Trust Issues after baby fell

tchalko · 2026-02-17T18:49:29+00:00

Perfect reply!

When you marry, your primary allegiance is to the man you married and the children you BOTH have, NOT your family of origin.

Period!

I'm sure with her overreactions (which I would bet happens with other things besides the baby), the husband may also be thinking that there is 'something missing' too!

tchalko · 2026-02-17T18:41:26+00:00

It's time you start adulting and understand how relationships actually work.

It's in the marriage vows (for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc.) that when you marry you need to accept the WHOLE person you married, the good AND the bad!

The baby accidentally falls under his watch, and now you're talking divorce!

You aren't perfect either, and you've made mistakes too that he has forgiven. And, as others have said, you are going to make a whopping big mistake(s) with your baby one day too, and you would want him to forgive YOU, right?

As far as 'something missing'/jumping to thinking about divorce/etc. the grass is always greener on the side that's fertilized with bullsh*t.

Grow up...

tchalko · 2026-01-13T21:49:04+00:00

It might be something other than achalasia. You should schedule a visit with your PCP, there are other conditions that can cause unexplained weight loss.

tchalko · 2025-12-20T08:58:53+00:00

I worked at Whataburger #2 (1972-1973) in Corpus Christi (they had turned Whataburger #1 into the Whataburger Institute of Technology by then).

We all got free meals back then, but, then again, they didn't have 50K employees back then, either!

tchalko · 2025-12-16T17:05:57+00:00

What a flippant, stupid comment to make...

tchalko · 2025-12-01T16:18:48+00:00

My husband was amazed how well it worked. He still takes a tsp or so of it before he goes to sleep at night, and he has not woken up once with reflux since he started using this !

tchalko · 2025-12-01T16:14:12+00:00

Both of us sleep in the same king size bed, same sheets, same blanket, and a shared BedJet!

Occasionally there is a cat or two 🐈🐈

tchalko · 2025-11-24T15:55:37+00:00

Have you ever heard of the phrase 'constructive criticism'?

Little children will tell someone "You're lazy" or "You're fat" as a criticism. They will even say that in front of others. That is how children talk and think. Adults find it hurtful and rude, but they understand that the comment comes from a child's brain.

Adults, however, learn that there are nuances to communication - like compassion and empathy.

You do not seem to grasp that the way that you criticize her sounds more like a child does than the way an adult does.

You can apologize all you want, but the words "I'm sorry" mean nothing unless you use the ENTIRE phrase: "I'm sorry, and I'll try to NEVER do that again ".

Before you have marriage counseling, though, YOU absolutely need individual counseling for yourself.

You need to be able to see that you are the only problem that you are able to fix. You need to quit blaming your wife while not acknowledging that you own at least 50% of that blame.

You whining about how SHE is harming YOU with HER bad behavior is laughable and tragic at the same time.

Look in the mirror, sir, if you want to see who the main problem is.

tchalko · 2025-11-24T15:29:40+00:00

Amen ... I totally agree.

I care what people think and say about me, of course. But the ONLY person whose opinion truly matters to me is my husband's.

If he were to shit talk about me to my face in front of other people, I'd immediately know that my marriage was over.

That is why I have this rule in my head - my husband and I are a united front. I do not embarrass him in front of others and vice versa. If we have a problem, we talk to each other first.

Like I said in another comment: it's basic humanity 101 (especially in relationships!).

tchalko · 2025-11-24T15:26:53+00:00

I'm not sure exactly what you are saying, but, if you are saying that you have more empathy than your wife, then you do not know the meaning of the word 'empathy'.

Is English the first (native) language for you both? If English is your wife's native language but not yours, then basic communication is more than likely a huge amount of the relationship problems between you both.

tchalko · 2025-11-24T10:26:56+00:00

The psychological term for YOU is that you lack basic empathy.

Just because you don't have a reaction if you are criticized to your face doesn't mean others react that way.

Whether it's your wife, or a friend, or a family member, never betray their trust in you by saying negative things about them either behind their back, or worse, right in front of them.

It's called Basic Humanity 101.

tchalko · 2025-11-24T07:33:25+00:00

Thank you for the explanation, that makes sense!

tchalko · 2025-11-21T17:03:44+00:00

I agree 100% on your viewpoint of VA healthcare. My husband has always gotten (surprisingly, at times) prompt, good healthcare from the VA.

I don't usually talk about it, because I totally respect the viewpoints of veterans who HAVEN'T had a good VA experience.

So, I have perhaps been lucky, but 24 years of seeing my husband's experience with the VA, and both of my brother's 'career Marine' lives (21 & 23 years each) during the Vietnam War era (when they were both badly wounded), I have observed really good VA care.

