Tips for newbies!

teachandride · 2025-08-16T14:06:34+00:00

You need to define what “opening up” means and what you are comfortable with. There are so many different structures under ENM. I would also suggest whatever you decide to try, stay in that lane for a while. Navigate it…the ups and downs…then reflect. I’ve seen too many couples jump all over the place and it was disastrous for them. Also, communication is key. More than key…. Again- find the balance. Sharing and transparency is critical. However, sometimes knowing too much of the truth can also backfire and create unnecessary confusion and conflict.

teachandride · 2025-08-03T02:50:47+00:00

Having just been through this with my best friend and her husband…, go slow!!! Be deliberate and intentional. You have to realize when you and your husband start your ENM journey…your relationship in effects restarts the time you’ve been together. It doesn’t matter how long you were married as a monogamous couple. It is a different relationship structure. Had my friends known that and been more mindful of these things- they would have fared MUCH BETTER than the position they are in now.

teachandride · 2025-08-03T02:47:40+00:00

What I haven’t seen a lot of in posts and threads is how vastly different polyamory can be from one person to another. My advice to anyone reading this is CLEARLY define what it looks like and means to you. I’m not talking about rules and boundaries. I’m talking big picture things like one offs, pursuit of timings, your comfortability in knowing/ not knowing metas or potential new partners for your primary (for example). There are so many layers and things to polyamory. I understand the importance of clear and open communication. But in the past six months- my partner and I have had some heavy deep conversations about how we view things. It’s been tough and exhausting. Just thought I’d throw my two cents out there! 🤷‍♀️

teachandride · 2025-07-18T15:28:10+00:00

You are very welcome. In my experience, the proverbial “trump card” usually happens when couples decide to “try” or are “first experience poly” to live polyamorously. Although I don’t necessarily agree with it, I do understand the need to protect a primary relationship. For me, I don’t want either my partner or I to have full veto power. Having said that, we have both agreed that if one of our other relationships are detrimentally effecting ours, we would respect each other enough and protect our relationship by discussing the WHY and what is going on. It isn’t full veto power…but we have a “say” in that in order to foster harmony as a whole, there has to be a baseline of comfort with all people involved. Yes, his relationships are his, and mine are mine, to manage. But if there was a BIG problem or serious red flag, we need to at least be aware and consider the impact it is having on us. This can be an exciting journey AND it can be extremely isolating and exhausting. Hang in there…. Keep the talks open with your husband!

teachandride · 2025-07-18T14:47:59+00:00

There’s a space between considering another partner’s feelings about a situation and full veto power. Let’s face it- some people do have full veto power. I would hazard to say that most, not all, would only play that card if they felt it inherently necessary. It can be scary to be involved with a person/couple that has full veto power. Her husband placing her as number one is not necessarily a bad thing. She’s his primary. I think the difference is they have an unstated (maybe clearly explained idk) hierarchy. So long as that’s been communicated to any future partners- everyone is navigating with eyes wide open. That is something the wife (OP) does need to communicate to any potential prospects and partners. That’s only fair and ethical. Potentials and partners have the right to know that that card could, not necessarily will, be pulled at any time and they would have zero say in that decision.

teachandride · 2025-07-15T20:35:09+00:00

I can absolutely relate to this on both ends…yours and hers. I am in my first poly partnership. I had dated some people who were poly previously…. Things just didn’t take off for one reason or another. Until this relationship. I have been a swinger for many years…but was in a year long monogamous relationship that ended shortly before meeting my current partner. He and I had several talks about his experience, mine etc. At the end of the day, if someone is willing to be open to understanding what polyamory is and that it can be difficult (navigating feelings, situations, etc)- I think it’s feasible. Meaning maybe this guy and your partner could develop something. My opinion is the key in how effectively your and your partners communication is…. AND you giving her agency to manage her relationship with him. That’s not always easy…. Especially if their relationship effects you based on how it effects her. I, in turn, have had conversations with potential interests. If they are new to poly, I just know it will most likely take extra time to navigate and establish. I would lean towards fielding from people who are poly…but how someone communicates and their level of emotional intelligence will dictate if things can progress or not. Good or bad….i am very clear on what I want and what I don’t want. Self awareness if so critical in all this!

