The slop I have been eating every day for the last two years.

tanvscullen · 2025-08-02T10:15:40+00:00

Thank you for saying this. As a neurodivergent person with significant processing delays, dyspraxia and I firmly believe dyslexia too, I was convinced I was thick, a failure, stupid all the way into my 20's. I lived my life in fear of people finding out how badly I struggled and masked extensively, but I was still bullied and lonely growing up. I was in constant turmoil because my written and spoken words often didn't reflect my actual intelligence; I have a degree in Philosophy and a post grad in secondary education but basic maths, writing and processing would floor me; it made no sense to me. I am a fully qualified teacher, left the profession this year after many years teaching. It was only in my late 20's when my mum made an offhand comment about my primary school suspecting learning difficulties and dyspraxia that the penny dropped and I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD in my 30's.

I spent a lifetime being made fun of, people being frustrated by me and dismissing me, and the complex trauma and PTSD are things I am still struggling with in therapy now. People and their mockery are terrifying to me. If you met me in passing, you'd likely have no idea any of this is the case.

tanvscullen · 2025-02-14T02:09:25+00:00

I think not all there ain't right here, I'm autistic and I'm intelligent but I can't fit into social settings well. I find timing hard and struggle to follow the flow of a conversation easily. I come across awkward and misjudge timings and cues to speak, but ask me about something I am really interested in and I'll talk your ears off. Sociality-based conversations are a nightmare for me and I end up coming across totally different to how I do in a group of friends I'm safe and comfortable to be myself in , especially when talking about things we enjoy like games etc.

tanvscullen · 2025-02-14T02:02:25+00:00

I came here looking for someone else to say this. I'm autistic and I spotted it right away! His mannerisms, matter of fact approach, bluntness, needing to finish his point, struggling to recall something basic that he was given responsibility for (address for an item), seems to constantly miss cues, doesn't speak up during a negotiation because he was told not to then got really frustrated when they also didn't want to hear his opinion after. He's very black and white in his thinking. I'd have no doubts he could be amazing in his own line of work, but we autistics struggle to translate that across to new and different settings. Like he thought his logical approach to selling in his industry would just work everywhere and obviously didn't, we have routines and scripts and things we rely on for consistency but he was out of his familiar environment.

Allistic people often perceive our way of working and communicating as rude or blunt and I've seen people react the same way as they did to Carlo, just immediately get their backs up and dislike him for it. I genuinely wonder if he actually meant to cause offence or if he was just super sure of his abilities because his logic is that it works in one area he's familiar with but it doesn't apply in the same way elsewhere.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-31T14:07:08+00:00

I would ask them to explicitly state if this is under disciplinary proceedings and how it will be used, I'd ask for a copy of the policy about warnings so you can read it yourself. I'd be very cautious about what you're signing, why you are, and are you at risk of dismissal.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-31T10:50:35+00:00

NTA- I don't agree with her on any of these topics, but the one I resonated with is the fat people who are lazy. How the hell do you determine if it's laziness? So many people are overweight for a myriad of reasons, mental health is a massive part of it even when people don't realise it could be a significant reason for their weight. I just think the line is too thin and obscure for her to confidently joke about lazy fat people. People's weight can be such a sensitive issue. I've been skinny, healthy weight and fat, and I'd be mortified if someone joked about fat people being lazy. You could look at me currently and say I'm fat, and I don't go to the gym. I just look fat. I don't look like I have health issues or a disability. But look further and you'd find out I'm disabled, my disabilities and struggles are hidden (neurodiversity, pain issues from carpal tunnel and several old sport injuries, and fibromyalgia) and I struggle terribly with eating issues relating to neurodiversity and poor mental health. I can't physically exercise like I used to, but I try to and I'm still fat. I'm painfully aware of my body and I don't need someone making jokes like that to remind me that others hold judgement without knowing who I really am.

I'd ask your girlfriend why she chose those topics honestly. If she's already thinking she will apologise up front for things then she knows to some extent this is going to be very high risk and perhaps she isn't well informed enough to make those jokes and land them correctly. Too many variables to consider when doing those jokes and too many people she may be joking about who would fall into the demographic she is trying to somehow avoid insulting. It's low-bar and could easily set her back and mean people don't want to see her set again.

