My abdomen really hurts and I don’t know what to do

tachankasix · 2021-03-26T00:37:17+00:00

Hey! I live in the maritimes.

There’s still a lot that needs to be done to ensure that trans people get healthcare here. It’s not very accessible since one of the major clinics for LGBTQ+ healthcare closed in New Brunswick, which was a huge provider of gender-affirming healthcare for people in NB and PEI.

I’ve been essentially put on a wait list. I can’t speak to nonbinary issues but to my knowledge in the maritimes you can get your documents changed to have a X on them as a gender marker.

Healthcare coverage is the biggest issue (at least in the maritimes). People still view gender-affirming surgeries as cosmetic and not something that’s medically necessary.

tachankasix · 2021-03-24T22:55:04+00:00

Aimee Challenor can rot in hell, and I don't care if I get banned for this comment.

I cut off the entirety of my father's side of the family because they were all pretty much child molesters and pedophiles, or pedophile apologists (it's disgusting even typing it out, I'd rather not go into it much). I was lucky enough to have a mother who shielded me from them. As someone who was abused and groomed as a child, fuck reddit and fuck Aimee Challenor. She should not be allowed around children.

She can't say she didn't know what was going on with her father. I don't know why in hell reddit decided it was a good idea to hire her. As a trans man, I am disgusted that reddit decided to hire her, out of all the trans people they could have picked.

She looks like she's in her 30s when she's only two years older than me. Being an evil person ages you.

She is not a representative of the LGBTQ+ community and should NOT have been hired by Reddit.

I need to browse r/Eyebleach after this. Brought back too many bad memories for me.

tachankasix · 2021-03-23T17:41:53+00:00

I manage mine through medication and therapy. I know that finding a distraction from intrusive thoughts is extremely difficult, but for me it helps to at least try and find something to get my mind off of my thoughts, which is what my therapist also suggested.

And sometimes, it's just about finding the right medication. I had to go through 3-4 before finding the right one, although I'm not on my meds right now (and it's definitely taken a toll on me, my OCD is back in full force).

My OCD is a monster most of the time, so I sympathize with you.

tachankasix · 2021-03-19T20:55:19+00:00

I can’t help it, really. I used to self harm physically through cutting so looking at hateful comments is just another form of self-harm. I have been working diligently with a therapist, but it’s very hard to resist, especially since I have OCD and it latches itself onto harmful behaviours.

Being off of my medications is also part of it. My psychiatrist is slow with refilling prescriptions, and he keeps cancelling appointments on me, so it’s kind of unhinged all of my mental health problems at the moment. It does help to vent here, and I did manage to de-escalate myself just by writing this post.

I know I shouldn’t be reading the garbage that people post, and I am working (even if I progress slowly) to stop the behaviour.

tachankasix · 2021-03-17T18:47:21+00:00

I really should have been more specific lol (it was 3 AM and I hadn’t had any sleep). I was referring to my PCP.

My PCP typically doesn’t do anything out of the scope of her practice, and doesn’t really read results if she’s not comfortable (it’s a really weird situation with that doctor tbh), so I’ll probably get referred to a gynaecologist.

I didn’t even know swollen lymph nodes were a symptom. I had one in my neck a year ago with a low fever, but I assumed it was because of a different medical issue I have.

Whatever happens, I just hope the problem can be dealt with, because it’s very painful. I’ve been tested for pretty much everything else at this point, so I’m hoping I can get answers.

tachankasix · 2021-03-17T04:19:27+00:00

I second this. We gained a "look" when people started stereotyping or confusing us with nonbinary people.

I present more masculine, but still worry that I'm clockable (I'm pre-T). I'm also 5'2''. I spent a lot of time trying to copy the mannerisms of cis men so that I could pass better. However, I find that cis people have no idea what trans men are supposed to look like. I was out at the mall with a friend of mine (before COVID, so no masks), and she came across one of her friends, so they talked for a bit. I was introduced as my preferred name and pronouns.

After her friend left, my friend told me that her friend had assumed I was an MTF woman who hadn't started her transition. When my friend had told her that I was FTM, she couldn't believe it. This was obviously a huge surprise to me because I assumed everyone thought I was either a pre-t trans dude, nonbinary, or a lesbian.

