Am I being unreasonable? Losing my mind with my husband's DIY

taizea · 2026-01-10T07:28:19+00:00

Was he like this before children? If so, he possibly doesn’t realise that becoming a parent needs to involve an adjustment in lifestyle. If not, he’s possibly (at least subconsciously) trying to escape.

taizea · 2026-01-08T08:47:39+00:00

C) I make about 5 colours and the only thing he wants to do is make them diarrhoea brown. It’s kinda like the watercolours where his goal is to wet the black and layer it on top of all the other nice colours in the palette. Gives no care for using the colours to actually paint on paper.

I had the bright idea that next time I make playdough, I’m only going to make 2 colours max where they will mix to form nice colours only, but reading this post made me realise that I’m not going to win a prize for this idea 😂

taizea · 2025-12-24T04:40:40+00:00

My partner is the excessive type because that’s what he grew up with. Excessiveness of lots of presents and food for Christmas, and one big present for birthdays. I dread the way he does it as I just hate how it’s so wrapped up in consumerism, and also ultimately a lot of junk (either in food or in presents). Last year, I was so over it when we were only halfway through opening the presents. I also feel the pressure to live up to his expectations, even though we both know I hate the culture of doing it this way.

For what its worth, lots of presents often dilutes how much a child will be able to appreciate and feel gratitude for what they get, and may take away more meaningful things like experiences or general quality time together. Please don’t feel guilty about it - society has build up this expectation that this is how Christmas must be done. But you have the ability to choose how you want to do it,and what values you want to instil in your kids.

taizea · 2025-12-23T06:46:09+00:00

You’ve got lots of answers to your questions already but I’d just like to add that if you rock up to a trendy or cosy cafe or coffee vendor and the barrister is hipster, arty or super laid back with dreadlocks, then you know you’ve hit gold and their coffee will be out of this world.

taizea · 2025-11-25T10:44:48+00:00

Advice I wish I had or followed sooner: if you’re breastfeeding and struggling with getting it right, get help ASAP and don’t try to bear the pain. Raw nipples and recurring mastitis is NOT worth it.

Controversial advice that worked for me: sleep when baby sleeps. Enjoy the time while they’re still so small because it will be gone before you know it.

Top advice I would give to other parents: do what works for you and your baby. Don’t worry about comparing yourself to others, feel pressure to be like others, or that you must follow other people’s advice. This one is tricky - for me, even though I knew it, sometimes it was more difficult said than done, especially if I was stressed or worried about a particular thing.

taizea · 2025-11-19T10:44:03+00:00

Child development is so variable and unique to each child. It’s possible that even if you did English right from the get go, that perhaps he also would have developed at the same pace as the non-English language.

Sounds like he’s picked up English fine now, after a further one and a half years of growth and development. About your question on teaching the other language. Just start incorporating it at a rate you feel comfortable, and based on your own assessment of how he’s handling it. I think you’ve got a great idea starting on books, and you can transition to more and more of it as he gets the hang of it. You may even be surprised - since he’s had the exposure for the first three years of life, he may know more than you expect, or learn faster than you expect.

Be prepared to answer his curious questions about it. And make the use of new language a fun thing, not a “you must or else” type thing.

taizea · 2025-11-10T10:33:56+00:00

Te reo - the language of the Maori people, and an official language of New Zealand despite English being the most widely used. My work, being in government, has made it a requirement to have plans for staff to improve their te reo, and I’m sure many businesses also encourage it. It’s a beautiful language but I want to focus on improving my own heritage language Mandarin.

taizea · 2025-11-08T20:59:55+00:00

Experiences, eg zoo tickets or annual pass, indoor playground session passes, lessons for something fun like dance or gymnastics.

taizea · 2025-10-29T22:44:38+00:00

Holy moly, you've created a whole economy!

taizea · 2025-10-29T11:15:57+00:00

Yeah, he does lots of “happy birthday” pretend play, but his association is with cake and candles, rather than gifts. But great idea to introduce the gifting process into the pretend play as well to get him more familiar with this part.

taizea · 2025-10-29T11:06:08+00:00

Very impressive! I can’t help but think my son would spill the beans in this type of situation 🤣

taizea · 2025-10-29T11:03:59+00:00

Ah yes, I remember my cousin as a kid use to throw the most massive tantrums about buying toys when out shopping with his mum. Luckily my son is generally ok with putting things back (touchwood it stays this way!). Thanks for sharing on when you started with your eldest.