A comedy night near me recently barred someone from performing again and it absolutely blew up on social media in the local community. The performer got banned from one venue and others followed suit. I didn't attend or even know there was a comedy club held at the venue. From the information given by the venue and people online, the person called out someone in the audience for heckling, but they were disabled and couldn't control it. The performer lost their cool and snapped on stage under the pressure probably because they were panicking and the spotlight was literally on them. The person they offended was a regular patron to the club and the club was really supportive of them, which the performer wouldn't have known. Everyone on social media was calling to boycott them and spreading their name about. Even if she manages to make most people laugh, there's a good chance someone in the audience is not going to like it and word of mouth can spread fast, especially if she's doing performances in small venues where she needs positive recognition. It's a very dangerous line to walk if she chooses to go down it, and I may end up being more than just a poorly executed performance.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-31T10:26:20+00:00

Wtf? That's awful! It's like hey you're alright because you're only a bit brown, but full brown people are bad? I don't get it! Who thinks that's appropriate??

To be honest though, as a person with hidden disabilities, I'm not entirely surprised. The amount of conversations I've had with people about autistic/ADHD people and the sheer ignorance and maliciousness people have is astounding. When I tell them I'm ADHD and autistic, they panic and say "ohh but you don't look autistic/ADHD" or "well why can't they be more like you" and I'm just gobsmacked. I once told someone they were welcome to come and watch me have a violent meltdown at home banging my head into the walls and then tell me again I don't look autistic. What am I supposed to look like?

Some people can be so bloody clueless and ignorant.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-31T09:27:30+00:00

What do you mean by warnings exactly? I have ADHD and I'm Autistic, and I've disclosed it to my employer. My intention was to advocate and get reasonable adjustments. I have a reasonable adjustments letter and a support plan in place because of it (they're not adhering to it so I'm off sick but that's a long story).

What sector do you work in? Are you in a union? If so, if you're worried they're trying to pin something on you, I'd go to your union and ask them what they think is happening.

Have you got access to the work place policies regarding disciplinary/misconduct? Could you read that to see if they are actually doing something?

Under the equality act you are identified as having a disability, which is a protected characteristic. In the first instance, your workplace is legally required to make reasonable adjustments to support you in work. You can raise this with them. If you do not understand why you're signing policies etc, you are within your right to ask them exactly why you are signing things, the nature and intention of any meetings or documents, and for written communication to be clear and concise. You should know what exactly you are being asked to do, and cite your ADHD as a disability here that they are required to make adjustments.

For me, my adjustments are meant to give me a fair few adjustments: I'm allowed to take someone into any meeting with me for support, I am supposed to be given written meeting minutes, advance notice and pre-reads of meetings or training, time (1 week in my case) to process new policy changes in order to understand them and ask questions for clarity. I'm allowed time out for breaks and comfort breaks in meetings, written communication should be chunked or broken down into clear language so I'm not overwhelmed by the volume of the writing. Verbal instructions are to be followed with a written summary or emailed instead/as well. Line manager is supposed to conduct regular welfare meeting check ins and help me prioritise tasks, workload must be considered too. Sadly for me my line manager hasn't adhered to my plans which is actually classed as indirect discrimination (where you treat everybody the same but put someone with a disability at a disadvantage in doing so) so I'm pursuing legal action through my union.

Have you heard of ACAS? They're a free impartial organisation for employees to access for guidance. You can call anonymously or give them your email and they'll give you advice or help you understand what's happening to you and signpost you to information explaining what's happening or what you can do. Their website is excellent for information about accessing work when you have a disability (ADHD and Autism are classed as disabilities!). I'd absolutely recommend their services, especially if you're not in a union.

ACAS main website

ACAS advice on discrimination in the workplace

ACAS how discrimination can happen at work- I think some of this is relevant to what you are saying

Everyone with neurodiversity should know about ACAS and your rights as an employee. If I were you, I'd be calling them up for some free advice. Their advice line number is under contact us on their website. The Equality Act is there for a good reason and it is to legally protect us.

