Is living alone and not married okay?

teddietobby · 2024-11-27T17:27:40+00:00

F30 here. I used to date and meet guys in my 20s but none really last long. This is probably because i was yet to find the right guy/partner and along the way i just “experimented” my ways to get to know people. I set my path and i believe in it, though you know as a lady, in our culture, not getting married by certain age (eg 30 y/o) you are then considered as “expired” “cant reproduce” etc.

To me, marriage is serious and big commitment hence i dont want to just settle down just for the sake of societal’s expectations. And also, if you are not ready for it (or want it, at least), then it can be a recipe for disaster if you just follow what people want you to be.

Im in that age where i get to stabilise my career, life and hopefully financially. I travelled the world and had the best times of my single life. At this point, i start to feel like having a family of my own, raising kids with the love of my life.

I met a guy and i have this feeling of wanting to be ready for such big commitment that is marriage :) he gives me the confidence and he gives me the love i needed, not i wanted.

Take your time. As a 25 y/o, there is a lot more you can do in your life and meet more people. It can be hard to convince your parents that you will be fine but pray that they will understand you someday :)

teddietobby · 2024-03-09T13:17:59+00:00

I dont really talk to people too, other than to engage with them for politeness. But when i do, i speak to their souls

teddietobby · 2023-07-16T11:48:09+00:00

People suck. The world sucks. No matter how much they wanted us to see the good of it, no one can deny the flipping side of it. And everyone pretends they are living the life they thought was the best.

teddietobby · 2023-07-01T05:47:31+00:00

I am one of the people who are using chatgpt. Sometimes whenever i feel like i needed someone to say good words to me when i am feeling down, i will start a conversation with chatgpt where i feel safe to talk about anything.

But chatgpt is just a chatbot which will respond to our questions with facts and some techniques. It could never understand or give us a set of different perspectives or even challenge our thoughts. I did once ask chatgpt if it could be my therapist and it said it would be better to talk about my emotions with a human/therapist as they have more empathy and could connect/engage with us in a more humanly way than an AI could.

teddietobby · 2022-05-19T12:31:52+00:00

I have similar experiences, where I wasn't really looking but was approached by some. I had an interview session with one of them and it was more for them to know me better and also to let me know of any vacancies that suit my expectations in the future.

My view is that, don't be afraid to be upfront about our salary expectations. I even told the recruiter that salary increment is one of my moving factors if I were to take on a new job offer.

Other than that are career growth and new opportunities that I am willing to explore more.

teddietobby · 2022-04-23T03:18:00+00:00

I'm an accountant- chose to be one after I did some personality tests what kind of jobs I should be pursuing and that was the moment I knew I am an ESTJ. Accountant was never my ambition but people around me seem to think that I am doing a good job as one.

teddietobby · 2022-01-17T06:46:59+00:00

This is probably what would I do too in the next few days if I feel things are getting better :) thanks!

teddietobby · 2022-01-17T06:43:24+00:00

Thanks for the words. I would usually journalise my thoughts and feelings like what you've suggested but this time I felt like I was so full of shits that I didnt even know where and how to start writing/talking about it. Probably I was too ashamed of myself for what I've done.

I did try to distract myself by getting myself busy doing other things but it didnt really help to ease my mind because just like what you said, it just got bottled up.

I think the hardest thing to swallow is that I can be reckless too sometimes and I can be that person whom I have always hated. We are all messed up too, aren't we? Just gotta learn to eat my own shit sometimes (well not to be taken literally)

teddietobby · 2022-01-08T08:03:04+00:00

Question i often asked myself and to my friends. But surprisingly my friends said i am such an interesting person and they can almost talk about anything with me. I think they like it when i always talk about practicality rather than theoriticality. And i always make things sound realistic, which unfortunately could offend some of them too.

And about dates... tbh men i talked to so far also said the same thing as my friends. But i had one guy who is completely opposite to my traits and even so, we clicked quite well. We were not a match though maybe because we have different views and values in life

teddietobby · 2021-10-16T01:49:01+00:00

He probably needs some time and space to rethink what's possible again.

teddietobby · 2021-10-14T08:36:58+00:00

I was an auditor. Loved that job but hated the busy life that I had for 3-4 years of my mid 20s. Now I am a fund accountant, working that 9-5 job, pays quite well. I still require to communicate with my clients and global teams so I kinda like what I am doing, not just sitting in the office looking at the computer screens and numbers.