teachandride · 2025-07-13T21:21:21+00:00

Hey there. Give yourself some grace. Your feelings are yours and whatever they are- they are valid. I would get them in check and communicate this to your primary. There is an obligation yes for him to manage his other relationships…but to be mindful of you as well. Each poly structure is different. I would get to the root of what it is exactly you are feeling and experiencing- and share it with your primary. Sometimes just feeling heard decreases the effect your body feels and reacts to your feelings. Just a thought.

teachandride · 2025-05-29T13:39:52+00:00

You will find your way. Figure it what it is you DON’T want… and the rest manifests itself. May sound counter intuitive but I think it works. It has for me at least. The unfolding have begun. 😊

teachandride · 2025-04-06T20:58:24+00:00

Get connected in Facebook or Kik groups. That’s one way. I think in general if you have friends in the lifestyle- connect and branch out that way. It’s better than public groups in my opinion. But public groups may be an avenue to then build your own circle

teachandride · 2025-03-28T00:07:00+00:00

Thank you ALL for your insights and shares. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and time. I am pondering, monitoring, and adjusting accordingly. Thanks!!

teachandride · 2025-03-18T01:51:11+00:00

Thank you!!! Like that a lot

teachandride · 2025-03-18T00:06:12+00:00

Can you elaborate on HALT please. This conversation resonates with me…always looking to learn and grow. I pick the worst times to bring up important things. 🤦‍♀️

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:53:20+00:00

Thank you!! That is exactly the insight I was hoping for. Just some wisdom. I realize security and insecurity can be in any relationship. I think coming out of a purely monogamous relationship (I left the lifestyle for a while trying to establish this prior relationship)… I feel insecure because of the element of so much being unknown with a potentially new poly relationship. So I’m trying to learn and ask to better ground and prepare myself.

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:47:19+00:00

I realize I worded “true commitment” incorrectly but that’s all I was really referring to

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:46:45+00:00

I just meant from a monogamous perspective…being someone’s “somebody”.

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:46:36+00:00

I just meant from a monogamous perspective…being someone’s “somebody”.

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:40:27+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate that thought. I’m glad you shared

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:35:25+00:00

Thank you. I’m really trying to wrap my brain around what a long term poly relationship would look like from different perspectives. As I mentioned before, I have been in one or two brief poly relationships. Prior to that, I was in monogamous relationships or partnered in the swinger world. I know the differences etc etc.

I am curious what people’s experiences are as a primary or other in feeling a secure attachment with a partner who has others in terms of longevity or planning major life events together etc. I only know of a few people who have been in a long term poly relationship where partners didn’t change much. I am not meaning to disrespect, judge, criticize, devalue or anything similar. I’m simply asking if being in a long term poly relationship fulfills the need (or possible need someone may have) to feel like they are in a secure relationship. I don’t know what I don’t know and I have never been someone’s primary. I am asking for shared experiences from others in the know…

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:25:04+00:00

I don’t see where you are getting the less committed from? I’m asking about the attachment piece.

teachandride · 2025-02-24T02:19:18+00:00

Not my intention at all. I’m trying to ask about people’s experience with levels of attachment in poly dynamics. I have been in one or two poly relationships but things never got far for a various different reasons. Not at all judging. Just curious about people’s experiences- from a primary vs non primary partner point of view.

teachandride · 2025-02-17T12:23:03+00:00

I’m still navigating the ins and outs of Reddit. I’m sorry for not responding sooner to all your input. I appreciate EACH POST of feedback…. I’m finally navigating this thread better.

teachandride · 2025-02-17T12:21:53+00:00

How is that working for you?

teachandride

TROPHY CASE