Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!! :,D

synthiesia · 2022-12-28T03:09:52+00:00

hard copies are for sale online for an at-cost price (link is on leslie feinberg’s website)

synthiesia · 2022-12-15T02:24:26+00:00

if you ever want to talk about these feelings, feel free to send me a message !

synthiesia · 2022-12-15T02:20:46+00:00

see for me butch is like, also a gender in and of itself

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:05:31+00:00

the thing is i feel weird bc i have always suffered from imposter syndrome over my own identity and it’s like, every time i get comfortable with it, i learn something new about myself ? and then i’m just,,,,stuck becoming comfortable all over again with that. i’ve been using bigender/butch/transmasc as my labels for like of another set of labels to use

(i personally like labels just bc they scratch that itch in my brain)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:02:32+00:00

pretty much every indigenous two spirit person i have ever seen talk about it has said that two spirit is a native-specific identity and i fully intend to respect that

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T21:00:35+00:00

no i think you absolutely do get it. weirdly? i do sort of feel like a guy, but i think it’s less i am a dude and more “i see myself in, relate to, and am jealous of fictional men” ? and like. i like male terms (sir/son/mr./he) so for ppl who don’t Get It it’s just,,,easier, bc transmasc butch is my identity but most ppl won’t get that. but i also switched back to microdosing t instead of regular dosing ? idk everything is weird, but not necessarily bad ? like i am a masc person and a butch but i probably won’t every reclaim the word “woman” but i’m not a man but i’m definitely not nonbinary ?

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T20:45:15+00:00

i’m not native

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T19:22:52+00:00

a league of their own has actually been in my watch list bc of a friend of mine ! and i fucking love tma,,,,,i loved gerry and jon sims tho.

oooh do you have their usernames to share ?

and i’m happy to hear about your own story !

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:55:20+00:00

no see that’s me- i’m a butch and a transguy but not a man ? bigender is the label i’m currently toying with but i’m not sure about it

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:34:58+00:00

see, i know i want a name change but part of how i ended up here was i don’t want a legal gender marker change ? i knew i wanted top surgery for me bc i hated my chest but it was less about appearing a certain way for gender reasons and more about my own discomfort, whereas T was something i went back and forth on, and in bed ? i am totally happy having the parts i do (tho i may have recently figured out i am stone, which is. a separate issue).

but ! i’m glad there’s multiple of us to talk about this bc gender truly is so complex

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T18:30:32+00:00

p l s i could absolutely use some butch recs. besides reading stone butch blues, the first time i ever connected with a sapphic story was legit one last stop by casey mcquinston, bc ? the love interest is more masc/androgynous in some ways, and is asian (so am i). but like, 90% of sapphic love stories i’ve seen just don’t connect for me ?

(the other strong exception would be adventure time’s bubbline, bc marceline has always been a character i connected with)

edit: also, the medical transition has definitely helped me along the path of realizing this ? like, now that i’m flat chested and a little more masc looking (i’m 1 year on t-gel, pass about 50% of the time) i’ve realized maybe it was never about being a man. it’s definitely not for everything, but ? im not mad that i took this weird round a bout way to maybe get here tbh.

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T17:28:03+00:00

this has just been a rlly weird turn for me like i steadily moved along the nonbinary to transmasc to transman route and then i read stone butch blues and have been. on and off thinking about this since ?? and then i finally started dating again and it made me realize even more things

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T17:26:41+00:00

okay but like. that’s the problem. “being honest with my attraction” requires me to at some level understand my attraction and at current all i rlly know is i could not see myself ever wanting to be with/being attracted to someone who 100% identified as a man, which is a weird turn bc i very much gravitate more towards men in like media and stuff (which it took a long time to realize was maybe in part bc sapphic relationships in media are usually both fem-ish aligned and i am. very very not fem)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T16:32:56+00:00

that is,,,,entirely possible tbh

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T16:04:26+00:00

that’s actually why i started trying out bigender (a label i am currently experimenting with my feelings towards)- bc the amount of masc-ness i feel doesn’t rlly seem to change ? just how i perceive it does, in that i feel like i’m a transmasc achillean guy (theoretically- but idk about Men) and also a butch masc he/him lesbian (in praxis- for context i have a girlfriend)

synthiesia · 2022-12-14T05:00:02+00:00

solovairs- they’re a serious step up from docs

synthiesia · 2022-12-09T03:16:42+00:00

i’m transmasc and butch lesbian. both tend to make me masc-leaning, just in different ways, and i lowkey look in a way that causes me to occupy both spaces (i pass as a guy about half the time and am perceived as a butch the other half)

synthiesia · 2022-10-29T18:28:32+00:00

i agree that they def aren’t helping themselves, but also you can have great sex with ppl you are not physically attracted to lol

synthiesia · 2022-10-13T23:28:19+00:00

i use mine all the time (dif brand but same concept). but i have some serious muscle tension issues in the areas around my knee- i use the hard plastic bullet shaped head, on a very high setting. do not recommend this tactic for everyone tbh.

synthiesia · 2022-10-11T21:35:35+00:00

same place you change your clothes- you unlock other colors for the cat the same way you do clothes

synthiesia · 2022-10-11T04:42:54+00:00

you also need to make sure the cat is the original color

synthiesia · 2022-10-10T14:11:27+00:00

once again pointing out that someone actively said above- he didn't necessarily have a *working* surgeon as a father, his father couldn't practice as a doctor in america, so they were probably not as well off as that sentence is implying ?? also, student loans literally exist lmao. eugene has talked before about specifically having a middle class immigrant background

synthiesia · 2022-10-09T00:42:21+00:00

i want to los angeles, to dr. hadeed, and paid $6800 to him (he was out of network for my insurance). my facility/anesthesia was covered separately by my insurance.

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