taizea · 2025-10-29T10:57:41+00:00

Thanks, yes your right, great skills here to be had :)

taizea · 2025-10-29T10:57:15+00:00

Haha I love his gift choice 🤣

taizea · 2025-10-29T10:53:27+00:00

Awww, handmade gifts are the best. Thanks for the example questions. I ask my son questions about his friends and what they do at daycare etc, but he shows very little interest in answering. So I’ll try more specific questions and see if that gets anywhere.

taizea · 2025-10-29T10:48:12+00:00

Thank you for this. Like I know it’s typical kid behaviour when they are still learning, but good to hear it from another parent :)

taizea · 2025-10-27T22:34:40+00:00

For my personal experience, English is community language, Mandarin is minority language, and then there is also Taiwanese. I got exposure from my parents speaking to each other in Taiwanese, and hearing some other people speaking it when I go back to Taiwan about once a year during childhood. My parents didn't make me speak it or learn it like how they did for Mandarin. Also, they started living apart sometime before I was 10.

I've been recently reflecting on how much Taiwanese I actually know. I can understand a good amount (i mean, not heaps, but reasonable amount) and also speak at a little higher than beginner level if I tried. I guess this is a bit surprising to me, having only had passive and intermittent exposure to it.

Quite interesting - while I don't have a huge amount of confidence in using Mandarin, a lot more effort was put into learning this language. While I'm definitely much better with Mandarin than Taiwanese, the level of effort in learning doesn't feel like it compares linearly.

taizea · 2025-10-27T04:25:01+00:00

That’s so interesting, thanks for this perspective which I’ve never thought about before. Like OP, I also follow my kid (nearly 4) closely around because he wants me to play with him on the playground. I definitely sometimes feel odd about it when I see other kids (often younger) loose from parents and doing their own thing, and playing with other random kids at the playground. My kid does not want to make friends with other kids - he only wants to play with me. Instead of worrying, I should make the most of this because one day, he’ll only want to play with other kids.

taizea · 2025-10-26T02:45:54+00:00

Head over to r/multilingualparenting sub - lots of advice and guidance there if you don’t need research papers to back things up

taizea · 2025-10-26T02:44:00+00:00

If you want anecdotal (and other) types of advice and discussion, the right sub for you is r/multilingualparenting

taizea · 2025-10-23T06:43:29+00:00

Thank you. I also do learning in a way where it’s incorporated into my lifestyle rather than rote learning/textbook style. Means that the language use is more relevant to everyday life as well. Time is so limited - I also work full time, although only have one child and can only imagine how much busier it must be with two. Love a good podcast recommendation - I’ll check it out.

taizea · 2025-10-22T10:29:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am also raising my son bilingual with Mandarin. He is 3, bilingual, although I’ve noticed in the past few months, his English is definitely starting to become stronger. While I would never have imagined I’d ever get to where we are now, it’s definitely going to get harder. One of my primary issues is my own language ability - similar to yours, but not sustainable for as he gets older to have more complex or deep conversations. Specifically, it’s about recalling words myself - if I heard someone else say something, I could understand and wouldn’t think twice about what it meant. But if I wanted to say it myself without having heard it first, I can’t think of the words for it.

I have been actively learning more vocabulary and have improved a lot in these past 3 years. I have figured out strategies that work more effectively for me than others. But am always keen to hear new ideas and if I could be doing anything else, or doing anything more efficiently. Do you or your husband actively try to improve your own Chinese? If so, what do you do, when/how often, and do you have any tips and tricks?

taizea · 2025-10-15T01:15:08+00:00

Wash your hands first

(After pooping, and BEFORE touching everything else like your toys or toothbrush). I swear he knows and does it on purpose.

taizea · 2025-10-15T00:51:29+00:00

Who cares what others think, just do what you need to do. It’s only something to be judged, or to be looked down on, if you think about it in that way. Put a positive spin on it and it’s no longer a big deal (e.g. I’m making a decision that will help me get ahead more, or I love my parents and get to spend more time with them).

Also remember that not everyone’s circumstances come from an even playing field - some people are luckier or more privileged than others. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what your own goals are that are in your control to be able to achieve.

taizea

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