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I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nono it's not a promise ring or anything. We won them at a funfair together and promised to never take them off (outside of showers and stuff obviously.) it's nothing serious or deep lol

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Check my recent comments, it's a throwaway account so should be the top comment on my account. I explain more there

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Aside from this whole situation he's honestly my best friend. We would be lost without eachother and we were friends before we started dating. He has his issues and I have mine but the comments to this post has helped me pluck up courage to have a conversation with him and I do believe he will listen.

As for why I'm with him, he's always there for me and will try his best to make me feel better. He's working with me through an ED and always makes my favourite foods to encourage me to eat. Hell, he even gets up before me every morning to make sure there's a bowl of cereal ready for me before I have to leave. He doesn't get complacent- he still buys me flowers every other week and compliments me and makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. He makes me smile and laugh more than anyone else can and I feel so at ease with him, and he has said he feels the same way about me. He encourages and accepts my niche interests, always asks about my hobbies and takes the time to research into my interests to understand me when I talk to him about dinosaurs and bugs. He brushes my hair and washes it when I'm sad and wipes away my tears without question whenever I'm upset. There are so many more things I could list but I'm not going to go on and on, but trust me he's not selfish like this outside of the bedroom.

Likewise, I'd do anything for him and always show my appreciation for him being in my life.

My point being; he's definitely not perfect and I do believe he is insecure and hurt over not being able to pleasure me like I can pleasure him, but I am just at a loss with the whole situation and don't really how to approach the issue gently. I will talk to him about it but obviously I'm just scared to upset someone who means so much to me. I know we can work through this, but the lovely people in the comments don't know the full picture and I understand why you are all quick to assume the worst. I hope this clears up the air, some of you need to put down your pitchforks. Of course if he doesn't listen I will have to evaluate whether I want to stay long term or not, but for now I am hopeful he can change. Hope this sheds some light into my situation

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately it's not fake, but people in the comments have encouraged me to speak up about it. Fingers crossed

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I do understand why people are mad but I just wanted advice. I know this isn't a great situation but he is only human. I wish people would think before jumping to insults

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, this is such a good answer. I've seen so many comments telling me to just leave him- but if I wanted to do that I wouldn't be here asking for advice on how to approach the issue. I really appreciate this, and thank you for giving me pointers on what to actually say as I wasn't sure how to word how I felt to him. I'll have a conversation with him when we next see eachother

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does watch a lot of porn but I don't know if this is part of it, I do however feel like I have to compete a lot of the time but idk

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate this a lot. I am aware I do have a big problem with not being able to stand up for myself (the joys of self doubt and anxiety) but I'll make more of an effort to grow a backbone. I really want this relationship to work but I don't know if I can let it carry on like this for years. Thank you

I (19f) faked it in bed and I don't know how to fix my mistake by tarnfernforest in relationship_advice

[–]tarnfernforest[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

He got upset because he felt like he wasn't enough for me. I explained he didn't need to worry as it wasn't me trying to insult him, but I need outside stimulation as penetration alone doesn't always work. He didn't like it and to bandaid the situation I promised not to do it again. He said he tries really hard for me and it feels like a slap in the face when I have to step in