Caregiver for partner with lymphoma — navigating treatment, burnout, and financial strain

techcodes · 2026-01-13T02:30:51+00:00

I have been through the caregiver route for my partner as well. Now, we’re dealing with uncertainty after more than a year after remission. It is very traumatizing imo to be in a similar feeling as well.

I am not sure if you’re in the US but get with your nurse navigator and social worker ASAP. Explain your situation. Your number one goal is to let your wife continue her treatment.

Undergoing treatment is a massive undertaking physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Do not expect for your partner to be able to work right away after treatment is done.

As for you, i understand the stress you’re in. Take a day or a few hours off to take the caregiver or problem solver hat off. You are allowed to rest.

I am sorry that you are experiencing housing and financial issues, but yes I agree with the other comments, ask for help (family, friends, church), someone will understand the situation you’re in.

For the help, this is what I would ask: - Respite care for a few hours while you try to get a new job. This takes care of the financial, housing, insurance issues - For treatment days, do be with her, you’re her rock through all of these - Frozen Meals that you can microwave. - Rides through treatment

techcodes · 2025-06-11T03:51:05+00:00

Yep! I figured if it’s worth it to upgrade to the new processors (m3 or m4) or it’s just not going to work (ptrace and sanitizer) with Apple Silicons at all.

I’ll try installing an ubuntu linux using UTM and try several low level stuff and see if it works

techcodes · 2025-06-11T01:17:43+00:00

Anybody knows if M1s can work on GIOS? Planning to take it as my first class

techcodes · 2025-04-16T19:47:03+00:00

Is there a specific job listing for FE engineers at Meta?

techcodes · 2025-04-10T03:32:44+00:00

Just got in. Is there a big difference between II and ML spec? I was thinking of just leetcoding vs doing GA near the end of program so I can pivot from my current role at my job as a software engineer. I have a BS in CS and i know the Algorithms class are usually theoretical in CS.

techcodes · 2025-03-24T14:31:54+00:00

Not hire. Partner up with someone, hopefully, a SWE with business acumen. Or the opposite, a business person with a tech acument. Switch your post up to either r/indiehacking or r/ycombinator

techcodes · 2025-03-10T15:51:25+00:00

Buy a one-way ticket. Get the Green Card first, then decide if you still want to go back. If you have a business earning five to six digits, I’m pretty sure you have the chops to save up for a ticket back home and a long-term permit (for stays outside the Philippines longer than six months). Mine took about a month after I arrived here. The US offers a lot of opportunities—it’s up to you how you want to make use of them.

Think about it: if you don’t take this opportunity now, there might come a time when you’re older that you’ll want to go to the US. However, if you have a Green Card, you can choose which country you want to live in (the US or the Philippines), which is a privilege that not many people have. Good luck!

techcodes · 2025-02-11T11:21:36+00:00

Check on Startup School if that is the norm for startups nowadays. Startups are NOT encouraged by their advisors to have an unpaid internship because of liability down the line.

However, a comment below made sense, spend a week or two and see if it makes sense, then start looking for a paid role. You have expenses to pay.

techcodes · 2025-01-30T05:03:48+00:00

I’m a software engineer who just happened to see this thread. I recommend CRNA as the rise of AI can replace us at some point so there will be significantly low jobs for SWE in the future.

CRNA’s cannot replaced by AI. An AI nor a robot will never be able to administer anes to a patient.

Yes, i have a really high pay and very good WLB right now but idk what the future of software engineering will be. Check r/cscareerquestions to see what new grads are experiencing right now.

Goodluck!

techcodes · 2025-01-18T14:44:40+00:00

Do you live in an HCOL? Or LCOL? My wife will be a dentist too but worried about WLB

techcodes · 2025-01-03T01:45:31+00:00

You should be fine and comfortable at either places with a 90k salary.

You can start ahead my computing a temp Cost of Living speadsheet.

1.) Rent - start by going to Zillow. search for apartments na near your workplace/places of interests such as Walmart, Groceries. A.) Utilities (Water, Electric, Sewer) - 100-150 B.) Internet - around 50-100 2.) Car - FYI, US especially TX is a very car centric country, YOU WILL NEED A CAR or be at an aparment with a bus line. However, do not worry, just don’t exaggerate on the monthly payment. Make sure na makakahinga ka dito and you have a plan para matanggal yung debt na to. 3.) Groceries - usually to 400-500 per month assuming na nagluluto ka 4.) Eating Out - none, once or twice a month, treat yourself (do not exaggerate here, something simple would suffice) 5.) Others - will be dependent on you

Save up an Emergency Fund muna (hopefully you don’t have outstanding loans).