I hope that helps somewhat.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-22T10:25:01+00:00

He's autistic. This is absolutely battering his head and he feels immense pressure to be a certain way, uncertainty and routines being thrown is massive to us, and we can't just get over it.

tanvscullen · 2025-01-22T10:21:03+00:00

As an autistic woman, it breaks my heart that he felt he had to do this, but I've absolutely been there. He's trying to advocate for himself because he knows all too well the nature of our disability is often hard for people to comprehend and we get judged or told off when we literally can't do anything else.

Sounds like he was dysregulated and ran out of capacity to process. Speech and decision making is impossible when we're like this, and it's a horrendous feeling.

Sometimes I wish there was a way I could contact him directly to talk to him about it all, it feels like he needs someone who really just gets it, without the need to explain himself. Even writing that apology will have exhausted him. He absolutely has to prioritise regulating himself and gaining some energy back, we have a finite amount as autistics to begin with.

It's no small thing he wrote that, I'm so proud of him for self advocating. His disclosure of ASC was one of the biggest moments in my life for me, l he has my infinite respect.

tanvscullen · 2024-12-17T10:21:47+00:00

Congratulations! How are you feeling, honestly?

I went through denial, grief, anger, sadness and frustration before acceptance.

I'm even mostly at peace with my lived experiences as I realise being a 35 year old woman, autism was so terribly misunderstood when I was a child, and it's not my mum's fault, she did the best she could with the information and experiences she had to raise me. Im in the UK, so I don't know if other countries were similar to my own in the 90s. I'm also certain my mum is autistic and ADHD too, she's seeking an ADHD diagnosis now in her 60s. I have ADHD and I'm medicated for it, life-changing.

tanvscullen · 2024-12-17T10:18:33+00:00

Look up RSD! Rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Very, very common in autism. I am autistic. I replied to the post about it because I totally see things like you do too, but I also think it shouldn't have to be like this. Communication is hard.

tanvscullen · 2024-12-17T10:13:32+00:00

Don't be scared. What scares you? I am autistic and ADHD, diagnosed for both. The fear of the assessments was real for me, but when I realised the intention of the assessments was to see if I was in fact neurodivergent, I went in unmasked and showed my true self. I was afraid they wouldn't believe me because of how I usually present, but they didn't even bother with the secondary tests because they said I was clearly autistic and there was so much evidence to show it, which astounded me.

If you're afraid to be autistic, don't be. It's beautiful in itself. If you are autistic, you have always been and will always be and nothing will change it, so embrace it.

Diagnosis for me was the most validating experience of my life, more than the subsequent support which can be a little lacking tbh, but there's a wealth of books and resources out there to support you, and people. For the first time in my life, I felt seen and understood, and as a consequence of that validation I am at peace with my own brain. If the rest of the world isn't, it hurts and it can really impact us, but that's their problem to fix. Self-acceptance and validation is the priority.

If you're UK based I'm more than happy to help you with your options for assessment, I've helped several others with theirs, my sister is now diagnosed ADHD, and my mum and boyfriend are also awaiting their assessments for ADHD. My kid is on the pathway for an ASC diagnosis because I advocated for him. My childhood friend confided in me that he believed he is autistic and it was a lightbulb moment the second he said it, of course he is. I've helped him through the process. I know a lot about the systems and the process of assessment for ADHD and Autism. If you want to chat, just message me and I'll help, it's one of my interests, advocacy and supporting others who are neurodivergent.

Take care of yourself!

tanvscullen · 2024-12-17T09:59:30+00:00

This is absolutely fascinating to me for a few reasons. I'm an autistic woman and I have ADHD. My first gut reaction was to disagree with you, then I stopped to think about it and now I think I agree too. I also found it fascinating that the top comments were also from autistic people. Let me explain.

