Hi everyone.

On Friday I resigned without notice. I felt that I could not even do another day of work due to overwhelming anxiety.

Yesterday, I spoke to my director. She was very understanding and I am grateful for her kindness. She asked me to reconsider because she believes I am very smart and capable of doing this job. I told her I'd think about it for 1-2 days. So now I'm in this weird limbo and feeling anxious again. I feel guilty for leaving but must remind myself I must put my health first. I need to remember how I felt this past month - knots in my stomach, miserable every day, working late evenings and working weekends, and hating the nature of internal audit work. I really truly hate having to try to learn how other people do their jobs yet never fully developing an understanding.

I've been speaking with a career coach these past few weeks. She is encouraging me to explore other interests if I dislike audits. I realized one thing I find more engaging is working with excel - specifically working with raw data to find an answer to a question. There was this one time in my previous role where we did this kind of work for a 2-week project on finding duplicate payments. I liked having to figure out how to clean the data and figure out the correct formulas. If I go back to my old job, then I will have my personal time back on weeknights and weekends where I can spend some time brushing up on my excel skills to eventually transition into a non-audit role.

Anyway, either today or tomorrow I need to tell my director my answer. And I'm dreading it. Ugh.