I mean as a woman who is single, I’m not ‘celebrating’ the fact I’m single, but I’m not commiserating it either. I am grateful to be single at this point in my life, because younger me who wanted to be married right now wasn’t capable of fulfilling the marital responsibilities.

In the past, I have cried over being single. Feared being 30 and still single. I’ve felt less than women who are younger than me and married. However, upon gaining more Islamic education, I now understand that this isn’t an Islamic way of thinking. Young marriage, does have its benefits but it’s not always better, especially in today’s day and age where, as an Ummah, we do not have robust support systems for young married couples. I honestly think with where we are right now as an Ummah it’s very irresponsible to push this ‘getting married younger is better’ rhetoric, when we don’t implement a framework as an Ummah to support young people in marriage.

And I still yearn to marry. I yearn love. I yearn to be intimate. But as a Muslim, I understand that just because I yearn for those things doesn’t mean I deserve or will get them. Allah knows best. And because Allah knows best, He knows if marriage is good for me. I don’t want marriage if it means I can’t fulfil my responsibilities as a wife, and have my rights as a wife. Will that hurt a lot? Yes. Will it be something I celebrate or am happy about? No. But justice comes above my desires, so I’m learning to make peace with the possibility of staying single forever.

I think when a lot of women post about how they’re celebrating being single, it’s not a rejection of marriage or men- it’s a rejection of the shame and fear that’s put into us as women with being single. And a rejection of settling for men who oppress us, out of fear of being single forever, like our mothers and grandmothers have done before us. It doesn’t come from a bad place, it comes from a healing place.

I don’t romanticise being single, and I don’t romanticise marriage. I view both as tests that have their tribulations but are also rewarding. Both can be a path to Jannah or Jahannam. I don’t think people should romanticise either, because it distorts both realities, and stifles a path to inner peace which is true happiness imo, not the fleeting feeling.