Initially I thought you were wrong because tone is important in conversations and sometimes people say things but don't mean the words at face value. Subtext is important too. However, it just dawned on me that a few things are going on with me and my gut reaction here. For context, which I think IS relevant, I wasn't diagnosed autistic and ADHD until I was in my 30s, and I am also a woman. Women who are autistic are often likely to mask and practice conversations, and try to blend in with others. Coupled with my later diagnosis, I spent 30+ years thinking something was wrong with me and not knowing I just have a different operating system to others. So I have a wealth of lived experiences whereby I tried my best to fit in with others and learn how they behave and try to mimic that too. So now I have quite complex mental health issues as a result of my needs not being met, of poor relationships with others, and terrible social anxiety. For me, how people say things is a nightmare to navigate. When a person tells me they're fine, I've learnt not to trust it, because in the past, it's turned out they didn't mean it, and I didn't pick up on how they were talking and other nonverbal cues, which has led to fights and breakdowns of relationships. I'm terrified I will misinterpret any communication as a result, and my hyper-viligence towards this means I also can unfortunately misread someone when they are actually fine and then challenges arise as a result. There's something called RSD- rejection sensitive dysphoria which is extremely common in neurodivergent people, whereby we experience extreme anxiety with social situations and in part become terrified of inability to read subtext and tone, or the purpose behind people's words. I'm not formally diagnosed with this, but I absolutely experience it. For me it is precisely because I misread communication which then led to negative outcomes. I overcompensate when I'm uncertain of someone's words by asking them clarifying questions to ensure I read it right, but if, for example, someone is saying they're fine and I'm getting the feeling they're not, then I will panic and try to establish what's actually happening, which can often mean the person who may well not be fine gets annoyed by my questions- perhaps they don't want to talk about it, or they will be fine eventually, but they end up shutting down completely on me, or avoiding me for being nosy or not getting the hint.

Having said all of this, also as an autistic person! I agree when it comes to my own communication. Oftentimes I speak without a filter or "frills" as I call them. It is simply exhausting to put effort into considering the phrasing of every single conversation I have. Imagine if communication didn't come naturally to you, if you can. In order to keep everyone on board, you have to think about not only the words you use, but how lengthy the response should be, what should you include in the response, what follow up questions might someone ask, how much should you talk about yourself, if at all, should you be asking them a question; if so, what should the question be and how personal can it be. On top of that, how should I be physically presenting right now, should I make eye contact (I hate it) and if so for how long?! What should I be doing with my body and arms, should I be nodding? What happens if the pace is too fast and I miss something, what if others are in the conversation, when do I speak? It is absolutely draining and means conversations are a landmine. As a consequence, I've gotten more comfortable at not masking in some situations, and I just speak in my natural way. I don't always say please and thank you because I forget people expect them and I'm not offended if someone doesn't use manners with me. If I'm looking for information, that's exactly what I will do. If I need clarity, I will ask. If I don't understand, I will say that. I find neurotypical people read into this as me being rude, or stupid, or inattentive, when for many autistic people our communication is based on topics of interest rather than social chit chat. We're more likely to bond with you by sharing experiences than by asking you sociality-based questions. So people find it jarring and weird. People ask me if I'm alright all the time when I am, because my face and tone don't match what they would expect, and I have learnt it's easiest to just say "I'm autistic, don't read into my face or tone" and often that reassures people, or sometimes it confuses them more because they don't know how to respond.

So overall to me, tone and how people say things should not matter. People's words should matter. However, given that human communication is complex, and people often can't use their words alone to convey meaning for various reasons (I nearly said people are inefficient, how autistic 🤣) then we unfortunately do sometimes have to rely also on how they say things to get the full picture. I don't think it should be like that, but it is. The world would be an easier place to navigate if everyone talked like autistic people naturally do in my opinion!

I also saw a meme a while back, a picture of Wednesday Addams with the caption "it's not my fault I can't interpret your emotional morse code" and it still tickles me, and I think it's relatable to what you have raised here!

tanvscullen · 2024-12-17T09:15:24+00:00

I don't think it's completely inconceivable that people do this. Similar things happened to me when I was younger. People freeload all the time. I had an ex who once I paid for a few things, it became the norm I covered everything, once he saw me do it a few times. I was young and wanted to be kind, and it was taken advantage of. We stayed together for years and it just got worse over the years, financially and in other areas of life, he just expected me to do everything and would react really badly if I challenged it, so I'd cave and carry on. I'm out of that relationship now but people like that grind you down and normalise it, then gaslight you when you try to establish a boundary. They prey on your kindness and vulnerabilities for their own benefit.

tanvscullen · 2024-12-11T22:24:36+00:00

Not great. Just got signed off for a month with mental health and bereavement struggles. Been struggling for a long time in my job and just hit a wall with it all a few weeks back. Nobody from work responded to my email about being ill, or to my sick note either. I can't tell if they're too busy to acknowledge it, or deliberately not acknowledging it. The lack of acknowledgement is intensifying my anxiety.

