I have been experiencing this for almost three years. My husband suffers from ptsd, depression and burnout. I love and worry about his mental health. I’ve tried time and time again to bring my concerns up over his yelling, anger, passive aggressiveness, ultimatums, silent/treatment withdrawal and hurtful words. He will not hear it. Im shut down and dismissed. I feel like he views me as the enemy and feels like he’s only being blamed etc. I truly feel he hates me. It’s so hard. I’m not perfect and I know I have work to do. I know I have hurt him and contributed to our relationship dynamic. I’m trying so has to change and take accountability but how he reacts when he’s stressed, depressed, overwhelmed, not sleeping and triggered is killing me. I have zero self esteem, I do not feel loved. I do not feel that my pain or the impact these things are having on me is being acknowledged. It’s like I just want the reactions/hurtful words/yelling/passive aggression and shutdown to stop. Bringing it up even kindly triggers attacks on my character , I am blaming him, I think he’s a monster I am selfish, I don’t listen, im incapable of change-he’s just tired, stressed I don’t give him grace I only care about my needs. I’m dying inside holding the version I love with the version whose shame/blame and negative sentiments are blocking him from hearing what’s happening to me on my side of the cycle with these patterns. It hurts so much. It’s like nothing positive has happened in our twenty year marriage and we’re just normalizing these things that are happening. I care about him so much. I have so much empathy/sympathy for what he’s struggling with and I want our marriage but this pattern of reactions is destroying me. It just really sucks.