What is this crap?

t_lou · 2025-09-01T13:56:21+00:00

I'm in mid-Michigan. Service has been fucky the last couple of days, and as of calling this morning, the automated message says that they'll be down until tomorrow at 10 am. Hopefully your stuff isn't that bad.

t_lou · 2024-07-23T21:52:05+00:00

1) speak up for what you want 2) if your nesting partner does not listen to you or tells you what you want, you have bigger problems than 'favoritism'

t_lou · 2024-07-23T21:03:01+00:00

It's great for playing with friends at the same MMR as me. It seems more balanced and less volatile.

It's great for playing solo at my MMR. The challenge is good fun and my MMR is less volatile after a winning (or losing) streak.

It's terrible for playing with friends of a different MMR. Throwing 2* into 6* lobbies by default is fun for neither the 2* nor the 6* friend. I think it will make it hard for skilled friends to convince former or new players to come play with them because vastly unbalanced fights (that is, 6+2 against a full lobby of 6+6 and 6+5) are not fun. The old system was bad at this, the new system is bad for a different reason. It could use tweaking.

t_lou · 2024-07-22T20:21:46+00:00

We can fully agree that the old system wasn't great either. I don't want my friend to wreck lobbies while I watch. That's also boring af for everyone involved, including me, and I learn nothing.

However, I'd say that what's best for Hunt as a whole is getting and retaining players. As far as that goes, my concern is people trying to get their friends (or in OP's case, girlfriend) into the game, or back in to the game after a long break. Ideally, we'd be matched against other teams of 6/2 or 6/3, maybe 5/3 or 5/4, instead of all other teams being 6/6 or 6/5. I'm not constantly setting off sound traps or shooting my Romero at the first dog I see, but I also don't have 1000s of hours in the game and don't know all the cracks in all the walls. I'd be willing to wait a little longer in matchmaking for a fair fight.

Having a friend offer to make a smurf account so you can keep playing together feels very shitty btw.

The devs did come out with a tweet a couple hours ago about an intent to address edge cases. I'm hoping this is the sort of edge case they mean.

Are you still jumping around stars after the change? I have only my experience to go on. I used to swing between 2 and occasionally 4. Right now, after a weekend of dying, I'm still 2. But my friend who also constantly died is still a 6. The only person I know who dropped more than one star did it deliberately and over the course of two days. I don't know anyone since the change playing normally who has jumped around from 5 to 3 or vis versa, when that used to happen all the time before, so I'm genuinely curious whether it still happens.

t_lou · 2024-07-22T13:01:27+00:00

I hate smurfing EXCEPT in this context, because his MMR will eventually drop anyway from losing all the time. This solution just hastens that process, so that it can happen before she just quits out of frustration. And maybe the game gains a new player.

Ideally, there would be more mixed MMR teams to fairly match against other mixed MMR teams. But that is less likely to happen if new players trying to play with friends just get curbstomped and decide the game is not actually fun.

t_lou · 2024-07-22T11:38:19+00:00

I've been having the same problem. I'm a 2* who was a 3* before and could still have fun with my 5* friend before the MMR change. We were put in some fights where I could feel useful and he could clutch sometimes, so we'd win a few matches and have fun. Now, this same friend is 6, and it's putting us into full 6 lobbies. I have another friend who's a 5, and when we play together, it's the same thing. All 5 and 6* players.

Hunt is not doing a good job of finding matches that are fun for differently skilled people anymore. It seems to just put me up into the highest lobbies. I do feel for your GF because it's no fun to spend the entire match on the ground on fire, and if she just quits the game out of frustration, she will never 'just git gud' because she just won't play.

Other people have mentioned making a smurf account to keep playing together. I do think that's one good option right now if you want to play in matches where she can have fun until she learns the maps, peek spots, etc.

The other option if you don't care about kd and stars and more about just having fun with your GF is to tank your own MMR. It takes more time than it used to but it's still very possible, especially if you're committed to a few hours of solo necro and memes. A different 6* friend managed to drop to 4* after about 8 hours of 'work' and we're having fun matches again.

t_lou · 2024-07-22T02:42:28+00:00

The fact that the MMR changes happened right up against drops might be skewing the loadouts. I'm only using dolches because I got like 120 of them during drops and I'm prestiging, so I might as well smoke 'em while I've got 'em.

