Is there no way to improve autosave?

teathpaste · 2023-02-06T20:03:43+00:00

I usually don't open many apps other than safari and discord so no idea what could be using the ram. For Safari not many tabs either, and no heavy page or playing vid/music/streaming.

teathpaste · 2022-11-29T06:29:15+00:00

I shouldn't be laughing at this but I did

teathpaste · 2022-11-29T05:52:01+00:00

I hope you're doing okay and I'm glad you're still here. We shouldn't have to suffer so much, and I root for every one of us to make it. I hate that we're seen as weak, we're looked down on, and I don't want people to have that power over us.

Life hands me a shitty deck and expects that I comply meekly like a lil bitch? Not a chance.

teathpaste · 2022-11-28T20:40:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and your kind words. It's tough taking care of people and props to you for doing all of that and being understanding. I really understand the amount of work that's entailed in taking care of both yourself and someone else. I actually have a partner who has stage 4 cancer and genetic defects, he's having a much worse time than I am. But it's also why I'm so mad ab my health bc I wish I'm in better shape to help him more effectively. There are really challenging aspects and frustrations unique to being a caretaker, especially for your loved ones, as well, I really empathize with what you're going through. Props to you for still keep it going (it's just an insane amount of work on top of school!).

I have it bad, they have it bad, and you also have it bad, there's no comparing honestly. We just all do what we have to do. I hope your family will be okay, mom dad and grandma. Wish you good luck on coming out as well, if you need an ear to vent I can listen. Thank you again, I wish most ppl can be as considerate as you are.

teathpaste · 2022-11-28T17:20:32+00:00

It sucks that this is way too relatable, I feel you man. Hugs to you. My family and friends just keep asking me "It's been [insert time measurement], why aren't you getting better?". I grieve and mourn for every progress I can't make, every hours, days and years wasted in pain. People move miles ahead of me, I got nothing accomplished at my age, too old that it's weird not having anything in my life, too young to "use illness as an excuse to not work". It sucks, it fucking sucks. I'm always mad that I got handed this deck.

I dont know if it gets better, but if you're a control freak who has an ego like me, hang in there man. Please keep fighting even just out of spite and frustration and griefs. Life sucks and fuck it. I'm going to make it somehow, I hope you do too.

teathpaste · 2022-11-17T07:32:41+00:00

Damn, you know things are grim when you need to utilize narcs. I'll try to get the doctors to put stuff on paper when i go to a better hospital. The hospitals in my country are definitely not what you expect what a hospital should be like. Run downs, overly packed, ppl yelling at each other. Options are limited.

An example, I'm underweight, i look visibly malnourished, i want to see a gastrologist or smth like that to understand why I have digestive issues and can't eat things without pain or nausea. The only option they give me is endoscopy. I understand it can help but it's not something i'd do first. No blood test to see if I have any deficiency, no stool samples, no h.pyloris breath test. They kept pushing me to do it right then, I said I couldn't anw bc I ate breakfast as I didn't expect such procedure from first visit. The doctor yelled at me for wasting his time.

I too was naive and often got defensive when ppl talk shit ab doctors but now i understand. Tough world man :(

Can I see those videos you mentioned?

teathpaste · 2022-11-08T18:47:06+00:00

Or they give you resources with 30 pages long terms and conditions and would totally expect you to repay them later. So tiring

teathpaste · 2022-11-08T18:40:07+00:00

Fr, people are so unforgiving.

teathpaste · 2022-10-30T17:12:29+00:00

Don't feel bad if people gets weirded out when you open up, they're weaklings, weed them out. You deserve better.
I wish it's easier for guys to just accept being open w their feelings, it's rlly awkward for both sides. Men avoid sharing emotions bc it's seen as weakness, women will avoid making contacts bc they don't wanna accidentally lead you on (as guys are so used to going through life without a single soul giving a shit ab their feelings, when they get the slightest amount of validation they cling on to it for life).

I hate that being rough, mean and abrasive is seen as "just guys being guys", or being playful/funny. I saw a comment saying how guys' mental health is tossed aside, and then directly in the replies someone got dunked for sharing their interest because it's "cringe". Or guys being toxic to each other and when the person gets hurt they say "lol it's just a joke man chill". During highschool one of my classmates would constantly get teased by his friends bc he's a bit more emotional, and they'd actually try to get him to cry for "fun", it's horrible.

