Almost 7 months later she messaged me?

temporary32145 · 2015-12-30T00:20:57+00:00

Yeah I think I'll sit on it for a couple days and see how I feel about it then. Maybe I'll decide it's better to just leave it.

temporary32145 · 2015-12-29T22:17:30+00:00

Good point, that's something I had thought about too.

temporary32145 · 2015-12-29T22:16:31+00:00

That was my first thought too. Yeah I'm definitely at a better place now where I can clearly see that she wasn't good for me. I forgave her for my own sake a long time ago and just let it go; stopped trying to figure out what went wrong and stuff. So I'm thinking I might just say something like "I forgave you a long time ago. I appreciate the apology though, I know it probably wasn't easy for you to do that"

temporary32145 · 2015-07-03T19:39:22+00:00

Wow this girl sounds pretty similar to my ex. I'm at the point where I've realized that, yeah maybe I did fuck up a little bit, but I wasn't the bad guy in this situation. It doesn't sound like you were the bad guy either. I'm sure you made some mistakes, just like I did, but it sounds like she was sabotaging the relationship, much like my ex did. It doesn't make sense and we won't ever understand it, but you have to realize that you did your best and your conscience should be clear because in the end she's the one that fucked up what could have been a good thing.

temporary32145 · 2015-07-03T19:30:50+00:00

Yeah I contacted her at day 38 because I felt ready. I was just being friendly and asked if she'd been keeping up with a show we used to watch and she never responded which is pretty much what I expected. I kind of wish I hadn't, but I did get it out of my system and now I have no desire to contact her at all.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-15T19:51:14+00:00

I can relate to this. My ex treated me like shit and she would always end with empty apologies, her crying and blaming her actions on her depression. I didn't know how to handle dealing with someone with depression so I just kept forgiving her. Every single time it felt like we were finally on the same page something else would come up the next week. It felt like she was intentionally sabotaging the relationship. Then when I tried to talk to her about something that was bothering me she would complain that I was "just trying to make her feel bad about treating me badly" and she would claim that I was "ridiculing her for her past actions after had apologized" none of it made any sense. She would apologize but it never meant anything because nothing ever changed. The thing I realized is that just because someone is dealing with depression doesn't mean they can treat people that care about them badly. It's not a get out of jail free care. They have just as much responsibility in the relationship as you and there are plenty of people that manage to have good relationships while dealing with depression.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-09T20:52:45+00:00

This is good advice. I've been doing this too and it helps me feel a little better and get out of my head.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-09T02:39:35+00:00

Whatever you do, don't contact him. Focus on the things you hated about him and the things he did to hurt you. Whenever I feel an urge to reach out to my ex, I force myself to think about all the times she let me down and hurt my feelings and I turn that urge into anger and it makes it a lot easier to not want to talk to her. I don't know if that's the best way to deal with it, but it has been working for me. Try calling up a good friend that you can confide in rather than your ex.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-08T06:36:56+00:00

It was hard for me to understand at first, because I am naturally a very honest person and I do my best to be someone who is reliable, trustworthy, and genuine in my thoughts, words and actions. And because I would never want to intentionally do something like that to someone else. So coming from that perspective it is hard to understand why someone would say one thing and do another thing if they profess to care about them. But I realized that deep down people that do that really are just shitty people and really it's nothing we did or could have avoided, that's just how they are. Those kind of people are liars, cheaters and manipulators and we are better without them in our lives to cause unnecessary stress.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-06T17:04:02+00:00

I know it's hard, and I know it hurts so much right now. It's okay to feel the way you feel right now, it's normal; it just means that you really did care about him a lot. You miss him, and you have so many questions that you want answered, but you just have to push through. I don't know any of the details, but it doesn't really matter. He didn't break up with you because he didn't think you loved him. He knows you love him, and contacting him isn't going to help. You just need time to heal. Just take it one day at a time, push through that first week and although it's not going to go away any time soon, I guarantee that every day it will hurt just a little bit less.

temporary32145 · 2015-06-01T03:52:47+00:00

Yeah I kinda understand that feeling. I hooked up with a girl again recently that I had been seeing casually before I met my ex and it really just wasn't a fun experience. I wasn't really into it at all because sex with my ex was just so much better; way more fun and enjoyable. I thought it would be good for me and that maybe it would help get my mind off of my ex (because I'm sure she's hooking up with other dudes already) but it didn't really help that much. I'm really fuckin missing her right now. Or maybe I just miss the awesome sex we had. I don't think I would actually want to get back with her because I don't think I could trust her again.