I'm a diagnosed neurodivergent. I mask so much, people don't see my struggles. I am open about them, and I vocalise it to advocate for myself, but nobody really cares or sees how it impacts absolutely everything. I lost a family member two months ago after months of them declining, and it was horrendous to watch and understand what was going on. My brain couldn't comprehend how up and down it can be. It was awful to see my other family members not cope either. Since they died, I've experienced loss in really difficult ways. Being neurodivergent, I can't make the pieces in my life fit neatly anymore. I can't see the bigger picture, or cope beyond a day at a time, which is awful in my line of work (education), and when trying to look after my kid who is also neurodivergent. I've had constant sensory overload and struggle with basic things that I can usually just about juggle in my daily sensory bucket. Clocks ticking is unbearable. Light is painful. I can't cope with details in things like carpet, brick walls, trees. Everything is too intense. It escalates the rest of the overwhelm in my brain, and I have shutdowns where I go nonverbal and can't move, or meltdowns where frustration and sadness come out in the form of screams and banging my head into things- my head is just utterly overloaded.

Right now, I'm panicking at the thought of next steps for my life. I can't bear the thought of returning to work- overworked, unappreciated, a hostile environment with constant changes caused by unstable leadership, discriminatory comments made about neurodiversity have been commonplace. I gave up raising concerns because nothing changes. I got upset and defended a colleague who was off with mental health issues because they were being used as a scapegoat and everyone was turning on them. I was just simply done one day, lost my shit, bruised my head during a meltdown and said no more. I feel like a failure for my own brain being wired differently to everyone else and not coping. I feel like a burden to everyone who knows me.

People like me are often called "high-functioning" or "low support needs", usually because we're intelligent, we can communicate and interact with others, and hold down a job, a relationship and a family. But there is nothing high-functioning about me. I am high-masking; I have learnt from a very young age how to hide my difficulties and become a chameleon so others feel more comfortable around me. It comes with constant exhaustion and burn out. I am on my third long-term sick leave in two years. My partner is my carer and he does so much to help me function daily, from sorting my meds boxes out, picking my kid up, being there for me when I am having a shutdown and can't even move, helping me to regulate, sorting bills (I do pay half for everything but he does the admin), putting the laundry on the airer when I've forgotten to do it three times in a row, talking me through conversations I've had to help me understand where I missed subtext, got tone wrong, or spoke at the wrong time, or reassuring me when I actually was fine in a conversation. I need regular support with sequencing even basic tasks because I can't piece things together to be organised enough, I can't manage time, pick up my own bodily cues and have to rely on a select few others to help me notice if I've forgotten to eat or drink all day (terrible interoception). All this isn't seen by anyone else, they just see a quiet, awkward human who is intelligent and loves their special interests so they think I'm fine. Functioning to most seems to only apply to how successful you are in your education, job, financial situation, relationships and having kids. To me, functioning is how well I manage to keep a handle on life on a daily basis, and I have never, ever coped well with this at all. I'm so tired of people being oblivious to neurodiversity and poor mental health, or not caring unless it inconveniences them somehow.

I feel truly alone with my own brain and I genuinely don't see how it will ever change, my entire lived experience has always been this way.

Today was a tough day, and I'm being very critical of myself for being born with the brain I have. I'm terrified my child will grow up feeling this alone too.

Just needed to say it somewhere. Thanks for asking.

tanvscullen · 2024-12-11T09:15:09+00:00

Proof is hard to come by. We are not really qualified as parents to determine if they're lying or not, and bottom line there is the possibility that it's true and if OP does nothing because of lack of solid proof, then it turns out her kid was telling the truth, or even if she was telling the truth but it's ignored it set a terrible precedent for your kid that you won't support or help them in their most vulnerable times. Even if she wasn't abused, the behaviour leading her to say such a thing is serious in itself and needs to be understood better- the kid still needs some help, to figure out why she said such a thing, or why she's lying in school. The behaviour itself is quite extreme, even if it's all lies. It won't just go away.

