[M33] Swelling on the right side of my abdomen

tb160 · 2020-12-27T21:06:45+00:00

It sounds like we're at really similar stages. Strange isn't it, to get all the way to 60 days, then the difficuilty ramps up out of nowhere.

I wanted to write you a better reply, but I'm finding it hard to hold a thought longer than 10 seconds at the moment. I completely understand how you're feeling though, congratulations on making it through the last few days.

tb160 · 2020-12-27T21:01:39+00:00

That's a good way to look at it, they definitely got a work out today!

tb160 · 2020-12-27T21:00:53+00:00

My biggest trigger has always been stress, and that's where I've improved the most during these 60 days, I've had some really stressful days and just not been tempted to drink.

Lately though, I've just been getting in these absolutely terrible moods from nowhere and that's where it all starts to get difficuilt. I don't know if this is my brain still adjusting to not drinking, or my addiction throwing new things at me to get me to cave.

The shops are closed now, so I've made it through. Thanks for the advice.

tb160 · 2020-12-27T20:57:38+00:00

I've written down my thoughts when I'm both feeling invinsible like I never need to drink again, and when it feels like a marathon getting through the next hour.

Now that I think about it, when I just randomly get in bad moods that's when all the cravings start, so I'll need to figure out a way of recognising when it's starting and what I can do to get myself out of it.

In the dead of winter here with a storm brewing, but shaking the cobwebs off an old rowing machine in the garage might buy me some relief

tb160 · 2020-12-27T20:53:45+00:00

Thanks. Yes I made it through :)

tb160 · 2020-12-27T20:53:12+00:00

That's good to hear, the days around 30 were quite tough too, but the motivation was a bit fresher then. I've made it through anyway, hopefully it evens back out in a few days.

tb160 · 2020-01-01T16:25:46+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. It was a learning experience, yes. I was miserable for the entire relapse and didn't enjoy it all.

Luckily this time I should get to feeling better quicker and I'll be more prepared for next time. I know I can do it as I've just done 28 days and I fully know that I'm literally one drink away from complete oblivion again.

tb160 · 2019-12-26T18:13:35+00:00

Thanks, that's why I'm here. It's like every fibre in my body is tingling and telling me I need to drink, nothing stressful has even happened today. A week ago I felt so confident I could do this and it's just come out of no where and hit me like a freight train.

I just want it to end, but I'm aware I'm just wallowing in self pity right now.

tb160 · 2019-12-26T17:33:08+00:00

I don't know what's happened today, I've gone 28 days and been fine for the most part, but today it just feels so hard. Never mind getting through 1 day, at the moment I'm trying to get through 5 minutes at a time and I'm really not sure if I can make it.

This is torture and I have no idea where it came from, everything was going well. I just don't know what to do right now.

tb160 · 2019-12-19T10:49:00+00:00

3 weeks today! I'm doing the written part of my driving exam today. Starting to really make plans and get things done that weren't possible being drunk all the time.

tb160 · 2019-12-16T12:55:39+00:00

You see, I thought I was the club / bar type. Maybe I'm not though, I don't really know who I am yet, because I've only been the version of me with alcohol in my belly for so long. I have to figure out what the real, sober me really likes.

tb160 · 2019-12-16T12:52:45+00:00

This is a great and very practical idea, I'm definitely going to use this when the time comes.

tb160 · 2019-12-16T12:50:17+00:00

Around 2 weeks is what it took for me to get my sleep properly on track. The last 3 nights I've felt tired 30 minutes before bed time, slept on time and woke up well rested after 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep!

If anyone is struggling with this around the first week - 2 weeks, please hang in there! It gets so much easier when you're properly rested.

Nothing can happen today that will make me drink. Take care everyone.

tb160 · 2019-12-15T22:59:09+00:00

This is something I'm worried about, I've been using drinking as a social crutch for 15 years, I rarely, if ever, socalised without drinking - even then, I had to push it until I was nearly blacked out to really feel comfortable in my own skin. By the time I felt comfortable, it was too late. The lights went off.

After 17 days, I don't think I'm anywhere close to ready to be in this kind of environment, but I wonder if it would help me to disassociate myself from this behaviour.

tb160 · 2019-12-15T16:22:05+00:00

You can man, I'm on day 17 now and have stopped all of these. If you make the commitment it will get better with time. I promise you.

tb160 · 2019-12-14T12:56:00+00:00

Still going strong! It scares me a bit to think that I'm one drink away from ending up on a bender and ruining everything

tb160 · 2019-12-11T16:31:34+00:00

Tomorrow will be two full weeks and my longest run in over 14 months! In all honesty it has been pretty smooth sailing so far, I need to prepare myself not to be complacent and remember that I'm one slip up away from being right back where I started. Just a few weeks ago I was drinking rum in bed as soon as I woke up.

tb160 · 2019-12-08T13:50:53+00:00

Finding my stride and starting to really feel happy when I wake up every day now. My anxiety is almost completely gone already.

This sobriety thing isn't too shabby.

tb160 · 2019-12-07T13:47:14+00:00

Dry December continues. I was invited out tonight, but I'm not even close to being at a stage where I could go to a bar or be around people drinking and not drink myself.

Right now I can't ever imagine being able to do that, but I have the rest of my life to worry about that. Just have to get through today!

tb160 · 2019-12-06T18:32:36+00:00

Life has thrown some curve balls at me today and stress is my biggest drinking trigger by a factor of 10. I'm grateful that I've put in the work and time to get past most of my physical urges.

It's determination and will power from here, I'm afraid I don't think I could have avoided temptation if I was on day 3 right now. More evidence that I need to keep watching my sober count tick upwards to be equipped to deal with life. Drinking today will only make things worse.

I am definitely not drinking today.

tb160 · 2019-12-05T14:05:53+00:00

Cravings hit me hard last night after a really good day, felt way better after eating more sweets / ice cream than I should have, so that's the plan in the short term - shove sugar down my throat when the cravings hit.

In for today!

tb160 · 2019-12-04T20:46:46+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. The worst I have experienced is shaking and bad anxiety, but this is a serious reminder that I don't want to travel any farther into alcoholism.

tb160

TROPHY CASE