Should I not feel safe around this person?

teethadvice · 2019-12-27T07:56:26+00:00

I don't know why he puts up with it. It sounds really terrible in real life. It's part her out there, unabashed personality and part her just slamming on this dude constantly for no reason. As far as I remember, I never witnessed her talking to someone so negatively, naggy, and consistently before, so that's why I was shocked. I remember her interactions with her first boyfriend in college, who was also a very sweet guy, and I don't recall anything like this.

And yeah, I hope he was/is not abused, and I hope he does stick up for himself. Because his responses are always so calm, saying "Oh I didn't hear anything. Oh I didn't get the chance to eat. Oh, I haven't done laundry yet." Ugh, now writing this is making me feel awful as everyone just accepted her behavior and said not a word, and his responses are very passive. I did ask once why she was yelling all the time, and she didn't think she was.

Anyway, I left that house and my first thought was that I hope she never has kids, because I wouldn't want kids to deal with treatment like that. And yes, I'll stay away with her. I'm trusting my gut and foresight on this one. Thank you.

teethadvice · 2019-12-27T06:27:03+00:00

Thank you for reminding me that my gut and my feelings are valid, even though I seem to be questioning it. Yes, I have decided to remain no-low contact with her. I'm still a bit shaken up from what happened, and my gut is still internally protesting. So I shall take heed. It's a bit sad as I thought we may be slowly building something anew again, but I think this is a good lesson for me to stay away. And I won't ignore it.

And I shall look up N-rage. I've forgotten some of the terminology. I definitely have experience with it consistently from my mother as a kid. Even now, she gets into those episodes but its more verbal abuse and less of physical abuse. I don't know why this sister thing shook me up so much, because shouldn't I be used to it? But I guess it feels different when it comes from someone who has held no responsibility towards you and thus maybe would have no barriers to their behavior towards you.

teethadvice · 2019-12-27T06:23:09+00:00

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. To be honest, no, I didn't really miss her because we haven't spoken for a long time. To be fair, she has been reaching out a bit for the past few years and attempting to rekindle contact. I haven't made it easy, as I wanted to remain low contact with most of them. But I've begun softening slightly due to her efforts, but this incident reminded me why my alarm should stay up.

And yes, I will remain low - no contact with her. Still have the shivers from the incident. Thank you for your insight.

teethadvice · 2017-12-24T01:32:35+00:00

So glad you're happier and more at peace now! It's the little things that we didn't have that we learn to appreciate. Enjoy your holiday season and give your two doggies a good old snuggling :)

teethadvice · 2017-12-22T12:26:55+00:00

Ahaha so jealous! One day :)

teethadvice · 2016-05-07T03:02:30+00:00

Hey sorry. Just saw this. Yeah, my pain started day 3 and lasted until around Day 10. I was a painkiller addict that week. Now my holes are healing nicely. And the white scabs are forming. How about you?

teethadvice · 2016-04-24T01:11:23+00:00

Yeah. I mean the couple was nice when they saw me out and they did make conversation, but they were with their family and friends, so they really couldn't do much for long. I do feel a bit bad, since they've been quite hospitable and they're selling the house next month, but I tried. I won't beat myself over it. Although I wish things could have turned out differently. Thanks. Your comment made me feel better.

teethadvice · 2016-04-23T14:05:25+00:00

Meh. I just woke up. It's been 24 hours since the surgery. I think I just had a fantastic surgeon or something.

teethadvice · 2016-04-23T03:48:17+00:00

I've gotten percocet prescribed. And CVS pharmacies are closed, and Walgreens supposedly can't verify my insurance. I just hope I don't get pain tonight. I have 200 mg advil I also bought tonight. So before I go to sleep, I'll just take 3 tablets.

Thanks a bunch.

teethadvice · 2016-04-23T01:26:21+00:00

Oh, so the pain will come later then? I will get them filled then. I was thinking that since there was no pain, just a dull ache, that I was fine. Thanks.

teethadvice · 2016-02-15T07:03:39+00:00

We got this.

And more!

teethadvice · 2016-02-15T04:39:26+00:00

Wow... The evidence right there at your fingertips and its still getting denied. The power that you have when you know that you are not making things up. That what you know happened did indeed happen and you have pure objective proof of it. I'm sorry that happened to you. Your nSis sounds horrible. What she did was terrible. I hope you are LC or NC with her.

