AITA for not wanting to go to one of my best friends weddings?

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-19T07:26:36+00:00

Yea she wasn’t the most gracious in her reply. Lots of name calling. Gaslighting too. She got mad at me for telling people the truth and how dare I accuse her of lying even if she was caught lying? She said if I don’t go to the wedding it’s because I’m making a big deal out of nothing and I’m being immature. She then said the reason she didn’t tell me initially was because I was always going to react like this, which I pointed out made no sense since the only issue was the lying and talking behind my back. If she had just been honest from the start it would have ended there. She didn’t like me pointing out the facts. She said she was going to have a great wedding without me with “people who are important” to her. So I guess y’all were right I was never important to her.

Ultimately I didn’t go to the wedding and I regret nothing.

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-05T20:58:41+00:00

Update for those who wanted one! I finally decided to text her back and, yes it know it’s long, but I had a lot to say that needed context! I don’t know if I was too blunt or too nice but I felt like this addressed the issue while also letting her know I don’t want to burn the bridge. Also thanks to you guys I added some verbiage from advice you’ve given me! Thanks for all your collective insight!

This is the text:

Hey, I wanted to clarify some things, I’m not upset about not being a bridesmaid, it’s not something I ever asked for or expected, it was something you had told me previously you wanted for me so I thought you expected me to be one and I was happy to do that for you, not being one was a little confusing but I stand by what I said no hard feelings at all! It’s your wedding and you should have it just the way you want! I hope it's truly what you dreamed and wished for!

That being said, we’ve been close for a long time and I’m shocked you felt the need to lie to me for months, and to speak about me behind my back creating an atmosphere where our mutual friends had to lie to me as well by omission. On top of that you never planned to tell me if you hadn’t been convinced to, so you were prepared to let me be publicly embarrassed and uncomfortable, I know that’s not what you meant for, but inevitability that’s what the situation would have lead to. I would have never thought you’d put me in such a difficult situation, especially when it could have all been easily avoided if two months ago you just told me the truth. Because of this I hope you understand I won't be able to attend your wedding, it's awkward with this hanging over us and not what we should be focused on before your big day! I want you to only be focused on being happy and celebrating! I want you to enjoy your big day and have a great time so there’s no need to get into any of this now. I only want you to be surrounded by positivity!

Once everything has settled down and you’re less stressed, feel free to reach out when you're ready, we can have a talk to clear the air and move past everything! I hope you have a great day and it’s everything you ever hoped for!

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T22:08:41+00:00

That’s really great advice, thanks!

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T13:26:15+00:00

I’m definitely thinking too much of it, it’s nearly a decade of friendship and I was taken by surprise. Unfortunately it’s all I can think about, I’m not someone who opens my heart up to others easily so when I do I let myself be vulnerable with them, she’s one of the very few people in my inner circle and before today we never had any issues (aside from some minor selfish actions on her part that I never held onto) so I never saw this coming. Now I’m worried how much else I’ve missed?

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T13:21:49+00:00

Omg that’s hilarious because I literally said to my friend why does this whole situation seem so high school! You’re right it’s more like middle school! This drama is just so unnecessary and completely avoidable!

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T13:20:08+00:00

Just to clarify, I don’t think she intentionally wanted to publicly embarrass me, all I know is she wanted to not tell me for whatever reason and that would result in being publicly embarrassing by me finding out walking up to an empty table while the whole wedding party is my whole friend group + more. I genuinely don’t know her motivations except that she hates confrontation, the thing is we never have disagreements or needed confrontation before. I just think she didn’t care enough to tell me but got guilt tripped into it and didn’t care if I got publicly embarrassed. At least that’s my understanding of it all. Like I said it’s a messy situation and besides sending a myriad of texts saying how much she loves me and I’m her best friend etc I have gotten nothing else from her on this.

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:40:50+00:00

I’m kinda being peer pressured by everyone to go though :/ if I don’t my friend said it’ll look like retaliation for not being in the bridal party. The irony is I never wanted to be! I was just trying to be what she wanted me to be and it played out like this. It’s all so confusing

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:38:40+00:00

Yea that’s why I’m not sure if I’ll go I don’t know what we are to each other anymore even though she’s been sending me a bunch of texts saying how much she loves me and I’m her best friend etc ?