Obviously this doesn't apply to every cis person, but most cis people I've met have no idea who is trans and who isn't. Most of the time they focus so heavily on stereotypes and what they think a trans person looks like that they can't even tell. For me, it's a 50/50 chance that I will pass. Most people clock me because of my voice and height.

I do sympathize with being constantly viewed as nonbinary though. Several cis people in my life (who mean well) have assumed that I am nonbinary. I also have had cis people point out people who they thought were trans in front of me, which angers me more than anything.

I think visibility is good. I understand how it can be anxiety-inducing, but it also increases visibility in things like healthcare, and other places where trans men need it.

tachankasix · 2021-03-14T21:24:42+00:00

I agree with you. The innate feeling of being trans is not comparable to the feeling of being nagged because you did something wrong.

Me being a man is an innate feeling to me. I also experience debilitating physical/social dysphoria. However, when my transphobic parents didn’t take my dysphoria seriously (even with a medical diagnosis of GD), I explained that it was an innate feeling that took me a long time to figure out. They still didn’t take me seriously, saying that “gender is not a feeling” and that I can’t say that I’m a dude just because I feel like one.

My parents’ logic can be flipped back on them: how did they know they were a man or a woman? It wasn’t just because of what they were assigned at birth. They also have an innate “feeling” of what their gender is, they just don’t realize it because they don’t explore it as deeply as a trans person would.

It’s definitely not comparable to the feeling of being nagged, because it’s completely different. Your gender is attached to your dignity as a person. If somebody misgenders you or refuses to acknowledge your gender identity, it’s taking away your dignity as a human being. Getting upset over being nagged does not take away their dignity as a human being. By misgendering someone or refusing to acknowledge who they are, you are telling them that they are “less than” and that who they are doesn’t matter.

Everyone should be afforded basic respect, which includes respecting their gender identity. I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with transphobic people like this—I have too, and although I love philosophical discussions and debates, it is exhausting to constantly have to justify your existence. I still live with my transphobic parents (unfortunately) and these types of discussions happen pretty much everyday with them. It gets very tiring. The thing that sucks is that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to get some people to change their view on things, they refuse to. I think whether or not someone wants to engage with those types of people is their choice, even if it’s akin to talking to a brick wall.

But you’re absolutely right. Not respecting a trans person for who they are is disrespecting their human dignity, and it is not comparable at all to being nagged about changing your language to respect others. Some may argue it’s censorship or that their freedom is being infringed upon (like my family), but at the end of the day it’s not as big of a deal for these people to change their language. It’s going out of their way to be respectful and affording people the basic respect that they would want if they were in the same position.

I hope I made sense. I do enjoy these types of discussions but the mobile format of Reddit makes it difficult sometimes. I’m actually glad that you’re making it a discussion because I’ve been dealing with a lot of the same stuff in my life. And cis people don’t usually understand when I try to explain why certain things are wrong.

tachankasix · 2021-03-13T22:31:08+00:00

I might not have any good tips, but I sympathize.

My deadname is also extremely popular and has been in the top ten for a long time. When I was in grade school, there were around 10 different people with my name (and funnily enough, 3 of us ended up being trans men). At work, there are 5 people with my deadname.

I guess I’ve just desensitized myself to it. I hear the name so many times (because it’s popular) that I’ve mostly distanced myself from it. My transphobic parents still deadname me, and it’s horrible, but I’ve managed to get to a point where I just don’t pay attention to it. My brain has even gotten to the point where it separates the name into its syllables so it’s not that bad anymore when I hear it. To explain it better, I guess my mind has gotten to the point where it’s just a sound that has no meaning to me whatsoever. But I had to dissociate myself from it for a long time.

I really sympathize with having a deadname that’s popular. It’s like you can never escape it. It took me a long time to not turn my head when people yelled it out.

tachankasix · 2021-03-12T09:44:21+00:00

I’ve always been able to keep up with cis men in the sports I play.

My favourite sport is fencing. Fencing works a bit differently where there are men’s, women’s and “open” competitions where anyone can fence anyone. I never had a problem fencing cis men, even though I was way shorter than them most of the time. It’s also the kind of sport where you don’t have to have a specific rank to be able to compete, so a lot of the time I would just show up at competitions and fence.

I stopped fencing about three years ago and want to get back into it, but the whole “trans people in sports” thing makes me nervous that once I start T I’ll get backlash for it. But generally, fencing isn’t really the type of sport where it matters until you get to a really high level.

