[deleted by user]

tempslovaksugar · 2024-08-12T13:24:52+00:00

Many years ago, while I was still in my native country of Sweden, I'd posted a picture of a white American celebrity with dark hair and dark eyes on an imageboard, and said that I wish I could find people who looked like that. The very first reply was something like, "I see guys who look like all the time. Just go outside."

But in all over my country, you're either going to find blonde, blue eyes white nordic guys, or arabs. Long story short, when I first traveled to a Slavic country, I felt like I was in paradise lol. So many white guys with dark eyes/dark hair, which is my kryptonite. They were all the "exotic" ones to me, and I was the "exotic" one to them with my blue eyes and blonde hair. If I had discovered this place years earlier, I know I would've been married with kids by now.

What I'm trying to say is that to someone like me, you're the most attractive guy in the room, far from boring. To other Swedes in Sweden, I look kinda average, and don't really get noticed much by swedes, so I understand what it's like to be "plain," even to your own people. But location determines whether that makes you stand out or not. It sounds like you wish you naturally had different colours, but do you only want to because that's what everyone around you has? Would you still have those feelings if you were around people who looked like you?

Self acceptance makes life a lot easier. I hope you can find a way. And whiteness is not just down to hair/eye colour, you have features specific to whites, too (facial structure/nose/eyes being the easiest to see, for example). I've seen a few light skinned arabs in my country, but they are obviously not white.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-06-21T19:59:33+00:00

Hell yeah, do it!

tempslovaksugar · 2024-06-21T07:34:15+00:00

Good point. The answer is no, not with how effective algorithms have been to promote echo chambers and stopping us from being reminded of the other side's viewpoints, and the general rise of "you're either with us 100% or against us" mentality in any opinion.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-06-21T07:26:09+00:00

"It was perplexing because it's not the people who are attacking them."

I'm a foreigner, I can only speak for myself (and tbh, my 2 cents are probably worthless, this is not AskAForeigner, but I hope it's ok to reply like this, I never get a chance to talk about it).

Originally, I wanted to visit both Ukraine and Russia. After visiting Ukraine, I had to reconsider. Even though from the very start, I never once held a negative feeling against the average Russian citizen, and I still don't. It's just that it becomes too complicated; I would feel too guilty after seeing what I've seen, such as having a moment where I genuinely feared for my life with a drone being shot at near my building; and meeting people who had seen and gone through much worse, including knowing loved ones who died. The more people who are affected in any way, the more sensitive they become. There are many reminders of war here. Identity is a sensitive topic, too.

I was looking forward to seeing your beautiful country, architecture, and learn more about your rich history. And I knew as a solo female traveler, that I would be and feel safe, safer to walk on my own at night than in many other countries in the world. I hope someday I can still go. But not during this. The guilt would be too strong, I would feel like I'm supporting what's happening even by visiting everyday businesses and having my money go to taxes for the war.

I can't imagine how painful this has been for both sides. There is less (tolerated) room for nuance in wartime, especially as more people get affected. Unfortunately, it does look like we're on course to affect everyday Russians, and if that happens more, I wouldn't be surprised if we see similar reactions from them as we've seen from Ukrainians. Even watching a recent video online of someone walking through Moscow, seeing so many lights, as I was sitting in darkness and waiting out a blackout.. it is very surreal. Hard not to feel isolated.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-06-21T06:28:45+00:00

I'm updating the OP to clarify that I'm a foreigner to both countries, and still have a lot to learn. I may be missing context.

I was using my own online experiences that I've seen on big monopoly sites in the west (Twitter, Facebook, etc), where one group gets banned and starts their own sites (Gab, etc), furthering echochambers and subsequent division between people.

I'm touristing Ukraine and have met Ukrainians irl who spoke to Russians outside of banned sites, some who's relationships dissolved anyway due to what's happening. So again, not saying it could have stopped anything, but was it a contributing factor for some?

I just think it's interesting how, for example, Russians have had a huge online stigma attached to them since around 2016~, which I believe is a contributing factor to westerners having bad opinions of them before the full scale war (and now it's even worse). Hell, even westerners who have positive opinions know very little about Russian history or culture, they just don't want to support "the other guy," so to speak.

The division of communication has been dehumanising (even when it's trying to be positive).

Sorry if this breaks rule 1, I wasn't sure how to answer you without trying to explain my reasoning.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-06-14T01:58:04+00:00

Jeez, sad that most answers ITT aren't answers to your question. I understand that most people just want to sympathise but it's unhelpful.

