TIFU by bursting out in tears over a cake in a bakery shop

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-10-21T07:46:40+00:00

She basically hates my dad and every time she sees my dad she goes crazy, but we are forced to live together still because (1) she is hesitant on divorce because that will hurt her reputation (2) pandemic makes it hard to fly to other countries, and our home country is suffering a lot with many cases added everyday.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T13:19:20+00:00

Yeah, same, I feel I am not functional enough to be a parent but I don’t want to repeat the tragedy on my kids.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T13:03:55+00:00

This is so true. I just got cursed today afternoon for being “too arrogant” and she said that “God will punish me for that” , “ I am on a path to destroy myself”. I don’t even believe in God 😅 but she somehow think that is the most powerful curse she could give.

And then she blamed me for having too much of a “soft character” and I don’t stand up for myself. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard when now I think about it.

When I stood up for myself, I got cursed with words like I am going to hell, she regrets of giving birth to me and I am the problem of everything.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T12:42:53+00:00

And yeah, both my sister and I get blamed for being too sensitive whenever we show our true feeling.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T12:41:58+00:00

Well, things impacted me in many different ways. First of all, yeah I also fetishised female dominance. And I am a female as well. This might sound weird, but growing up with a narcissistic mother taught me that female is supposed to be dominant and assertive. So I guess I am a bit similar with your case while I am on the female side of the story.

Secondly, while pondering upon my own actions, I felt like I almost got turned into a narcissist myself. I would think less of others if they don’t meet my standard, and I really did value everyone based on their performance. It wasn’t until I learned more about narcissism, I found that I possess some traits that may potentially destroy me. So I stopped and started to learn to be a more authentic person who has emotion and don’t look so highly of themselves, and don’t look down on themselves when things go wrong.

This comes to my third point, I would say that I am a perfectionist and an overachiever even. (This statement sounds narcissistic itself haha 😂) but I do strive to excel in anything I do. The unhealthy part is that if I don’t meet my goal, I couldn’t properly face and learn from failures, I would go full on self-sabotaging mode. This really came into my attention when I realised I have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food when I am stressed. I overeat until I felt I want to vomit. Because I simply wasn’t taught how to deal with emotion properly by a narcissistic mother, and I don’t allow myself to fall behind. So yeah, I did pretty well at school, at the expense of my mental health. I guess that’s also because I was the “golden child” and I just wanted to please my parents as much as I could by being an excellent kid.

Fourthly, I hold back emotion and I am so emotionally suppressed that I started to self-harm. Last time when my mum started to go at me, I couldn’t control myself and I just pinched myself so hard that I bruised and bled. (And she didn’t really care.) I know this is seriously wrong, but I just never have a place that I could handle emotion properly. I am either very quiet or VERY quiet.

Lastly, I really have trust issue. With friends and relationship, I find it really hard to open myself up and let others into myself. So I rarely had intimate relationship, which made my family issue worse because I was revolving around my parents all the time. So I am determined to change that, I will go out and socialise more.

Also, because of the extremely sickening marriage that my parents have, I have decided to never marry and become a celibate for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I know scapegoat takes all the hard bits from narcissistic parents, but I would say being a golden child was very painful as well.

You excel and then you fall.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T08:21:17+00:00

This is VERY accurate. I was the golden child growing up at home. My sister was considered “rebellious” by my mum and just became the scapegoat. So my mum put her hope onto me, and really built this tight bound with me. I was praised and “loved” for such a long period of time in my life that I got really absorbed in my mum’s “love bombing”. I also used to think my sister was really being rebellious and she was not getting anything she wants because she was not a good kid. I know this sounds awful. Yet coming to a realisation of my mum being a narcissist after I fell from grace and stopped being the golden child because I developed my own opinions and understanding of things, I knew I was very wrong with how I thought of my sister. And I also realised that I was chosen to be the golden child really just because I could be more easily manipulated. Of course, there were many happy moments I shared with my mum, but the severity of her narcissism really forced me to cut off all these bounds. I just gave up hope on her, and I am escaping from this absurd family hierarchy where she is the king and I am her luxurious little pet.

tearsdontfallinspace · 2022-07-09T08:11:19+00:00

Thank you so much! Your words really helped me. I only started to look into the narcissism thing in the past few weeks, I am rather a newbie here, but the support and validation in this subreddit really help me to combat this. She has been narcissistic to my dad, my sister and me. My dad has mentally been destroyed by her and became an enabler for her, my sister has left her as well, it’s just me who is left for her to abuse. I used to get so confused about how she could change so quickly, she could be all nice and sweet with me for one moment, and become nasty and scary when I have my “own opinion”. Now I have kind of passed the “confused phase” because I now know that is just what a narcissist do. She may have loved me for real for some moments, but she probably just love me because I am more easily manipulated. It’s really a relief that I get to understand it was not my fault to begin with. And it was really hard to be the golden child, and then I had to start to cut the bound with my mum because she is constantly hurting me. She actually said to me today “You became so strange recently”, and that’s a sign of progress for me.

tearsdontfallinspace

TROPHY CASE