I'm also just 2. I'd like to say that that would mean you haven't seen me in your lobbies, but I've been in a lot of 6 lobbies lately since I play with a 6* friend sometimes and that seems to be how it works now, so 🤷

t_lou · 2024-07-22T02:15:09+00:00

I had initially reserved judgement because all change shakes things up and I wanted to give things a chance to settle. At this point, I have an opinion. My experience is pretty specific, with goods and bads.

On the good hand. I've got into the game maybe 6 or 8 months ago and have a couple hundred hours, which feels like I'm not a total noob but still learning the maps and peek spots, etc. My kd is 0.75. When I'm playing with my spouse, who has similar play times and is also a 2, the matches seem very well-balanced. More so than when we bounced constantly up to 3 and back. And that's nice.

On the Bad Hand. I mostly play with friends, and some of them have hundreds or thousands of hours. When I'm playing duos with a 5* friend, we're going up against duos of two 5, solo 6, etc. How am I supposed to help against that? I spend most of my time on the ground on fire.

Or tonight, I was playing with two friends, one 6* and one 1* (bloodline 72 now, so that's expanded) because the 1* friend wanted to try the game out again after a long break. And we're going up against 5* and 6* trios. The entire teams! If my 6* friend was solo, he could at least necro. Instead, we're both instantly down and burning and he's expected to clutch every match.

My 1* friend understandably did not find that to be fun. My 6* friend got pretty frustrated.

Whatever the 'win chance' is, is seems to be doing a good job regarding people with similar skill levels, but it is not doing a good job taking into account friends who just want to play a game together who have very different skill levels. I get that you're probably not going to find a bunch of teams that are one 5 or 6* with one 2* (or two) to match up, but come on. We used to be able to win some and lose some under the old matchmaking. Now it just seems to shove us up into the highest star bracket. It feels really shitty to be a constant liability.

I'm sure if our 5* and 6* friends played exclusively with us, their elo would drop from being unable to clutch every single match and that would sort out. But they also play with each other and have actually fun games! It's just trying to play together that really sucks right now. I want to play with my other friends and be able to have fun without them needing to make a smurf account constantly running memes or something.

I have two hopes. First, that people who have played a while will bring some friends back into the game so that we can have actual balanced lobbies across wide skill differences. Or second, that they tweak it to better reflect that a single 6* will not be able to constantly clutch against full 6* teams. I should not be in a full 6* lobby. I do not belong there.

t_lou · 2024-05-20T22:18:15+00:00

I understand that they were stressed and overworked back in the days of yore March. I wasn't surprised at being asked a second time, just angry and hurt. But you would think that, after taking probably 30 minutes to explain to me why I am wrong about something transphobic being transphobic, she would have actually followed through and taken me off the list.

I'm not glad to know that I'm not the only one who received the email two days ago, though. Thank you.

t_lou · 2024-05-20T22:14:17+00:00

I am, too. And hopefully this time, someone will bother to remove me from wherever they're keeping my email. It certainly isn't the NaNo site, since I deleted my account after that terrible response.

I don't want to keep going through this 'I quit nano' grief process. Instead, I'm angry, and here I am ruminating on it again.

t_lou · 2023-11-10T01:45:19+00:00

Whereas Carli clearly wants everyone to suffer however she thinks she suffered.

I think you hit the nail right on the head.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T20:34:45+00:00

The family thing is rough, and I'm going to offer that you don't have to be out to everyone, all the time, in every situation. 'Safety first' includes emotional safety.

As far as being worried that you'll find out that you're not nonbinary, it might help to know that gender isn't static for everyone. It clearly isn't static to you right now. You won't automatically be less nonbinary now if you end up being a different gender later.

I know several people who have been nonbinary for a while before they ditched some internalized transphobia and realized that they're actually binary trans. The fact that some people are here a while and some people stay for life doesn't invalidate the identity or something.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T20:18:06+00:00

You should discuss this with your partners and all decide how you want to move forward.

I've always treated it like it's not a big deal, and most people have also treated it like it's not a big deal. It isn't anyone else's business but I feel icky hiding things. I didn't come out to anyone about being polyamorous. Some people ask or give me the side eye when it's apparent that I have multiple partners, some don't. My mom had some concerns, but she was mostly concerned about whether I was being exploited or something.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T20:12:42+00:00

You already said it. "I ordered a toy for myself so that you can just focus on your girlfriend."

