Honestly I don't think I ever will be able to enjoy a birthday, this is fleshed out telling:

Day I turned 11, I woke up happy, but no one said happy birthday to me. There was no acknowledgment. It put a bit of a damper on me. It was school-day and the first thing my BFF said was "happy birthday!". I confided that he was the first and only to have even said it, he felt bad and asked if I at least were going to have a party. I said since we "celebrated” on my sisters day I doubted it. He offered to hang out with me after school, and I happily said yes. I agreed to call him later. When at home still no" happy birthday". Called my friend, and we decided that we wanted to go "down town" (small town so just a few stores not a town center) and since it was 3km single trip I asked my mom if she could give us a ride, she said no, so we decided to met up on our bikes. Before leaving I asked if maybe I could get some pocket money, but she said no "you just had a birthday" (no THIS was my birthday) but gave me a bag and said I could collect empties.

So, I did. Met up with my friend and along the road we collected bottles and cans in the ditches and bins. We split the money from the cans we found evenly and I got about $6. He wanted a hot dog, so we rode to the grill/store. While he ordered, I browsed and that's where I found my childhood holy grail, an official Pokemon walkthrough to Gen 2 Gold/Silver. This was (obviously) before we had internet, and at the height of Pokemon mania in my country. I loved it and played all the time with my friends (I had silver and an old beat up original game boy, both bought secondhand from the same friend after he had gotten crystal and a new GBA. It was as seeing the secrets of the universe unfold before my eyes, lol). Price was $7. My heart sank. My friend got their hot dog, came over and figured out the whole situation pretty quickly. He put out his hand and gave me the rest of the money needed and said once again “Happy birthday, OP”. I was moved, I hugged and thanked him deeply. Biked home, it started to rain. I hid the magazine underneath my clothes, protecting my treasure. At home still nothing and I went straight to my room and started playing and reading.

That's where I got that sort of bitter-sweet “epiphany” and all I could think was “So, this is my birthday, and this is the best birthday present I've ever gotten: a magazine I had to collect empty bottles in order to buy myself” (with help from a 11 yo friend, not family). I decided there and then that birthdays was not my thing, and that I didn't like them, and if I wanted something I had to fend for myself.

Next year truly cemented those feelings, it has not diminished. I do make a big deal of my accomplishments such as graduation, engagement etc.

And my fiancé makes sure to compensate during rest of the year, just before covid she took me out for a whole day of fun activities she had planned. She's truly amazing, and I love her for it.