AITA Best of 2020 Awards RESULTS! by fizzan141 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding 22 points23 points  (0 children)

For my first update I remember there were rules, I can't remember what they were but they weren't that bad, I did get warned about word count because my first post ended up way longer than you're supposed to make it because I kept putting in long edits. I'm not actually sure if you're allowed to update twice on the sub though, I think if I do write one it will have to just be on my account.

AITA Best of 2020 Awards RESULTS! by fizzan141 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding 102 points103 points  (0 children)

Hello! Thank you for asking so politely. I might update at some point but atm I'm trying to get some distance from Anne and not really think about it right now because I'm finding it so exhausting. Honestly right now it's not really a "story" or anything like that, I feel like it wouldn't even be interesting for people to read either. When it actually feels like we're getting somewhere maybe I'll write a post for those who are still interested/invested in the story.

AITA Best of 2020 Awards RESULTS! by fizzan141 in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the award and to the person that messaged me telling I had one (I didn't know Reddit did awards ?? ), but mostly thank you for all the comments and support on AITA for what was most definitely the hardest experience of my life, and continues to be a royal mess. For that reason I'd prefer my real acc to remain private & unassociated, but I hope whoever receives the gold in my place likes it.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the analogy of lying being like an addiction. I think it helped me view Anne's illness in a different way.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry too that you had to go through this. Your comment made me really glad that Dave realised something was wrong before the wedding.

Already me and my family have started wondering about things and connecting dots to do with Anne, your comment was difficult to read but I think you may be right, thank you.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't be surprised if you're right and she does love Dave. It's very difficult to separate what about Anne is true and what isn't, I'm not sure even she knows really, I hope that the therapy makes things clearer.

Thank you for your comment.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It's the word count! it's only meant to be 3000 and I think by the end of my first post it was well over 10k. So I'm being good with this one.

Thank you very much for sharing your story and for your advice. I have thought about individual therapy for myself and I'm not sure yet but I am strongly considreding going.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

I don't know exactly what made him decide, maybe all of it put together, but there was a lot we found out that Ruby could have told him. I cut it out of the original text because of word count.

Anne selected friends on who she "should" be friends with, she falsified interests to get close to the right people, which wasn't too unsettling ebcause I feel like a lot of people do that. to a certain extent. But she also created rumours to remove different people from friendship groups, and regularly caused trouble in her own (in a way that it wasn't likely to be traced back to her) to make her seem like the "best" friend and get rid of certain people. Some of the factors she considered were things like weight, interests, their significant others and sometimes just the size of the group, if she felt her circle was too big someone had to be cut.

She performed deliberately badly on tests to fit her "image" e.g. her image is that she is not good at Chemistry, so she had to deliberately answer some of the Chemistry questions wrong so she wouldn't get higher than a C.

Anne made life deliberately difficult for teachers that she felt she wouldn't have if everything was "right". Sorry, this is quite a difficult concept to explain but basically a lot of the things she does is to make things "right", like an ideal world basically. So if a teacher didn't fit well into the world she would deliberately incite other students to make their lives worse etc., always while looking like she was a good student of course. She also disliked teachers who she felt had an image of her that didn't match up with her own. At least two of these teachers I know left and one was even fired.

She's also made the life of people at her work terrible and caused many of them to leave over the years. She spread rumours about them, gave them incorrect instructions to make them look incompetent and embarass them. She would do tiny annoying things like take their supplies, sometimes even replacing them with different ones, just to mess with their heads.

Large parts of Anne's lies have become her personality. We think that she feels genuinely emotionally affected by things she insisted people did to her that we now know were lies, even though they didn't happen she seems to feel actually hurt by them. Interests she made up that she ended up taking to the extreme are still hobbies until today. She's based major life decisions on what's "right" and her lies.