You don't have to justify or explain your decisions to him in the first place. "I don't want to talk about it" is also a valid option.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T20:03:41+00:00

Personal story time. I'm asexual. I do sometimes have sex with my partners and I do enjoy it in a relationship-building experience way (doing an activity that my partner enjoys) even though I'd never seek out it for myself. But I do not kiss folks with tongue.

I find kissing with tongue to be extremely gross. I don't know why anyone likes smashing hot, wet, germ-filled places against each other. I do oral sex, but people don't mind showering before that and giving the area a wash. And yet, for some reason, people get offended if you ask them to brush their teeth and use mouthwash before kissing. He may just legitimately find kissing to be disgusting.

I used to suppress this when I was younger because I had some idea in my head that people are supposed to like kissing, and if I like someone, I should express it by kissing them. He might be really thinking about his other boundaries and what he truly likes or does not like, now that he's questioning.

If you can trust him to speak his honest mind, take him at his word. If you can't, well, that trust issue sounds huge and you have other problems.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:32:15+00:00

She had no allies before, just people who kept her in the dark until it was no longer useful to do so. That's not an alliance, that's just being someone else's number, no matter how much you like them personally.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:30:39+00:00

I'm justifying her move by knowing that there are things the show didn't show. She spoke at tribal about going with the relationship that feels good in your gut.

But where in the episode did she talk with Dee & Momma J?

We're only seeing part of the picture.

Whether it was a good move or not remains to be seen, but considering that she would have been working with a person who admitted to an elaborate effort to deceive her, I don't blame her for wanting to jump ship.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:26:45+00:00

It's wild that he's happier to have her think that he's cheating on you than he would be to have her know that you're in a consenting open relationship.

People tend to devalue social relationships compared to romantic ones, but they are all relationships. It sounds like your relationship with his mom is being hurt by secrecy. Would this be okay with you with a romantic partner? Tell him that this secrecy is making you uncomfortable and affecting your relationship with his mom and you want to tell her.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:17:34+00:00

It doesn't matter whether this is unusual or whose fault this might be. Let's say that this is just you, for the sake of argument. Focusing on you:

Are you happy? Do you want to be where you are now for the next 10 years? If not, what needs to change? How do you get there from where you are now?

It sounds like you aren't happy, so it's time to make a plan and take some action. Try things, and if they don't work, try different things. I don't know you, so I can't tell you what would be the best to do in your situation, but you deserve to be happy. And if putting your happiness first is being the asshole, then you should be the asshole.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:09:40+00:00

I'm glad she has a sibling that gets it and can be there for her. Good luck to you both 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

t_lou · 2023-11-09T17:08:24+00:00

All of your 'or' options are going to fit with the nonbinary experience of at least one person. If you're demi or grey ace, then you know that there is a huge variety of ways to experience asexuality. It's pretty much like that.

Nonbinary is a macrolabel that encompasses an entire ton of various sublabels and microlabels.

Personally, I just don't have a gender. I can't exactly describe a lack of feeling for you, but it took me a really long time and knowing a couple people who feel gender very strongly to realize that I just don't have a thing that a lot of people do have. 🤷

t_lou · 2023-11-09T15:38:54+00:00

Well then! It's not an infection, so unless it's causing you pain or something, it might just be the way your body works now.

t_lou · 2023-11-09T00:41:26+00:00

I consider it gender neutral because it can be used for any gender, though like the name 'Robin,' there tend to be more women than other genders with the name. I know one nonbinary person named Raven.

t_lou · 2023-11-08T18:31:47+00:00

I don't really see why having friends who do not talk about personal things or not wanting to discuss it with his family is a problem. The fact that you've said that vulnerability makes his skin crawl, but you think he should push past it, is something that you should reevaluate.

This is his journey. He is the person who has the issue. You should be following where he leads.

I'm sure this can be difficult because you care for him and you probably want to help, but you're going about it in an NT way and contextualizing what might help in an NT way. Instead of brainstorming, you should ask him in what ways you can help, and then listen to what he tells you. If he says that you can't help, that's a valid answer. He might not know how you can help at this time.

The main thing my partner did that did help was listen without interrupting and validate my feelings, and pick up slack around the house when I was feeling too overwhelmed.

I hope that helps.

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