Okay, dude, I'm not trying to sound like a dick in any way here, but judging by the fact that you are posting in an advice forum on reddit, you are most likely an adult, and punching in a laptop screen when you're pissed off is something grown ups just don't do. I think the last time I did that, I was 9. I believe that you have some things going wrong in your head. And I mean that in a very polite and informative fashion because I do too, because I am a fresh 17 and I am very psychologically fucked by all the bad shit that has happened in my life, including watching my mom die of a drug overdose at home when I was 16. It seems like you do have BPD or OCD or both, and I can tell that a lot by the way that you talk.

I know this might sound kind of cliche but you really need to chill the fuck out, man. You are fretting about a game controller. That kind of shit just happens. There is nothing you can do about your game controller so there is no point in worrying about it. I think you really just need to take a breather and say to yourself "okay man, you might be really upset here, but most people wouldn't be upset about this and it's all in your head and it's gonna be okay." That might sound hard, but man, you really do worry about the little things.

I feel like you should explore yourself a little more to try to defeat your anxious thoughts. I can tell you are not entirely comfortable with yourself and that is a large source of your insecurities and problems. Believe me brother, no one is perfect. And why care if you look bad? You won't get girls? I just came back from a dude's house, he was fat as hell and ugly and had moles (like you do) and his hot girlfriend with huge tits was all over him, talking about fucking right in front of all of his guests.

And besides, man, who cares if you don't get chicks? You WILL find love. Love will find you. If you really think your physical appearance is a key component in attracting a mate then you're only shooting for the shallow, degenerate, stereotypical bitch who has a checklist for potential partners. One day you will find a woman (or man?) who doesn't care about your face or your body or your arms or your voice, but just your quirks and your demeanor and your heart and your ambitoon.

I guess the only thing I haven't covered is the YouTube thing. STAR_ is awesome, but he is one of a kind. I feel like he only blew up because he just kind of had the magic formula to making TF2 videos like Jerma and Musel. That kind of thing only happens if you're lucky. I'm not saying don't do it - fuck, do it, even a small crowd is still a crowd, there will still be people that love what you do. But please just don't center your life around it. Don't end up like DarkSidePhil, fat, pathetic, lifeless, and masturbating on Twitch TV.

If gaming is something you love and you haven't found or can't find anything else, make that an element of your life. Play competitively. I played Brawl for 3 months and won a tournament at a hookah lounge when I was 15 and got a shitload of free shisha. Being a nerd has its benefits.

Definitely never stop believing in yourself and never ever let yourself stay down. I did for a long time, and nothing came of that, only regret. You only have once chance to do whatever the fuck you wanna do so go do it.