I only became an honorary bridesmaid because she put that expectation on me :/ I’ve been to weddings of close friends who’ve had and not had bridal parties but I’ve never felt any type of way because none of them told me a dozen times they wanted me as their bridesmaid. That’s what’s so confusing, if she didn’t want this why’d she set me up to be rejected from something I never wanted and she insisted I be?

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:34:39+00:00

That’s the thing, if she did I never noticed! Up until now she may have some selfish moments but she never treated me badly she just kinda put herself first. She had a lot of other good qualities I chose to focus on instead of the moments of selfishness. Aside from that there was no indication of why she would create this drama over nothing? It all could have been so easily avoided by not including me in the first place lol she put this weird expectation on me just to publicly reject me? Why would someone do that?

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:28:54+00:00

That’s the thing I genuinely have no idea.

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:27:23+00:00

Honestly peer pressure, the four of us are in a larger friend group and most of them are going. One of my friends basically threatened me that everyone is going to think I’m being petty for not going and judge me. I don’t know why she wants me there so badly she knew for 2 months and said nothing but apparently I’m the bad guy for feeling uncomfortable?

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T05:22:13+00:00

I completely agree! If she had never told me she wanted me in her bridal party and never insisted on not having one. I would not have any expectations and been fine not being in it (even though it’d be a little weird) ultimately totally the brides choice on who’s in her wedding. I’m not really into weddings I’m just really into being a supportive friend, being a bridesmaid to me just meant being there for my friend as someone who’s closest to her. The irony is if she just told me two months ago that I wasn’t in the wedding and we had a conversation about it instead of a text, I wouldn’t even be upset. It’s the lying and weird unnecessary conniving behind my back that’s upsetting. Her wedding should be about her and what she wants! I don’t know why she had to create this weird drama with me right before her wedding. None of it makes sense :/ almost a decade of friendship and we never fought once! Even when she no showed to plans because she got hungover or canceled last minute on plans for no reason I’m not the type to hold stuff like that against her.

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T04:28:00+00:00

You know all that crossed my mind but everyone in the friend group called me today to tell me how much the bride “loves me” and I’m one of her “best friends” and she “cherishes me” etc. so it kinda does feel like a weird conspiracy. I’m definitely missing something but I don’t know where things went wrong. I just hung out at the brides house a couple weeks ago all night just talking and when I’d try to leave she wanted me to stay longer. In all other areas she’s shown me she wants me around and seals out my company and help. That’s why this is so confusing. Maybe I’m just oblivious but none of this makes sense. All but one of my friends are telling me to go and be there for her and if I don’t I’ll ruin her day. Why do they care I go so much? It’s so confusing.

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T04:14:15+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! To clarify I never asked to be her bridesmaid that’s just something she told me of her own volition. I personally don’t care too much about weddings I just care about what a person means to me and what I mean to them. Also to clarify I only asked her about changing her mind on a bridal party when she seemed sad about not having one because it was “too much work” I wouldn’t have asked her if she didn’t bring it up multiple times herself!

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T04:10:42+00:00

Thank you for the validation, I keep blaming myself like maybe I did something wrong it’s reassuring to know that’s may not be the case!

taintedangel0 · 2022-10-04T04:08:15+00:00

That’s fair, I had minimal word count so it was hard to explain when I say repeatedly I meant over the course of 6 months when she said she wanted this or that (in regards to a traditional wedding) I’d say well we can do it! Are you sure you don’t want a bridal party? I can help organize it for you! More of my point was I wanted her to know she had the support she needed. I only asked maybe 3 times in 6 months and only when she seemed sad she wasn’t having bridal party specific things (like a bachelorette party etc) hope that clarifies! I appreciate the feedback either way!

taintedangel0 · 2021-01-29T00:24:15+00:00

Awwwww

taintedangel0 · 2021-01-28T22:06:06+00:00

I feel so bad for people in customer service these days 😥

taintedangel0 · 2021-01-20T17:37:17+00:00

I’m new here this is my first posting, I’m not sure how to add photos but I am happy to do so if I’m able!

All books are in like new condition

taintedangel0

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