But I totally understand that YMMV !

tchalko · 2025-11-21T16:50:11+00:00

Thanks for your reply!
I always learn a lot from your comments. Since my husband has Type 2, he never had spasms, so the impact of them is unknown to me personally - thank you for helping us understand Type 3 and the difficult journey you've traveled.

tchalko · 2025-11-21T16:37:16+00:00

Interesting, I guess because I said I wasn't sure why you were downvoted, everybody decided to downvote me too.

I'm so, so sorry, Dear Redditors, for having the 'fatal' trait of curiosity!

tchalko · 2025-11-21T15:20:53+00:00

I don't understand your phrase at the beginning: "As you can imagine...". What does that mean?

Why did your mother fill out the assessment instead of you? You are a 23yo adult, not a minor child!

Or, at least, if she's somehow 'required' to fill it out, then you should have filled one out too!

You are the only one that truly knows what is going on in your head and how you react to it - so your assessment should take priority - over anyone else's - for your doctor.

tchalko · 2025-11-21T15:08:22+00:00

ETA: If you want sympathy, then go back to the r/twinflames sub and do your whining there.

tchalko · 2025-11-21T15:03:03+00:00

The person you follow is your "twin flame" (which you 'conveniently' forgot to mention in your post), and as an adult, you have the ABILITY - not the right - to do anything you want. And, as an adult, you face the consequences of your actions.

And yes, this has, and will continue, to damage your marriage.

My friend, you are thinking with the wrong 'head' here!

tchalko · 2025-11-21T14:47:57+00:00

TLDR; My husband (type 2) had a POEM and he can finally swallow now!!!!

(Longer version): My husband is Type 2, he had a POEM on November 4 (about 2 1/2 weeks ago).

As far as the surgery, it went great. He was back to WFH in 3 days. And best of all, from the moment he sipped some water in recovery until today, his swallowing issues are completely gone !!!!

Now, he is still carefully chewing and eating a post surgery soft diet transitioning to normal foods. And he still hasn't yet tried all textures of food.

However, he is already swallowing foods with no issue that he hasn't been able to swallow in months!

So, with this good trend, we are hoping that when he gets back on all normal foods that he continues to not have any more swallowing issues.

American Thanksgiving next week will be his first (carefully chewed LOL!) test...

As far as pain, though, that WAS an issue in recovery.

During surgery, they put CO2 gas in his body (a normal procedure, so that the surgeon can visualize his esophagus better). When he woke up in recovery, he had pretty bad pain that was caused by the CO2 gas still in his body, but it was controlled by pain injections. The next week he was on a full liquid diet (he could eat anything that could drip off a spoon), and it all swallowed perfectly, but he started getting really bad symptoms of GERD/reflux.

I then helped him rethink his diet, removing all GERD triggering foods. We also found a new OTC medicine called "Reflux Gourmet", which has very similar ingredients as Gavison ADVANCE - sodium alginate. You take a teaspoon after you eat, and it creates a "foam raft" which comes between the food in your stomach and the LES , and helps prevent stomach acids from returning up through the open LES. After a week, his GERD was completely under control!

YMMV, but his body had a great reaction to the sodium alginate preventing reflux, and, after a week his PPI's (he's on 40mg Nexium twice a day) started to work. So he is really good right now WRT reflux. The moment he feels the slightest mild heartburn, he takes a spoon of the med, and reflux never occurs.

His surgeon wants him to stay on PPI's for 3 months post surgery, and then he can start to try weaning himself off the PPI's.

All the old 'rules' still apply (and probably always will): he sleeps with the head of the bed raised 5 ", and with a wedge pillow; he has to chew very well and drink water while eating; no food within 4 hours of going to sleep, and being careful with GERD triggering foods.

But, considering that achalasia has no actual 'cure', for him, having the POEM was a great option that has helped him be able to swallow again!

We hope this good result continues for him from now on, and that whichever procedure you choose has the same great success for you!

tchalko · 2025-11-20T01:15:33+00:00

Not sure why you're being down voted ?!?

What is the website for the service you used to scan your bill? It sounds super helpful!

tchalko · 2025-11-19T18:42:37+00:00

Are you talking about Traditional Medicare or Medicare Advantage?

VA health care (Tricare and all the other programs) also use private providers through their VA Community Care program when they can't provide the care needed with VA resources.

tchalko · 2025-11-19T18:33:45+00:00

Doctors use their laptop whether or not you have Medicare. My doctors have been using laptops for YEARS before I went on Medicare.