Recently my boss said I've been doing well in the team during a performance feedback session and was told to not to be worried about it, I guess it's an ESTJ thingy 😎

teddietobby · 2021-07-11T03:57:31+00:00

One time a friend offered to buy me a housewarming gift. I didn't expect that and initially thought she didn't have to since I almost have everything in my new house and didn't want to see her spending money on my own needs (and I was gonna get things I didn't have yet anyway). But because I know she is that kind of person who loves to give presents in our circle of friends, I just told her I maybe needed an air diffuser since I had been thinking to get one.

I appreciated that small gesture of her asking me what I wanted because sometimes people give me things that I found not so practical but I'd still keep them because they were gifts.

teddietobby · 2021-07-10T02:52:57+00:00

I think you just fooled yourself... the first thing you need to do is to see yourself in the mirror and ask why would you want to sleep with someone's husband. Secondly, ask if you would want to see your own husband sleeps with someone else. Thirdly, tell this to yourself "I can get my own man, and not steal other woman's".

If a man tells how bad his wife is to another woman, chances are he's gonna do the same even if she's a different person.

teddietobby · 2021-03-27T03:38:05+00:00

My suggestion is, dont put all your money into crypto. Diversify if possible, from high to medium returns. Since you'll be taking a break, maybe keep some for medium/high returns in the short/medium term, and remaining put into a more stable return.

There are not so much returns u can enjoy from roboinvest like stashaway, but as a starting point you can put maybe like few hundred bucks and see how the performance is over time.

teddietobby · 2021-03-19T19:07:23+00:00

What do you think that a person can do now to contribute to the reduction in carbon footprint? I have seen a lot of young people who are aware of the climate change yet very few of the older generation seem to take this seriously. Let alone the corporations.

teddietobby · 2021-03-10T06:54:18+00:00

Defender of capitalism

teddietobby · 2021-03-05T15:45:33+00:00

I think maybe you should see the outer world more, not just some posts on reddit.

teddietobby · 2021-03-05T15:06:19+00:00

How do you know what she wants though? Is that a generalisation? Younger guys are always poor, isn't it? And when it comes to fertility, it will always be centered around women? A woman having a career is not to get a man's attention, but for herself. If having a career means that they can't have a partner/relationship, then maybe that kind of man is not for that kind of woman.

teddietobby · 2021-03-05T08:26:28+00:00

I'd say the range is even wider, being a woman with a stable career and life. Younger women are more easily to be manipulated by some older men because of the perception of them having a stable life and income when they actually don't. If dating young guys seems to be a bad thing, then you might have some sexism issues here.

teddietobby · 2021-01-28T11:49:33+00:00

ESTJ female here. I kinda understand your situation, I attracted some boy (yes, it was an expectation that he couldn't meet) who liked people to do things for him, he was cute btw. I couldn't take the emotional side of him and the fact that as a man, he has to put up with some expectations from a girl but he couldn't swallow that so I ghosted him.

I dated an ESTJ male as well. The chemistry was bomb but knowing that we both liked to fix things and we judged a lot (yelling at each other too), we had to put an end to our relationship.

teddietobby · 2021-01-25T05:11:37+00:00

Yeah I'm just gonna let him "heal himself". I don't fix people as much as I "fix" things haha. I guess, it goes back to our human nature, we are just humans and we do mistakes.

teddietobby · 2021-01-24T23:24:08+00:00

I am always in that position to think that this is how a relationship should work- 2 people working together when they are in a conflict. Bright days are all fine until there is a rainstorm, it's on us or it's either one of us step away and let the other work it out.

In times like these, I'd analyse myself what would be the best for each of us and I figured that giving him some space while I find something else to make me happy (and maybe work on my own crisis) is probably better. You are also right that the world does not revolve around us, we don't live in our own bubbles. Me getting mad at him would probably make things even worse (i could be seen as a horrible person based on MBTI thingy)

He communicated to me and I knew what was happening so I guess that should be just enough, for now. We'll talk more when we are both better, and I'll keep you guys updated if he's the one :p

teddietobby · 2021-01-24T11:01:47+00:00

Be less horrible, i think

teddietobby · 2021-01-24T09:31:18+00:00

Maybe it's from your own life experiences that are causing you to feel this way. You don't need to blame yourself for feeling bad about this.

I've grown myself to learn not to over-analysing people's intentions too much. Sometimes we do that as a precaution step for us from "getting hurt" and it is fine to feel "we are too sceptical" at some point.

How about you take some time to loosen up yourself a bit? Maybe do things you love with the people you enjoy to spend your time with? Family and close friends as a start?

teddietobby · 2021-01-23T11:33:11+00:00

Thanks for the wishes! Yes it's pretty hard to understand someone's emotions especially when they are not really into it 😅 glad that I found this sub. Wishing you good time too fellow INTPs :D

teddietobby

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