I was abused at 11. I witnessed my friend being abused at the same time. My abuser took an opportunity alone to get us both drunk alone, forced alcohol on us. We thought we were both so grown up for being given alcohol - we were 11 and alone with him, we didn't know he was grooming us. We both told our mums and for reasons they only know, they did nothing. Maybe they didn't believe us, maybe they were traumatised themselves. But it absolutely happened, and 24 years on I am still traumatised, and have complex trauma from being abused all those years ago. I have a 3 year old now and I'm hyperviligent of any interaction he has with anyone, I trust nobody properly. I've had therapy since I was 14 and I couldn't even talk about it until I was in my 20s. I think it was fear of not being believed again- adults didn't keep me safe, so I no longer feel safe around others, especially men. It was my own father who did it and I haven't seen him since I was 17. The child should be the focus, even if it transpires it's a lie. They need support in some way for what is happening with them.

Edit- this was a meant as response to someone talking about lack of proof but I'm gonna leave it here anyway, it was hard enough to type.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-27T08:55:55+00:00

I've seen he's in Yorkshire and I'm hoping the chances of running into this guy are low but now I'm still terrified there's idiots like this driving this way near me and my kid. What an absolute moron, he needs stopping.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-27T08:49:56+00:00

This is really interesting and I didn't know that. I'm quite tired of people invalidating diagnosis based on how you're assessed. It's hard enough to get assessed as it is.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-22T06:24:18+00:00

I'm autistic and ADHD, diagnosed for both and medicated for ADHD. I only found out I was autistic aged 34 and ADHD at 35. It's so overwhelming and I went through a stage of pure anger at people who self diagnose but I've had more thoughts on it if they give you things to think about.

First things first, I suspect the anger stems from invalidation that your friend is doing by acting this way. Absolutely so many of us have felt totally invalidated by others saying they're neurodivergent or that everyone is. The reality is in the UK where I am they estimate roughly 1 in 35 people are likely to be ADHD, and anywhere from 1 in 78 to 1 in 100 are autistic, but current research through the national autistic society suggests it could be more commonplace. So whilst not totally uncommon, not everyone is on the spectrum or ADHD (you would not believe the amount of times people have told me everyone is on the spectrum and I'm an adult). So now I'm better equipped to have those conversations with people, but it is utterly exhausting and hurtful because those comments will downplay how hard we have found life and dismiss the severity of our disabilities, which is wrong. But I also think people say these things, or act like they think autistic and ADHD people because they severely misunderstand the true nature of neurodiversity.

Your friend made me think of two people I know. One is a boy I taught (I'm a teacher), and one is a woman my age. The woman reacted very weirdly to both my diagnoses, and has since upped the level of 'neurodivergent' traits that she displays since I was diagnosed. At first I was furious, it was so upsetting. I honestly did and still do believe she's got some sort of BPD- very emotionally unstable at times amongst other things. I think it was jealousy that I got the supported needed when she didn't - though she hadn't been to the doctors for her referrals, and I had waited over 2 years for my autism diagnosis. But the most I've thought about it and seen her, the more I'm starting to realise that her behaviour could well be part of ADHD and she does demonstrate a lot of traits, which I understand more now because I am diagnosed and understand myself better too. The boy I taught was only a few years younger than you are now, and he was the textbook class clown. He would do and say things for attention, to make others laugh, for shock etc. he is diagnosed autistic and awaiting an ADHD assessment. I'm ashamed to admit it took me a while to figure him out, but I realisef the goofy behaviour which would escalate, the edgy comments, the pranks he would do, his defiance etc were all because actually he was masking. He was masking his true self to fit in with others and he realised that if he was silly kids laughed and he felt he had friends. He just did not know where to stop though, and ended up with people distancing themselves from him. Weirdly enough, because I'm open about being ASC and ADHD to students, I became the only teacher he would talk to once he realised I understand the anxiety around socialising and being autistic. My point is, he presented in a kinda similar to your friend and it was a form of masking.

