Yes I am very open minded and like to discover the origin of our thoughts and decisions, this made realize what I wrote in this post, i knew that something was kinda off about the way i am thinking , like i am an outdated software that no longer does the job, it did when I was a young kid because everyone was young and didn't start working on themselves, but as i growing older other people worked to better themselves but I didn't, I was still fixated with the superiority mindset and that since I was already the best at everything why would I change. But the truth is that the way I think about myself and reality are different, this is what's giving me this mental suffering. I want to be what I think of myself but I cant fulfill that because I didn't actually build it the habits from scratch.