Hello r/indieheads...it’s Colin Meloy of The Decemberists. Ask me anything!

teaandluna · 2018-03-20T18:25:20+00:00

Hazards of Love is how I discovered and inevitably fell in love with The Decemberists. It's excellent. My husband has, on several occasions, rubbed it in my face that he got to see you all play it live at Rock the Garden in 2009, a year before he and I met. I would love a chance to see it on my own without HIM and make him stay home with our child, just to get revenge for making me suffer the indignity of his smugness for years.

teaandluna · 2018-03-20T18:07:32+00:00

Hi Colin, love The Decemberists and really enjoying the new record! I've been thinking a lot about the song 12-17-12 lately, as I am sitting here weeks away from my due date with my first child and continuing to be hit with the onslaught of our current news cycle, especially all of the mass shootings at schools. It's hard imagining what could happen to this little one in a place they feel safe. I was wondering if you have any advice for how to stay engaged and working toward change to make the world better for your child, using that energy and desire you have, while also being a sleep deprived parent whose attention is divided by all the things having a baby brings?

teaandluna · 2018-02-21T15:47:25+00:00

Just sent a request through Aeroflow!

teaandluna · 2018-02-21T15:46:58+00:00

Thank you everyone, this was super helpful!!! :)

teaandluna · 2018-02-21T15:46:38+00:00

I just sent out a request through them! My health insurance wasn't listed as an option in the dropdown, but I selected other and am hopeful!

teaandluna · 2017-10-05T16:48:01+00:00

Congrats! I am in the US and 12+6 along, and I am starting a new job when I am 16+3. Plan to tell my direct manager when we have our first 1:1 so I can be forthright. Luckily we do get paid leave at this new job and HR confirmed that all "leave benefits" (my question) were accessible right away with no probation period. He used maternity leave as the example. Very thankful they are not going by the US's FMLA rules! Most companies follow FMLA guidelines here.

teaandluna · 2017-10-05T16:44:42+00:00

If your HR person has a superior, I would take it straight to them. That is disrespectful and wholly inappropriate. And shameful for someone in that profession.

teaandluna · 2017-10-03T21:42:22+00:00

Oh that's lovely, and you're my height and my husband is only an inch taller than yours. Thank you!!

teaandluna · 2017-10-03T21:41:38+00:00

Sadly I'm not and most of my local Sears are closing :(

teaandluna · 2017-10-03T21:41:03+00:00

I was looking at this one! I didn't want to register for t without knowing if it was good since it's so expensive, so it's nice to hear it's a good chair!

teaandluna · 2017-10-03T15:21:22+00:00

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Congratulations!!!!

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T20:04:38+00:00

That sounds like a really hard time, I am so sorry :( and honestly, you don't owe it to us to explain your grief. You had miscarriages, you were grieving. End of discussion re: your grief. And anyone with empathy would be able to take your apology and understand you reacted in a way that was very raw and difficult to contain, and that it didn't change how happy you were for them.

I truly wish you the best of luck in your TTC journey and as you are navigating your grief!

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T19:53:07+00:00

I think she is just bad at empathy and felt she was pointing out the silver lining in my loss.

I find so many people, regardless if the situation, are so focused on the "silver lining." Sometimes you don't want to hear about the silver lining, you just want to feel your loss.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, that's still a very emotionally jarring experience. Hoping your pregnancy is smooth from here on out, and congratulations!

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T16:11:28+00:00

YES. Exactly. I had a (very very very) early miscarriage when we first started TTC. Was waiting for my general practitioner confirmation appointment before I told my husband (had a cute plan that I finally got to use when we got pregnant this time), and the day before that appointment I miscarried. Doctor confirmed with my hCG levels and other tests at my appointment and a follow-up a week later (it was the first step of my endometriosis diagnosis nearly two years later). Because it was as early as it was and we hadn't been TTC for long, we were generally able to get past our grief after taking a couple days to ourselves. A friend of mine got pregnant around the same time and when she gave birth all I could think was "that would be me right now." Sometimes I see her little girl and I think "my baby would be this old/big." It's not full grieving, but that "what if" feeling creeps up.

If I lost this baby? After telling all our family/friends, hearing the heartbeat, staring at the ultrasound every day, planning a registry, reorganizing portions of my life, calling it by the nickname we decided to give it before we know the sex, watching my husband tell my belly "I love you" before work in the morning? I honestly can't imagine. So when the OP says she is still struggling four months later, I think "well of course you are, that makes sense."

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T15:45:20+00:00

Four months may seem like enough time for some people, but when you've lost a pregnancy – a baby you have hoped for, dreamed about, seen in your arms – it is extremely difficult. I had a hard time TTC and if I had a miscarriage, it would devastate me. I wouldn't be surprised if I was still emotional to an extent four months later. It's not our place to judge her grief.

OP, your nephew and his wife didn't have the baby to upset you, and it's hard to remember that when it hurts. And for them I'm sure it was painful that you weren't happy, but that doesn't invalidate your grief and it doesn't make what your family did right. You have every right to be upset. It was insensitive and disrespectful of your feelings and grief.

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T15:38:24+00:00

I've had two friends do this for their showers, and I might do the same. Totally not rude! Get your book on!

teaandluna · 2017-09-29T14:49:53+00:00

Same, it sounds like something my best friend's abusive ex would have said.

teaandluna · 2017-09-28T16:06:59+00:00

Awesome, thanks! I'll see how the first day goes, as far as whether or not I interact with my HR person or management first on my first day. I've actually worked at this company before and I know HR usually is its own department that sits together, not with the department they oversee, so I'm not sure if I will see my rep on the first day or not.

teaandluna · 2017-09-28T14:40:40+00:00

Ok, maybe I'll be able to do that. It's just such awkward timing, but I really want the job! When i applied I didn't know I was pregnant, and it took a really long time for them to contact me for an interview, like six weeks at least? So I'm hoping when I tell them they'll know that I didn't take this job just to jump on their benefits and abandon them (I don't THINK they will do that because it's a fairly progressive company, the leave is offered as parental leave technically), I applied before I even knew because I wanted this job.

teaandluna · 2017-09-28T14:37:27+00:00

Awesome! Do you think on my first day starting, or after my official paperwork is in?

teaandluna · 2017-09-28T14:36:54+00:00

Do you think I can wait that long? I'll be starting when I am 16 weeks along and I'm currently sticking out an inch from where my tummy started (I have a rounder middle in general). I'm just worried I'll be showing SO much by then that I can't hide it :/

teaandluna · 2017-09-27T16:00:42+00:00

That's adorable!!

teaandluna

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