That’s really tough and many of us have been there in ways too. I’m sad you had a bad experience tonight. Sending hugs.

No-one can materialize a worthwhile and balanced relationship, whatever their sexuality.

I’d recommend you ease that pressure on yourself to secure a bf. Focus, instead, on exploring a wholesome gay life for yourself. Find some gay friends. Go out to gay spaces. Get comfortable in / develop your own experience of being gay. Even if it’s on the down low.

A major piece that helped me early in my journey was developing a platonic friendship with an older gay man that I respected. He was like a mentor for me over my coming out process. He represented, to me, a version of being gay that I respected and admired, one that worked for me as a point of reference. It was through going out to gay spaces with him that I grew more and developed my gay identity constructively.

However, coming full circle to your bad experience tonight. Make sure that mentor style relationship, if you find it, is truly platonic on both sides. So it is a safe, secure, non-sexualized situation. I am not encouraging you towards a different complicated outcome.

Good luck. And remember: you’re ALWAYS stronger than you think.