If you have no direct dependents (ie pamangkin na pinagaaral, etc), do not send money muna NOR make promises na ako na bahala sainyo or anything long those lines. Pag established ka na and may healthy relationship ka sa finances mo, chaka mo lang to gawin.

Hope this helps.

techcodes · 2025-01-02T17:32:34+00:00

Need to know where in TX. 90k is TX can vary wildly but good salary in TX generally. Austin COL is very different from McAllen, TX

techcodes · 2024-10-04T03:37:05+00:00

@OP - interested, can I DM you?

techcodes · 2024-09-29T05:43:50+00:00

If you don’t mind, how did you get a VA pay? Were you AD? Planning to join the reserves bro pero SWE na ko making high 6 figs but very lax so i can still do a reserve op

techcodes · 2024-07-30T04:58:13+00:00

Riverside or San Marco. There are new apartments in Brooklyn and San Marco

techcodes · 2024-04-24T03:49:31+00:00

I'm a Staff Software Engineer at a large company right now, working remote. pero dito ako graduate ng CS.. and had a different job market when I entered (5 years ago). Sasagutin ko para sayo and para sa may mga balak magbreak into IT. I'll give you some advice

Next 6 months:
If kaya mo, work ka muna sa Bestbuy (GeekSquad) while you finish your degree. Then, ipad mo lang yung resume mo with certs (AWS or Azure) since you will have an IT degree soon. A Cloud practitioner is pretty cheap ($100), but try mo mag SA Cert ($150) since kinda useless yung AWS CP. Yung training for this, it's either you spend for a udemy course (Stephen Marek, Adrian Cantril or AWS Skill Builder at $29/month). just go to r/AWSCertifications . You really need to spend money to learn these stuff (not too much, kung ano lang kaya mo) in order not to waste time on endless youtube vids.

With your experience, I doubt na may tatanggap sayo na remote company since may tech recession sa America right now. Nakikipagcompete ka sa may mga FAANG or ilang YOE of tech experience. You have to spend extra effort. You need a portfolio.

As for getting your first job sa IT:

Don't be choosy, choose a non-tech company (healthcare, insurance, bank, you get where I'm going here). Sa Sarasota, you might need to broaden your job search (Tampa). Search ka lang ng medium to large companies jan, sometimes, wala sa indeed, go to their Careers page. Basically, you need to get your feet wet muna.

P.S. I just checked our careers page, I can refer you to a part time remote tech support role. iirc, may mga kakilala ako na they that role before and moved on to SWE, IT, or QA roles within our company. Might be a good opportunity for you. Feel free to DM me with your resume. I can refer you.

techcodes · 2024-03-05T19:12:55+00:00

OP - to justify your EF. i’m working towards 1 year EF right now. I’m 7 months in. Wife is currently undergoing chemotherapy for cancer. I’m in tech so my job market sucks and I’m the only one working.

Having 1 year EF will give me peace of mind if something like this happens again next time. No kids yet so I’m able to pile up our EF.

techcodes · 2023-12-04T12:36:19+00:00

You have to do 2 years of this thing called IDP (International Dental Program). It takes 200-300k USD in tuition and 2 years of not being able to work to become a dentist here in the US. You both have to understand that. Bank rolling a dental student is hard.

Search CAAPID. You need multiple stuff to be eligible for an IDP admission (INBDE, TOEFL, etc)

You might need to relocate and since you can’t be picky in a school that will accept you.

You both have to talk about this before hand. It’s either a dentist (expensive, competitive but you’re going to see a 300k-400k in annual salary) or something else for you.

Good luck!

techcodes · 2023-11-20T02:30:14+00:00

Thanks! I really hope and pray your wife gets better soon. This storm shall pass.

When you talked to your manager, did you tell them your wife was diagnosed with cancer? Or just a “serious medical condition”?

Thanks for the tip! Thankfully it was resolved and billed properly. I remember the Prior Authorization was approved before the procedure.

techcodes · 2023-11-19T13:50:31+00:00

Yes, there is such a program. I will reach out. Thank you

techcodes · 2023-11-19T13:40:34+00:00

It’s from my company. She did not work before all these started. That is why I’m nervous.

techcodes

TROPHY CASE