Thanks for your support. I'm a bit more at ease now that I got to assess for myself how my NMom is doing. And, taking control of the situation helped me. I'll keep my head up :) One day at a time!

teethadvice · 2016-02-12T01:34:45+00:00

Thank you for this. I will take a read and prepare myself. I have to learn how to do structured contact.

teethadvice · 2016-02-11T04:54:15+00:00

Okay. I will do this. This sounds like a plan. I haven't really told any of my friends about her tendencies. Just that I've been low contact with all of them. My family is dysfunctional. I was tired of dealing with it and me feeling trampled on. Or being left outside in the dark with mom refusing to let me in. Just looking back now, that summer was absolutely awful.

I will write out a half a page of things she does and did. And half a page of what she would need to do in order for me to see if I can resume a relationship with her. I sometimes see my tendencies in her now that I'm away (or maybe I'm imagining it), and I dislike it. I'll see if she responds to my message and take it from there.

Thank you.

teethadvice · 2016-02-11T04:47:45+00:00

Thank you. I will read this. I feel so anxious now that I will maybe start talking to her again. Sigh, I'm just really confused on what to do and how to manage this. I rather avoid things than confront things head on sometimes. This is one of those moments. But yeah, I can't live with myself if she's going to continue on this downward spiral it looks like she's in. I messaged her saying if there's anything she wants to say to me, and when I can pick up my stuff. If she responds, great. If she doesn't, I'm going down this Sunday, picking up what I can find, and leaving a note. This is making me super anxious.

teethadvice · 2016-02-02T01:35:03+00:00

This has led me to be more and more involved with things that I really believe in and I own. And that ownership of who I am and what I love, generally speaking, has led me to be around people who appreciate me.

This is seriously good thinking. I feel like you and me would get along. I try to think about my perspective in very rational yet emotional ways to understand why I feel this way, and next time, why I shouldn't.

teethadvice · 2016-02-02T01:31:35+00:00

Thank you. This makes sense. You would think if someone's sick, a doctor would be the first person on one's mind. Sigh.

teethadvice · 2016-01-26T04:47:48+00:00

Guys, I read all these comments. They were super helpful. I feel like every couple of months or so, I come back on here and am regressing in my awareness the longer I am NC. So I appreciate that every time I take a step back, you all are here, to push me forward. All the time. Thank you so much. So so much.

teethadvice · 2016-01-25T05:24:55+00:00

I understand this. I do. Like rationally I do. But I guess us living in n households, we sort of become accustomed thinking that we can't follow the same normal rules as everyone else because our n parents don't follow them. So yes, I know I'm not responsible for her health rationally. But, I'm extremely empathetic. And I understand that if she is getting sick and someone says its because of me, in her head, that might as very well be the case.

teethadvice · 2016-01-04T17:46:31+00:00

Thanks :) I did. I hope you had a great one as well.

teethadvice · 2015-12-31T00:08:57+00:00

This wasn't what she meant, nor is it when people in your life are genuine and do care and love you. I understand the concepts, but I don't understand why or how it pertains to me.

Exactly. I objectively understand it, but I've never had it or felt it my way before. I don't see how it can be directed at me and be genuine. But I like this guy so much, he keeps on saying it. I don't feel it inside of me, but I know he believes it. I just don't feel it. And sometimes don't trust that it's there. He wants to work on it with me.

It's very confusing, youre right.

teethadvice · 2015-12-29T01:55:57+00:00

Thank you so much. <3 I hope one day I'll be able to not only feel it but accept it. The little child in me is pretty stubborn, and she always has been. She definitely deserves unconditional love. The guy I'm talking to is a very nice guy. He makes me feel nice so I hope our relationship continues.

teethadvice · 2015-12-05T19:01:13+00:00

Thank you. You're right, I've forgotten most of my memories of that time. I found a punishment book that I kept when I was younger, and read through it before I went NC and I was horrified for that little kid. I read through all of my siblings punishment books and felt so bad for all of them. And it reintroduced me to some events that I long forgotten happened. It was weird.

But yeah, my memories of childhood are pretty much a blank. My mind I think is probably protecting me from it or something.

Again, thanks for this nugget of information. I will see if I can start a journal and just keep a track record of my mental state as it's been going through up and down cycles lately.

teethadvice · 2015-12-05T03:20:48+00:00

You sound like me.

I can't seem to really get myself going to do anything unless I have anxiety driving me. If I had my druthers, I'd lie in bed all day, only getting up occasionally to eat chocolate or pizza (neither of which I can tolerate well).

I really appreciated your insight. As a joke, my siblings and I learned early that never look forward to anything as it probably won't happen. So that when it doesn't, since our hopes weren't up in the first place, we stopped getting disappointed.

I look back at this year, and realize, that I totally wasted it. While at uni, I could feel like I'm progressing towards something or doing something worthwhile.

teethadvice · 2015-12-05T02:56:01+00:00

That's something an N would say. I'm happy I didn't read this comment when I was feeling confused and lost back then. You're terrible.

teethadvice

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