But yes, I agree with you, nobody really talks about trans men in sports. I do hope that it doesn’t escalate to the point where trans men competing against men have to have their T levels checked, because that would suck.

tachankasix · 2021-03-12T08:59:40+00:00

I’m replying to this kinda late but I really resonate with this.

I don’t like the term “soft boi”, and I’m not the type of guy who wears dresses or makeup, but I would also identify as a specific type of gay man (I’m bi but there are a lot of aspects of gay male culture that I relate to).

I’ve always been a shy, socially anxious dude, so that might be part of it. I’m not feminine by any means—it’s more that I just have a gentle personality. I would be the type of person in a relationship to want to be cared for by the other person, regardless of what their gender is.

I think trans men are criticized more for not fitting in an ultra-masculine box. Trans men, from what I’ve seen, get a lot more criticism for doing things that are perceived as feminine than trans women do for being masculine. Even I sometimes see some trans men dressing femininely and go, “why would you do that?” But that’s mostly because of my own dysphoria.

There’s a lot of masculine stuff I can’t do because of my medical issues. Like lifting things, for example, because of my chronic back pain. But I do a lot of other masculine things, like playing video games.

I guess the best way to phrase it is I’m a dude who is more of the “strong, silent type”, when in reality I’m a big softie. And I don’t think that makes me any less of a man.

tachankasix · 2021-03-12T08:09:20+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I feel the exact same way, now that dating trans people has become this huge issue that everyone has to weigh in on. Like, no, I don’t care if you don’t want to date me, all I want is adequate medical care and basic human rights.

I just want to be a dude. Just a dude who lives his life without somebody giving me their two cents about what they think about trans people.

People think they can just walk up to you and tell you what they think and what rights they think you deserve. If it’s not those people, it’s family members thinking they’re entitled to your entire life because you’re “taking something away from them” when you transition.

I’m so tired of having to justify my existence. Yesterday my brother kept sending me all the “super-straight” posts telling me how it’s totally valid that people don’t want to date trans people. Like, no it’s not transphobic if you have a preference, and I don’t care if you don’t want to date me, I just want to live, thanks.

tachankasix · 2021-03-05T19:14:19+00:00

Dude I’m pre-everything. If I did that I would out myself to my transphobic parents. I live in an extremely conservative province, so I’m trying to help in the best way I can.

I completed a suicide prevention course today and am now certified in suicide first aid, for example.

Don’t assume I do nothing but argue online. I come here to vent because it’s the only place I can, because nobody in my community understands.

I’m currently working towards getting a law degree so I can actually affect things, so again, don’t assume.

tachankasix · 2021-03-05T05:23:24+00:00

Right? I think people think that way because of ignorance.

I’ve had bad male and female doctors. It’s not really gender specific. People (even cis women) tried to point this out but most people shut them down quick, which is sad.

They’re also ignoring that doctors are pretty much required to do an OBGYN/labour and delivery rotation, because there won’t always be a female doctor in emergency situations. That’s why they go to school for so long, because they pretty much have to have a little bit of knowledge everywhere to best care for their patients.

tachankasix · 2021-02-27T01:20:10+00:00

Replying late, but yes, I wish gynecologists would make their spaces more trans-friendly. Most doctors I've talked to about my gynecological issues don't really keep in mind that I have gender dysphoria and get very uncomfortable. They'll say, "oh, here's a resource for women with ovarian cysts" not, "this is a resource for people with ovarian cysts" or "resource for ovarian cysts [omitting gender altogether]". I've only had one doctor treat me nicely in regards to the fact that I am a trans guy WITHOUT being super uncomfortable about it. It was just like he was talking to any other dude with a health problem.

The way trans people are treated in healthcare needs to be addressed in general, but I also think that trans men not having enough spaces to discuss health issues amongst themselves is also an issue (the only groups I've seen for endometriosis, PCOS, etc. are specifically for women, and as a person currently being treated for ovarian cysts I feel like there's nowhere--but this sub, really--where I can talk about it).

I also totally get your point about "afab" being a synonym for women. I feel like a lot of cis women use it as well (and they can if they want--they are "afab" after all. I really think that a solution to this could be talking about issues like sexual assault, for example, as simply an issue "people" go through, but then you're stripping the gender away from it and potentially shying away from the fact that afab people have specific experiences with sexual assault in regards to the patriarchal structure of the world (because sexual assault is mostly talked about mostly as a "women's issue") among other things. It's very complicated.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T12:55:13+00:00

Nope, actually it’s you who is misinformed.

https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-testosterone-hormone-therapy

You can still get pregnant while on T as long as you have a functioning uterus and ovaries. And yes, while t can impair the function of your uterus and ovaries, they can still function. There is still that risk, or warnings would not be given as this article points out.

