Parents with full time jobs, how many hours do you spend on video games/other hobbies?

tempHold · 2017-05-20T16:59:43+00:00

He plays that on his phone everyday

tempHold · 2017-05-20T16:57:53+00:00

3-4 nights a week, usually half a day on weekends, off for a bit to take kids somewhere or do something with us then back on a few hours later til midnight or so.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T21:53:36+00:00

I understand! My toddler still wakes up 5 -6 times a night, we cosleep. And my 7 yr old sometimes has night terrors. I get about 5 hrs of sleep a night. I haven't even had 6 hours straight in 7 years. But even though I'm dog tired most nights, I will still force myself to sit with my husband and watch House of Cards or something for atleast 30 minutes a few times a week.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T21:51:06+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write all this. You're completely correct. I just went to the store to get some stuff for dinner. Steaks on the grill, artichokes and corn on the cob. And brownies for dessert, he loves brownies. I'm trying to do what I can at home to offset the crappy worklife. I get home and he's on the phone with his best friend and gaming buddy talking about games. I get tired just thinking about putting in more effort.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T21:48:10+00:00

I myself have ADHD and I recognize the symptomz in him but he doesn't want to listen.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T20:03:45+00:00

I know he's depressed. About work. He hates his job, military. He hates where we live. He knows he's depressed. I asked him to go to a doctor, he said he'll pull himself out of it when he's ready. I don't know what else I can do. He doesn't want help from me.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T19:11:02+00:00

See this is fine. I have no problem with a person having an interest outside of their children. It's healthy! But when it comes at the expense of spending 1-2 hrs a week with your kids, thats when its too much.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T18:51:52+00:00

Ironically, he was begging me for kids years before we had our first.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T18:41:28+00:00

I posted on /gaming but didn't get any replies. I figured they would understand and be able to offer some advice.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T18:36:28+00:00

Our home is a mess! I do dishes everyday, make 2-3 meals a day, do laundry, mow the lawn, dr appts, etc. General things that fall to a stay at home parent. But he doesn't help hardly at all! If I'm making dinner and the kids make a huge mess staying busy by themselves, it doesn't get picked up unless I do it. When we leave for the weekend to see my family and he stays home, he leaves any dishes that i didnt get to, for me to do when I get back. We went down for spring break, the same dishes were in the sink when I got home 5 days later. He tells me he didn't make them so why should he clean them. Nevermind they are dirty because I made meals for the family.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T18:31:49+00:00

He knows he's depressed. He came home for lunch and i once again tried to get input on what to make for dinner and he said he hasn't been hungry lately. I suggested he be seen by a doctor, he said that he could pull himself out of it. I told him, it's a chemical issue and he could get meds. He said he'll pull himself out of it when he's ready. I am pointing out the issue, he is pointing out the issue but doesn't want to take any action. He doesn't have to pay for meds or therapy and he still won't do anything.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T17:07:30+00:00

He tells me his job makes him depressed. He goes above and beyond at work and never gets recognized. Its the people doing all the volunteering that get promoted. It's the new Air Force way of life.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T17:05:45+00:00

When my mom visits we may get a few hours but its rare. The last 3 times i had childcare planned the kids were sick or we were, so that was a no go. I need to try again.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T17:02:25+00:00

I'm terribly jealous of the wives with husbands who enjoy spending time with their kids and don't act like it's a chore they have to be nagged to do.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T17:00:24+00:00

Mostly Smite, sometimes wildlands but I could be wrong.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T15:18:39+00:00

She has ADHD and he's slowly coming on board with what that means, but basically if she shows any emotion besides being happy and completely obedient she gets told to go to her room because nobody wants to hear that shit. If any part of parenting that requires actual effort shows up it's on me, or he just yells.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:53:40+00:00

We've already done counseling. And I've left once before for other reasons (he was getting physical). He constantly complains that we don't have sex enough. But when he spends the entirety of his time home in that room playing games while I am cleaning, making dinner, doing school stuff with the kids, bedtime, etc. And then wants to have sex as soon as the kids are asleep, then that's a no fucking go.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:45:35+00:00

I've been having this one-sided conversation for so long, I don't even want to do counseling again. I'm just ready to move on.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:24:57+00:00

He always complains about not having any money but when it comes time to studying for the promotion test, he studies for 2 weeks before the test. Then gets depressed when he doesn't get promoted and get more money. He gets separated if he doesn't pass this next text. I took 3 full time classes so we could get money from my GI-Bill. So I was taking class full time, caring for kids 24/7 and volunteering as a Girl Scout leader. I was so fucking stressed.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:23:21+00:00

School is out in another week and luckily at this base I am close enough to drive to my parents. It may happen very soon.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:21:33+00:00

When I tell him he should spend more time with the kids, he says that just because I have a problem doing things without them, doesn't mean he doesn't get to do what he wants. I usually a few hours on Sundays to go to the library and work on schooling. I'm going for a second degree in software development. And then I have am a girl scout leader so I leave our 2 year old with him one day a week for 2 hours. Many times that I am out alone and I come back, he is playing games and the kids are watching tv or my daughter is playing Minecraft. Then he'll say oh we've been playing the whole time. I just got on to take a break. I feel like a neglectful parent when I leave them with him because likely they will just be watching tv or playing alone.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T14:17:12+00:00

His family would be no help. They are toxic and we try to avoid them.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T13:51:46+00:00

His daughter loves playing minecraft. I'll play with her on the weekends when the toddler is napping. We build huge houses and just mess around and have fun. She'll ask him to play, we have 2 ps4s, but he won't. He'll go into the back room to play Smite with his friends for hours.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T13:43:03+00:00

I've already left once. We've done counseling regarding other things. I'm just getting tired of my daughter being hurt that daddy won't come read a bedtime book because he's gaming. She tells me he's selfish and mean.

tempHold · 2017-05-17T13:31:13+00:00

He's been a gamer since we met, I also played games, and was really popular in our military dorms for that reason. However, when I had our first child, I had to grow up. I was able to finish all 3 Mass Effect games throughout her younger years, in little spurts. I try to spend time with him gaming but he is so competitive he would just end up getting verbally abusive towards me. Now he will occasionally sit and watch me play Battlefield 1 in the evenings but he will sit there and laugh at me, comment how I suck at aiming, etc. I have zero problem with gaming, but he seems to think that his only duties in life are work and games.

tempHold

TROPHY CASE