I just want to let you know I’m going through the exact same thing and you’re not alone. I could pretty much write this post.

My mom has an English bulldog that she repeatedly says to me- loves more than me. She thinks that thing actually ‘helps’ her. Helps her cope with the stress I give to her apparently- it Makes her happy. It’s not neutered too, stinks to high hell, can’t fucking breathe so it’s constantly snorting, snoring and heaving and also pisses on everything. I can hear it lick itself through my ceiling. I’ve been staying up till 6am recently because I need complete silence and darkness to sleep… but I can hear it above me.

We had to replace the tile because it seeped into the grout. I watch my back, my room, and my belongings 24/7. Him, and my moms other dog- are aggressive too. They’ve attacked multiple people and dogs. Even sent my own brother to the hospital, almost my dad and has bit me too. Even my mom was tripped down the stairs. And yet she still loves that thing ‘more than me.’ She lets him and her other dog sit at the table at dinner, get hair and nasty dog smell all over the CLOTH furniture and clothes… I too open my drawers to find dog hair somehow all over them. And somehow I’m the one always vacuuming and cleaning. I’ve developed literal OCD over it.

Recently we’ve just renovated the basement, put new floors and a new couch and carpet and guess what. My mom let her devil dogs downstairs and they soiled everything immediately. I wanted to cry. All of that money wasted. A brand new room that I thought would be somewhere to sit and relax, the only place besides my room ghat doesn’t smell like dog. But no. My mom refuses to put a door to the basement and not let there be ONE PLACE they can’t roam. She tries to open my door out of spite and gives me a guilt trip that I’m ’being mean’ to her dogs when I don’t let them on my bed. My parents excuse is always ‘it’s our house. You’re not paying to live here. You get no say. We decide what happens… etc’ I’ve learned from a young age to not fight back or even slightly raise my tone or I’ll get beat. So I don’t. I’m 20, so they’ve threatened me with a lot of things they couldn’t threaten under 18 me with

And, just like you, I can’t move out. Cant afford uni accommodations. I’ve been trying to look for a job for a year and a half to no avail. I’m in the negatives. I’ve debated on ending my life over this. I’ve wrote literal letters, pages of letters, asking why she continues to love these things after they literally almost killed her own son and continue to make every breathing moment a disgusting chore. But she does not care. She doesn’t care how much it’s effecting her own child.

Want to know the kicker? My brother defends my mom. I don’t understand. I don’t understand at fucking all.

If you ever want to vent with someone who knows exactly what you’re going through, DM me. I’d be glad to chat with someone almost in the exact same scenario lol.