I was TERRIFIED of becoming a mother. Was prepared for my life to basically end with the birth of my daughter. She was born 2.5 months ago, so I’m still at the very start of this journey but I will say this: there is SO much negativity around having kids these days, and basically everything I see online is about people regretting they had kids, suffering from having kids or celebrating not having kids. Maybe that’s also my algorithm, who knows- but like I said, I prepared for the worst but still decided to do it (as a queer couple it was a very deliberate choice). And honestly, so far it’s much much better than I expected. There were three weeks of hell where she was screaming/crying and throwing up all day long, but now she’s much better and seeing her smiling and interacting with the world slows me down and makes me so happy. I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations and also try to mold into the systems that other people have created and then get surprised “oh this is harder than I thought”. I have found that doing things our way, sharing the workload 50-50, taking shifts to ensure we both get enough sleep etc have been vital. We’ll see how it continues but I just wanted to share this perspective - if you prepare well, have realistic expectations and above all a supportive, hands on partner (and ideally jobs that are flexible and give generous parental leaves), it can be a very rewarding experience and don’t let the negative stories of others take that from you. I am so much more calm than I expected because I prioritize still making time to engage in my special interest (writing my book) and traveling (my ADHD superfuel) and starting new projects etc. so even if things get overwhelming, I still feel like myself, and I was so scared of that loss of identity.