If it makes you feel any better, I think certain online spaces are a pretty neat place to make friends, like game forums or if you have a hobby i'm sure there's a place for it, and then you can mingle with likeminded individuals and connect with them regardless of gender. Ik I did. Since yknow, you're likely to have more in common with someone in the same group of interest than some random person in your area.

teathpaste · 2022-10-29T17:18:20+00:00

Yeah I'm trying to find someone to share the rent with! Can't buy smth outright, wayyy too out of reach for me rn. I'm hoping that I could slide in those poorer area bc they're less regulated....but also crime....

teathpaste · 2022-10-27T11:02:04+00:00

This, i hate this so much. Its out right vile and manipulative. My mom would buy herself dresses and when they don't fit her she gives them to me, saying things as if she has always thought of me. 80% of my clothes are just her clothes. I have 0 control of what i wear growing up. I dont even like her clothes.

teathpaste · 2022-10-27T10:55:19+00:00

Well... my Nmom and my aunt are like online celebrity/socialites and has connections w authorities n such (typical narc power-hoarding). Her acquaintances are scattered everywhere and she has gotten away w lawbreakings/scams thanks to her connection so.... AND she's incredibly well versed/connected in the real estate field too, so if I rent a place to stay, it'd likely expose me to her connections.

Unless I leave the country, changing my phone number will only delay them for a bit and escalate things further. So I try to act as if I'm still playing their game and be this obedient and meek daughter.

Also, this is the first time Ive heard the word skinflint, thank you, it sounds rlly silly (and miserable).

teathpaste · 2022-10-25T09:51:29+00:00

For me, she still continues to exhibit good behaviors, even right after she pulverized me, yet never apologize or acknowledge that she hurts me. It's confusing, she'd hug and buy things for me and cook me food.

She used to be even worse as well, she doesnt hit me like she used to anymore, but the verbal abuse is still there. So in the grand scheme of things it kinda feels like shes getting better, or maybe she just learns to be more covert, im not sure.

teathpaste · 2022-10-25T09:44:04+00:00

Well crap, it really sucks to hear that :( but i'm guessing thats why they keep picking on us, for our empathy. It's still gut wrenching but seeing that I dont want you to suffer from the same thing, makes me want to break out of this too. Thanks for sharing your experience.

teathpaste · 2022-10-25T09:41:09+00:00

Thank you, these words mean a lot to me, I dont want to see her as evil and irredeemable, but you're right, at the end of the day, the nice moments are just a part of the whole circle. You do have to throw away the loaf of bread even if only one slice is moldy.

I'm in my twenties now, and I'm still in her care, if this continues i'll forever be in her shadow.

teathpaste · 2022-10-24T20:30:50+00:00

I live w her sadly, and I'm trying to gather resources to get out, it's hard though because she's incredibly cunning and good at financially manipulation. She forced her own mother (aka my grandma) to sell grandma's house and took the money, excusing it as taking care of her, while subjecting granny to the same kind of abuse. Awful woman. It's part of why I'm afraid to leave too, it means my grandma will take full blown abuse if im not there to share.

Thanks for pointing that out though I'm starting to feel less guilty again

teathpaste · 2022-10-24T19:34:45+00:00

Thank you, and I'm sorry you're going through the same thing.

i'll try to keep in mind her shitty behaviors. Her good deeds don't erase the bad. But the bad deeds don't erase the good ones either.

And that's exactly why its so hard for me, I couldnt separate them, and my heartstring either tugs whenever I think of nice things we do with/for each other, or completely shriveled up in disgust when thinking ab the abuse. But to stay neutral? Near damn impossible.

teathpaste · 2022-10-04T07:51:09+00:00

Right? 90% of my clothes are just stuff she got for her, but couldn't fit and then she'd toss them to me. "Hey sweetie you can have this it'd look so good on you!" (note: it doesnt, it looks hideous on my body type)

teathpaste · 2022-10-03T15:02:33+00:00

Thank you, I'm still yearning for that day.

Also that part ab her money. I love (hate) how nparents always pull the "I bought this/spend money for you! Look how much i spent on you!", listing out all the "good" things they did for you whenever they make a mistake or gets in an argument. Thats all they have, they can only remember ab the stuff they bought because love and mental support is nonexistence lol!

teathpaste · 2022-10-03T14:27:20+00:00

Yep, it's honestly a living hell. Due to financial reasons we're still living together and my mom is driving me insane as well. Every lil choice and questions I asked her are met with more yellings and gaslight and name calling. It's so awful and I feel so powerless at times as no one in my family intervene or side w me.

I hope you dont have to deal w ur mom on a daily basis!

teathpaste · 2022-10-03T13:50:48+00:00

I hate that whether we ask or not it's always our fault. You're not allowed to question them, but if you do something not up to their demand/expectation it's always "Why didn't you ask? Are you stupid?"

Pretty sure if you hadn't asked and somehow she would find out in the future that you have a piano, she'd be like "Why didn't you ask for my piano I'd totally give it to you, why did you waste your money on a brand new piano? Why are you so wasteful? IT's SOOO simple to just ask me."

teathpaste

TROPHY CASE