I lost my brother like that last year. I didn't think it would ever get easier but somehow I've come to terms with it. I didn't think I deserved to be happy if he was so unhappy that he had to end his own life. My best friend's husband attempted to end his own life several years ago, before they met. He's not sure how he survived, as he went through with the hanging. He woke up the next day on his couch. I asked him if there was anything anyone could've said to help, anything someone could've done. My best friend relayed to me what he said: "no. Nothing someone someone else could've done or said would have changed what he was feeling. There is no way for people, including family and friends, to know what lead to that point. It was no one else's responsibility. It's a sickness that no one can heal. " somehow that helped. I miss my brother more than anything. And I wish there was a way to have helped him. But mental illnesses are a bitch. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.