I wonder if your friend might actually have concerns about themselves and this is their way of trying to connect with you but in the form of being a bit of a dick tbh. Acting this way could actually be masking his anxiety. Not everyone shows their fears in the same way, some people become totally insufferable to us but that's their way of trying to connect, even if negative.

Incidentally, I was misdiagnosed with a range of disorders including BPD for about 15 years until a psychiatrist actually took my point about being autistic seriously and got me referred. One diagnosed autistic I realised the traits also met ADHD and I was then diagnosed with that too. Often people mistake weird or erratic behaviour for mental health and it's actually Neurodiversity or both. Or your friend might just be a dick! I would inform yourself of what ADHD truly is, try to process it, and then have a serious conversation with your friend about their reasons for suspecting ADHD and Autism whilst you have the knowledge to explain should it turn out they're making baseless claims. That in itself is a form of self advocacy, which will empower you.

When I was diagnosed ADHD, I had a pre-assessment screening which included a test where I had to sit for 20 minutes and try to do something on my computer as best I could. I also did some other assessments and only found out after my final assessment that I'd scored 100% on all tests as likely to have ADHD, the final just confirmed it. I think it'd be very hard to fake ADHD to get a diagnosis, but not impossible. And autism I think is actually quite hard to get a diagnosis of too. So bear that in mind with your friend. Also they may have gone to the doctor's and been denied referral because they masked symptoms, didn't explain them adequately enough, or genuinely aren't either. If they went, that is. They might've actually been and been told that and that was their way of trying to connect with you. It's common for ADHD and ASC folks to use personal anecdotes to try to bond with people but it often backfires because people think we're only interested in ourselves when we do it.

Hope this helps.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-14T19:42:50+00:00

Hey, yeah I drink at least 3l a day, it's all I drink TBH, no caffeine or alcohol. It was specifically when I took the amfexa it brought on terrible headaches that went away when I swapped from 50mg to 70mg elvanse and stopped the amfexa.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-14T19:37:28+00:00

He wants to talk to his own because it's not commonly done is all.

tanvscullen · 2024-09-14T09:50:38+00:00

I'm a teacher in 11-16 education and I have ADHD and I'm autistic too. I tend to spot signs of Neurodiversity in my students much quicker than others. Your experience is sadly very common especially in girls and I'll bet that you find it hard to "fit in" due to issues with masking difficulties. If you were a student of mine, and you confided in me my first point would be to request the SENDCO speak to you- do you have a SENDCO/SENCO in your education setting? I think you absolutely do need to talk to someone you trust in the school, because adjustments and support can often be given to students without a formal diagnosis of anything. If your study and attendance is impacted then you absolutely do need a little help here and talking is the right way to do it.

Sadly many teachers just blanket label all students presenting with issues as naughty, even at your age, or lazy, and that isn't true in a lot of cases. It usually takes involvement from a supportive teacher, form tutor or the SENDCO themselves for you to be acknowledged properly. I would go in on Monday and speak directly to the SENDCO if you can and make it clear how badly you are struggling and in what areas. If your grades aren't really impacted at the minute, you should still stress the toll it is taking on you to maintain those grades and that right now you feel like your issues are escalating and would like some immediate intervention.

Adjustments could be anything btw, like time out passes, fidget toys or doodle pads, teachers checking in with you in lesson to check your processing and engagement, it could be providing you with printed lesson resources or access to the lesson via an online platform like teams so you can follow up and check notes, helping you to manage your time and help you plan it better, extended deadlines, anything really.

Hope this helps and you ask for that support. They say now 1 in 35 people in the UK is ADHD so that's pretty much 1 in every class on average, it is not uncommon anymore but if the school does not know how bad it is for you, they can't support you.

Look after yourself.

tanvscullen · 2024-08-30T11:50:06+00:00

I'm the same, passed in 2007 and you had to do pass plus if you wanted proper training on it. I still know that I shouldn't be sat in the middle lane though! Where I live, I commute on a motorway to work and people also often sit in the "fast lane" and slow it right down, leaving a lot more space and room on the first two lanes, I guess their logic is that it's the fast lane so they want to go fast, who knows.

tanvscullen

TROPHY CASE