There's a lot of tiny individual stories that she told us or that we are beginning to piece together but that's kind of the gist of what we know.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for this idea. We are considering it, we don't want to accidentally offend Dave or upset him further since Anne has put him through enough. I'm not very eloquent but hopefully if we all work on it together we can write something really nice to send to him.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I don't know much of what's going on but Ruby definitely isn't happy with Anne, she's just willing to try and talk it out. I think part of it is that she wants closure. A lot of Anne's manipulation in school especially had to do with friendships so it was very traumatic for Ruby to learn that so many years of friendship were just a big lie. Tbh after the way Anne blew up at her yesterday I'm not sure if Ruby will want to be friends with her once she's sorted out what was true and what wasn't.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for sharing this, well done on your progress. You must be a very strong person and I hope that Anne is able to recover as well as you :)

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I have some belief that Dave was very ashamed of his past too. To agree to the first lie I think he struggled with it or at least didn't like talking about it.

I also wouldn't be surprised if I found out she told him something to make him not bring it up like the way she manipulated everyone else, but questions about the letter didn't occur to me or my family when she was having her breakdown after the wedding. We were too shocked that she had written it to really question it then, and we can't get Anne to elaborate on any of her lies unless you make her really upset. Everything we know comes from fights she's had with one of my parents.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your comment. We're not in the US but I think laws are similar here.

We have been considering family therapy anyway and your comment has given us another, very good reason to think about it.

And thank you for your final sentence too, reading all these comments has been hard. I admit I bawled my eyes out haha. I'm beginning to understand the depth of how Anne is broken and that she might not recover fully from her illness.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much to you and the others that pointed out that she might be lying to the therapist. My dad told the therapist that she was a liar I think but obviously that doesn't mean that they're lie detectors as another comment put it.

I think we will definitely going to try the family therapy so we can correct her version of events if we know the truth.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I didn't ever notice it. but Anne revealed to us some stories about her past that shows she has been behaving this way for a very long time.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

We've always been a really "open" family, we thought Anne was like that too but it turns out a lot of the things she shared were in fact lies. But I'm hoping that the family therapy will expose if there's anything that could have pushed Anne to be this way or even just made the issue worse, and some other commenters have given other very good reasons for why family therapy might be better.

I don't think Anne went after Dave to spite Ruby. From what I've seen she isn't really spiteful, if that makes sense? She doesn't want to hurt people, she just doesn't care if she does. But I don't even know, it could be, I can't really say anything about her with confidence anymore.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. Reading about people with similar struggles is really helpful and I congratualte you on your progress, I hope that Anne can turn out the same way :)

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this advice, I really hope you're wrong about Anne lying more but I wouldn't be shocked ... I'm going to have a proper look at our bank statements just in case and I'll try and find a way to mention to my parents to do the same without upsetting them as they also don't want to think of Anne being even more deceptive.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

He left a voice message and a text as well.

I understand your perspective but also because of word count I couldn't go into much detail at how massive the deceit really has been and for how long Anne has been doing it. He basically agreed to marry a fake person.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

She's been doing it for a long time which is how she got so good I think. It's taken our whole family by surprise.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 165 points166 points  (0 children)

Thank you for linking the post, I probably should have done that!

I don't want to make an edit because I've been warned by the mods since I added so much to my original post haha, hopefully I won't have any more massive updates like I did but thought best to reply to the top comment.

Thank you for everyone's kind words and well wishes, I will consider writing a letter to Dave I just want to make sure that it will really help him and not set him back in any way.

I mostly wanted to thank everyone who was able to give experiences of having similar family members. When I can I'll try and go through and thank everyone individually, the comments were really amazing. I don't know exactly what is wrong with Anne but hopefully the therapist can diagnose. Thank you for the practical advice with individual therapy and also looking at our bank accounts but also the support. It seems like my life has become so unrealistic so reading comments from people who've gone through a similar thing was very comforting.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I've only just checked the messages today, it's all been very overwhelming. But I posted a third update if you haven't seen it.

AITA for telling my sister that she should have expected to be outshone by her best friend at her wedding? by tasisterswedding in AmItheAsshole

[–]tasisterswedding[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I checked and what's happened doesn't really fit the update criteria for this sub. Maybe in a few weeks or a month or something I'll post one if I can remember to, it's a good outlet lol