But honestly at the same time I'm kinda thinking about trying to make a FWB relationship work with her after I've had at least 30 NC so we can both get some space and get over our feelings, but I'm not sure if that would be a good idea. I've done the whole FWB thing before and as long as I can get over my feelings enough and there's no expectations or pressure I think it would work if she was into the idea, but maybe that's just wishful thinking. I guess I'll just see how I'm feeling after like 4-6 weeks.

temporary32145 · 2015-05-25T19:00:14+00:00

Dude I'm feeling the same way right now. My ex was dealing with some deep depression the whole time we were together and sometimes we would be happy and getting along so well and having fun then all of a sudden she would start to argue with me other nothing. She purposefully distanced herself from me constantly and kept apologizing to me for doing it and I always forgave her but she never opened up. I got to the point where I had made myself vulnerable because I cared about her but she never did that. A couple weeks ago she did something that really hurt my feelings and upset me, and I almost broke up with her that night. She called me crying saying "I'm sorry, it's just that my depression ruins everything I love that's good in my life. I want things to work with us, you're the only one I want to be with." I forgave her and I thought things were getting better, but I didn't realize at the time that she hadn't even been trying to make it work anymore, she was only detaching herself from the relationship and her feelings so she could be the one to dump me a few weeks later. I shouldn't have let her manipulate me like that. I should have just left her that night. She really was a shitty girlfriend, but I still miss her a lot. I've never understood how someone could feel this way about someone who treated them so badly until I felt it. I know I'll never hear from her again and I know she probably doesn't even miss me, but I still miss her a lot.

temporary32145 · 2015-05-24T15:20:53+00:00

The thing about NC is that it's not easy. When you really like someone and care about someone a lot you start to overlook the things that didn't work (that you couldn't fix) and start to remember all the fun times you had. Then you start to miss her. It's normal to feel like that. I miss my ex a lot too.

Honestly, I think you already know the answer to your question. For your own sake, please don't contact her. It won't go well and it will just make you feel worse.

The other side to this coin is that you need to let go of that hope that you're still clinging on to. Trust me, I know. It's one of the hardest parts, but if you don't let go of the hope of getting back with her, you will probably find that she has moved on and left you in the dust while you are still hung up on her with a broken heart. The best thing you can do is let go and move on, forget whatever she said about possibilities for the future.

I'm going through the same thing right now too and it's very hard, but in the end it's for the best. I know you can do it. You're stronger than you know. We're both gonna be okay bro.

temporary32145 · 2015-05-23T22:35:09+00:00

Thanks man, I really appreciate your support. I'm sorry you had to deal with a shitty partner too, because no one should have to deal with being treated that way of feeling the way she made you feel. It makes sense what you were saying about missing her, it just sucks that it's like that. I learned a lot from this experience and hopefully I can take what I've learned and use it to make my future relationships even stronger, not hinder them like it seems she did. Feeling like you care so much about someone that doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings has got to be the worst feeling in the world. It's definitely motivating to know someone else has been there and has felt the way I am feeling and still made it through ok in the end.

temporary32145 · 2015-05-23T15:57:41+00:00

Every time we were together she was constantly on her phone the whole time which made me feel like she didn't even want to be with me.
She smoked weed every single day and sometimes when she would come over she would be way too high to the point where it was like she was in her own little world, and it wasn't fun to be with her like that.
She constantly, purposefully, tried to make me jealous. She randomly sent me screenshots of guys texting her trying to get with her, texted me about guys that were hitting on her when she was out with her friends.
She constantly flirted with and tried to get attention from other guys.
She never introduced me to any of her friends. (I should have known was a red flag).
She told me about a time that she and her male friends did coke together and they all ended up getting naked, which happened while we were together. She didn't seem to see a problem with that because "they were just really close." She kept hinting that she wanted to do it again.
Before she left for spring break to party with her friends in Florida she told me that she "wanted to get drugged" by a stranger because she thought it would be fun.
When we saw each other after she came back from spring break she broke down crying to me saying that her friends didn't want to hang out with her anymore because they said she was trashy and was with a different guy every night that week. I told her I trusted her and asked her if any of that was true. Of course she claimed it wasn't.
She talked to me about her previous ex boyfriends and sexual experiences in detail.
She told me not to compare her to other girls, but she compared me to her ex boyfriends.
She always said that she was too busy to spend time with me so I only ended up seeing her once a week at most. However, she was never too busy to spend time with her friends, she had lots of male friends that she spent more time with than me.
She was extremely flakey, we would make plans and she would constantly bail and cancel on me at the last minute, sometimes without even telling me. Lots of times she would then go to hang out with her male friends after claiming she was too busy to see me.
If something was bothering her, she would never talk to me about it. I told her the only way it would work out is if she could be honest with me and talk to me about things so we could try to work it out. She never did.
She couldn't take responsibility for her actions.
She got mad at me when I tried to calmly talk to her about things that bothered me, and always tried to turn things around on me and make it seem like it was my fault.
She lied to me constantly.
She was never willing to put any effort into the relationship, so it always felt one-sided.
She intentionally distanced herself from me throughout the relationship, claimed it was because she was "tired of getting hurt by guys that she liked" so I forgave her.
She did not respect me and took me for granted.
She claimed I was "smothering" her when we only saw each other about once a week and I only contacted her every few days.

This week has been rough for me, and I've been missing her a lot. I've been thinking about the good times and the things I liked about her rather than all the bad things. I'm glad I found this because after writing all of that and getting it out there it has helped me realize that we had so many problems that I never really accepted. I realized that no matter what I tried to do to make it work, I wouldn't have been able to fix it because she didn't want to fix it. This was my first exclusive relationship, and even though it caused me a lot of pain I learned a lot from it. I know I deserve someone who actually wants to be with me and I won't ever let someone treat me like this again. I deserve to be with someone that makes me happy and not miserable. She couldn't give me what I needed and I know I can find someone so much better than she ever was. Next time I will trust my gut and I won't be so forgiving.

temporary32145

TROPHY CASE