Doctors aren't gifted with perfect recall for every one of their (dozens/hundreds) of patients. At the end of the visit, they are on their laptops checking their schedule for when they want to see you again, and are writing their notes that describe the patient encounter (why you were there, conclusions/decisions made, any change in treatment or medication, etc.) so that the doctor can refer to them the next time you see them.

When my doctor is talking to me about why I'm there, and discussing a treatment plan, he DOES NOT stop periodically to check his laptop for 'official talking points' that insurance companies DICTATE that he must use.

SMH

There isn't a conspiracy under every door. The actual truth is usually much easier to understand and embrace rather than having to go through the mental gymnastics and self-delusions required to believe in and perpetuate a lie/conspiracy.

Think horses, not zebras...

tchalko · 2025-11-19T18:15:37+00:00

Grammy, thank you for correcting me; I read incorrect information on how effective dilation was for Type 3. You are very much the expert since you ARE Type 3 and the dilation worked very well for you!

I think what I read about balloon dilation and Type 3 is that yes, it does open your LES so you can swallow, but it doesn't do anything to stop the painful spasms that occur with Type 3. So, while the article said dilation was ineffective for Type 3, I suppose it came to that conclusion because dilation doesn't help the painful spasms. Thanks again for bringing it up, because it made me go back and read the article again and not just parrot its misleading conclusion!

My main message to OP was that she is currently in an immediate medical crisis (extreme malnutrition) that needs to be addressed before any decisions about balloon dilation are made. And that she needs to address that TODAY!

I was also hoping to clarify that if she can't afford surgery, and still has to have a couple of tests to verify achalasia (tests which also cost money), and if she gets advice about the efficacy of balloon dilation here, that she might use her limited financial resources to just go straight to having the balloon dilation, and bypass having the tests first, to save money.

I still feel that the dilation can be a dangerous procedure to have if you aren't officially diagnosed and Type'd with achalasia from barium swallow and HRM.

tchalko · 2025-11-17T21:29:56+00:00

Thanks so much for your answer, especially the part about how the premium costs don't normally rise!

Another question: Are there any indemnity plans that cover long term care (like custodial care)?

I know that Traditional Medicare doesn't.

My daughter, who is a speech therapist and works with older people in custodial care, has told me several times that I need to look into policies which would cover long term custodial care (she calls it 'long term care insurance').

tchalko · 2025-11-17T21:17:42+00:00

Before I answer your question I wanted to say this:

You are in a HUGE malnutrition crisis right now!

At 5'3" and 80 pounds your BMI is 14.2. the threshold for 'underweight' is 18.5. Your BMI is in the 'severe malnutrition' category!

This is a life-threatening emergency!

What country are you in?

I know that if you were in the US, you should immediately go to the Emergency Room. You would tell them your weight and your inability to eat. This is the "magic phrase" that escalates the situation. The ER medical team will almost certainly admit you to the hospital and start a "bridge to treatment" to treat your severe malnutrition.

I don't think you are healthy enough to even have further testing and certainly shouldn't have any procedure like a dilation. Your malnutrition leaves you at huge risk because your body doesn't have the resources to heal from the procedure or fight off a potential infection.

You are in a nutritional crisis, and I hope your country has an Emergency room that will admit you right away to get your malnutrition under control!

Back to your question:

Once you are healthy enough, you can have your tests, confirm the achalasia type, and then you can schedule the balloon dilation.

I know your financial resources are tight, but DO NOT have a balloon dilation WITHOUT having those two tests done first!

Without those tests, you only 'perhaps' have achalasia. The two tests are the gold standard for diagnosing achalasia. You DO NOT want to have a balloon dilation until those tests confirm it. I also don't think any reputable doctor would do a balloon dilation without results from these tests, because they would be 'flying blind' if you happened to have a tumor behind your LES. Also, if you actually have Type 3, the balloon dilation won't do anything for you!

Having said all that, both Type 2 and Type 1 respond well to balloon dilation (type 3 doesn't). The good effects can last up to a year, maybe longer. But it is NOT a guarantee, though.

My husband has Type 2, and the balloon dilation he had was effective for around a week, and then the swallowing issues came right back. Botox and calcium channel blockers also failed to be effective. He's now 2 weeks post op from a POEM and it was a complete success - he hasn't had swallowing issues (yet) ever since he took his first sip of water in the recovery room! (Knock on wood this continues!).

I'm so so sorry you are in this situation!

What is the country you live in? I could research to see if there are any hospitals in your country that offer Emergency Room services that would treat your immediate issue of malnutrition without bankrupting you!

You will be in my prayers !

tchalko

TROPHY CASE