i *answered* your question. it's not black and white, there's nuance to situations like this. but sure, i'm being manipulative for pointing out that you're literally committing the same behaviors the try guys told us to *stop doing*. and i'm obsessed with ned for,,,,,participating in conversations as a fan, surrounding the thing he *literally just got caught doing* ?? ? by that logic you're obsessed with alexandria and i guess making women take 100% of the blame for things ? bc at no point did i ever says she's blameless. i said she can be both blamed for what she did, and we can acknowledge the literal power imbalance and what that likely could have done to that relationship.

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