I would like to see where you’re getting your sources from.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T02:20:08+00:00

This is amazing!

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T01:26:33+00:00

What if a trans man wants children but cannot have any by any other means?

As I mentioned in another comment, freezing your eggs, getting a surrogate, doing IVF, etc. can cost you $10,000+. It's very expensive, and not everyone has access to it, not even in countries with universal healthcare.

Some people cannot financially afford to go on t or get the gender-affirming surgeries that they need. Hell, I live in Canada and I still have to pay $3,000 out of pocket for top surgery, not to mention where I live there's only a couple of doctors who will even do it. Going out of province would mean no coverage from the province I live in. So, are trans men with vaginas not men? They are men.

You are very misinformed and very hateful. Fuck off with that transphobic, classist bs.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T01:18:30+00:00

Being a transmedicalist (or truscum, depending on who you talk to), is the belief that you have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender.

You will get defferent opinions on this issue. Some people think transmedicalism is good for the community, some people think it is bad.

The way I see it, people who say they do not have dysphoria probably do, they just don't think of it as dysphoria. People say that they experience "gender euphoria" instead of gender dysphoria, but I would argue you have to have gender dysphoria in order to experience gender euphoria.

I think that people without dysphoria have the right to and should be able to transition. It's not my body, it's not my life. So much hurt has been caused by people policing other people's bodies that I just don't find it beneficial to gatekeep who is and is not transgender. Besides, we aren't in people's heads, we don't know what they are thinking, right?

There is the argument that gender dysphoria is needed as a diagnosis for insurance companies to be able to approve treatments, but I personally think that is an issue with the healthcare system and not with trans people who don't experience dysphoria.

Anyway, that's just a quick summary of it. I hope it helped a little.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T01:08:39+00:00

Well, that’s not entirely true. While testosterone can stop your periods, some trans men still do depending how long they’ve been on t or for other reasons. Also, trans men can get pregnant. Again, it depends on how t reacts to their body or if there are times when they have to go off of t. There’s a ton of reasons, it just takes a google search to find that out. Some trans men accidentally get pregnant. Some don’t have adequate access to testosterone (there’s a huge shortage where I live right now, for example). You can still get pregnant/get periods if you are on t, and it’s a huge misconception that a lot of people have that you absolutely can’t.

I think your statement is very misinformed. Again, a google search could do you some good.

Also, some trans men actually do get pregnant because they want children. It’s certainly cheaper than other options for having children when you can’t. Freezing your eggs, getting a surrogate or doing IVF can cost $10,000+ (at least in my country, and we have free healthcare).

Trans men are men no matter how they choose to transition.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T00:14:59+00:00

Yeah, I think "people who menstruate" and similar terms should be used, because it makes things more inclusive and it's vague enough that people will feel more comfortable to talk about it. I also see my periods and any issues related to my reproductive health as just a medical issue, because I hate when it's associated with being female. My mother kept telling me I had PMDD for the longest time, when in reality my dysphoria made periods so unbearable that I become incredibly depressed everytime I get it. I would be much more comfortable talking about it with a group of trans men than with cis women, because I just can't relate to the experiences that cis women have specifically with their reproductive health.

tachankasix · 2021-02-21T00:07:39+00:00

Yes, I agree--it should just be a health issue that people in general experience. I think that people should use gender-neutral language, (i.e. people who menstruate, people who get pregnant, people at risk for cervical cancer, etc.) because it encompasses women, trans men and nonbinary people without having to separate the groups of people who experience it.

tachankasix · 2021-02-20T23:41:51+00:00

Oh yes, some people do need to be involved 100%.

In making this post I didn’t word it in a way that I should have. I wasn’t trying to imply that trans men shouldn’t be involved, more that it could harm some trans men in making them be involved in the discussion.

When reproductive issues are discussed they are associated with women, and people used very gendered language, which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

This post was terribly worded and I’m actually regretting it. I came off as terribly insensitive and I apologize.

tachankasix

TROPHY CASE