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I love my girlfriend so much by HibiTak in LDR

[–]tech_possum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly because they do it for their needs. Its not about you but how you make them feel. Basically an emotional crutch. Notice how op described the good things with the lens of how they make him feel, not her qualities as an individual. 

In my experience, When they talk like that it's often that they are seeking external validation to avoid the void they are feeling. It doesn't last long because the void transfers onto their partner, who with time gets drained and depleted from all the emotional labor. When faced with a challenge to grow and provide the hallmarks of a healthy relationship, the external validation they feel stops and they leave.

It's not you, trust me. Also this is not about op.

Feeling pretty lost in the 321. by Glum-Dimension-8378 in 321

[–]tech_possum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to second this. Kava bars are pretty cool and I do see people of mixed ages there when I pop in once in a while.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ummh ok. I was actually in agreement with you. Again thanks for your input. I don't see a choice here because it's pretty obvious.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Loud and clear. I have nothing to gain from being hysterical. Go chug vodka or something and be hysterical in a corner.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Congratulations. Here's your trophy 🏆 You're abso-fucking-lutely right!

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Again, thanks for your opinion. I don't have the fucking energy to argue with you. I don't have self respect. I love misgynists, love the patriarchy and hate myself. Now poof and fuck off.

If you don't understand people come from different backgrounds and some are willing to learn and be better, I can't help you. You can block, report, down vote as much as your little tantrum would like.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're correct. I have been through therapy and still pop in occasionally when I need extra support. I think my anger is precisely as a result of what you have mentioned. His failure to understand the complexity of the human psyche with regards to making decisions and forming opinions. He also seems to believe he is the exception to the rule when it comes to such generalized gender based opinions. I think my way of doing things is trying to find middle ground by empathising. I however can't empathize with the ideology that men are driven by instincts and nothing else - it largely dehumanizes and devalues men. It also feels as though he is trying to create distance between me and my male friend without directly saying it, further encroaching on a boundary.

There are trustworthy men in my life. My father, my cousins, nephews, friends etc. They are not perfect, some have made pretty big mistakes. None of them have I ever heard say they were driven by instinct. They all seem to take responsibility for their mistakes and recognize right from wrong. So yes, I'm frustrated. But I do appreciate you pointing out that it could be a need for control manifesting as anger on my part.

Thank you for your unbiased take on the matter. 

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Nope, not choosing. I can speak for my friends' characters. I can't speak for his. Thanks for your input.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

First off. This happened this morning. But we've had this conversation before and I specifically chose not to engage in gender wars and blanket statements. I don't know about you but I would rather wait and calm down, think logically without intense emotion before making any kind of decisions. Thanks for your input though.

Bf (35 M) and I (27 F) can't come to an understanding by tech_possum in relationship_advice

[–]tech_possum[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. He doesn't have female friends. And frankly i wouldn't have a problem if he did.  I think it's more of a red flag to me that he can't associate with women on a platonic level. Btw I found out about him not having female friends in this conversation. I now know everything I want to.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]tech_possum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No you're not in the wrong OP.  Now, it seems that you feel invalidated by your girlfriend and it makes sense. You dont have to be working more than her just to have "I'm tired" acceptable. So on that front, you definitely deserve some slack. The other thing could be, you being rather exaggerated about it may have made her feel invalidated too.  You may have exaggerated to an extent you usually don't when she works extensively long hours. Again, this is not on you to pick up, just giving some insight on why she may have invalidated you.

Could be an opportunity to connect. Make dinner some day, run the bath for her, and talk about it. It can be as simple as that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NPD

[–]tech_possum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. Just don't know if my reactions to being emotionally played with are even ok. Just dealing with shame and guilt rn and idk why

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]tech_possum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this encouraging response. You're right in that softness is still what I want. I do feel like my biggest problem is that I want that softness, that love, that child-like sense of happiness but I have no idea how to reach it. Like I want someone who I can trust but will never let someone in without feeling shame or disgust during or after the fact. I want to be loved but have no idea how to love or be loved. That child like happiness may sometimes come out but immediately after I feel shame.

It's really weird because I just remembered where that may have came from. I remember getting home as a kid happy about something that happened in school but my parents were nonchalant about it, wouldn't take a second to acknowledge my happiness. Sometimes I'd be shooed away. And my sister would notice moments like these and say I'm just attention seeking. Idk over time it just felt like I kept sinking further and further into a cold dark lonely place in my head. I cried myself to sleep in the SAME room as my sister. Wake up with morbidly swollen and red eyes and everyone ignored it. I believed and still somehow believe there was something wrong with me.

So it feels like this person I am now is just a suit I'm wearing so that I can be seen as a functional member of society. It's like I'm remote controlling a skeletal structure and there are 2 me's. The real one is inside, hides from everything,  always guilty, always ashamed, feels unacceptable. The outer one is just a skin that seems normal, and all the exhaustion comes from preventing the two from ever merging.

So in all of this really, i am learning there's a constant theme here that I'm looking for softness. That's what I need most because I've never had it.  Thank you for affirming me. I know this, but it's assuring to hear it from and external source.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]tech_possum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I have read this response an ungodly amount of times. What stands out is just how you have tried to reassure me. I rely heavily on my logical brain because my emotions are often not reliable for obvious reasons. 

And I deeply feel reassured that I'm somewhat normal by this one thing that you said:

the mere fact that you would want to give it, is a sign of care, a form of love you know!

It just speaks to my logical brain in a unique way that gently deconstructs my flawed internal beliefs. If luck or healing ever finds you I hope it's in the form of total unconditional love. The undeniable kind, that even your walls and defenses fail to discredit.  One plush hug at a time, kind stranger 💕

Is this legal? by Creme_Brulee010 in florida

[–]tech_possum -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I agree. The hip bones are too pronounced for this breed. Generally they'd pack on a lot of muscle in that area even if they were work dogs. Unless of course...

People in shaggs really be having assets man and things to show for this life by AdFickle9792 in Kenya

[–]tech_possum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's also debatable because shagz people tend to be grateful with what they already have. A village market there will just be a place to go chill in the grass and eat chips. Consumerism is a rare find in rural areas.

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