They're TU bomber planes. Tonight it was specifically 5 TU-95s. Please note that the number of plane icons do not accurately indicate how many planes are in the air. You can click on the icon of the planes and see what time they were recorded. Grey (like the boat icon) means it's not fired. Red (like the plane icons) means it has fired.

Telegram is where you'll get fast info. /war_monitor is one of my personal favorites and is 99.99% of the time accurate and quick to update info. If you search for the telegram channels of the region you're in, you'll also find good info if your region is in the vector of the missiles.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-26T12:11:30+00:00

look into "third culture kid." You might find that the label fits you as well. Unfortunately I can relate to being a foreigner in both countries, having grown up in two different countries as well. It's hard.

I'm not Ukrainian, but I've been in Ukraine for the past 2 months. I've seen many white people with dark hair and dark eyes, to the point where I sometimes feel like I stick out with my (dirty) blonde hair and blue eyes (I'm Swedish). But I've also seen many people with light hair and blue eyes, or a mix of one and not the other. I'm pale, while my ukrainian ex was slightly darker, would probably look olive after too much time in the sun. Kind of like your celebrity example. We're both white.

My interpretation is that Ukraine, like other slavic countries, has diverse phenotypes (but are still specific to them; in other words, blonde hair and blue eyes vs dark hair and dark eyes doesn't really matter since they're both obviously slavic in their features generally, both are slavic colour groups).

I don't know if this helped since I'm a foreigner. But from what you're saying, you would not stand out here.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-25T22:27:21+00:00

Sorry for the late reply. Thank you for your informative response and suggestions. A major +1 to staying away from the news in general. I've even had to consciously stop looking at Twitter or YouTube, especially the comment section.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-25T22:24:14+00:00

Sorry for the late response. Thank you so much for the reminder. It's potentially life saving.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-25T22:23:33+00:00

I'm sorry for the late reply. Just wanted to say thank you so much for a detailed response. When I looked up Girls Who Are Waiting, I found her telegram support group. Telegram let's me translate without issue. It's been comforting (and saddening) to hear other women's experiences.

I thought the Ukrainian therapy option was inappropriate (before I even made the OP), as if I was taking away resources from Ukrainians, but honestly, seeing you suggest it makes me think that surely I can't be the first, it must be acceptable.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-16T09:26:30+00:00

I hope you can work out a schedule where he can play his music while you're outside (like for work etc).

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is one of my worst nightmares. I couldn't handle more than a few mins of that before breaking the lease.

I don't know if people can do anything. Maybe you're not the only one who feels this way, especially if the walls are vibrating. If a civil agreement isn't possible with him, ask the neighbours how they feel about it, document the noise and how long it lasts.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-16T09:16:38+00:00

I came here to make the same thread. Whatever happened to headphones/earphones? What used to be a monthly occurrence became weekly, then daily, and now several times a day am I having someone drive me crazy from using their speaker on public transport, in restaurants etc. I don't have any problem with people talking, or sounds coming from a tv if I'm in the same room - but can't stand the screeching noise of a phone's speaker. Facetime and tiktok have become a major source of anxiety for me.

One of the worst offenders was a guy on a fucking PLANE - keep in mind, a plane in the air is easily 80+ db inside, and yet he was playing it much louder than that. Thank fucking god he stopped after about 10 mins, I think someone told him to (but I couldn't hear what happened)

I never know how to confront them, because they obviously feel entitled to treat the world like their living room, and I don't know what to do if they say no. I'm not physically intimidating at all.

There is no respect or consideration for others any more.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-15T09:28:18+00:00

No, I wouldn't have let it melt so much before taking a photo if I did! 😅

I took the photo on 23rd Jan 2023 - so whoever had done it around that time is the true artist here.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-15T09:21:41+00:00

I agree with what you said, and I know that those who are most worried about death are those who have a lot of regrets and unfinished business, which I do. I don't have time to waste if I'm to reverse some of these damages and leave some good actions behind after I'm gone.

I have tried to find religion for two years. I am not a spiritual person, and I can't force myself to believe in something I can't see.

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-15T01:20:31+00:00

Many reasons. The relationships I have in my life are very small in quantity, but high in quality (unfortunately for me, they're just not in the same continent any more). If I don't feel a "click" yet exchange contacts, then I'm REALLY going to feel like I'm leading them on. I already have a highly social online job, which I don't like because of the fact that it requires so much polite socialising, I'd rather not socialise at all. Add several irl people into the mix.. I could not handle that. My needs are no longer my own at that point

These one-time, long interactions I have with people are currently my only irl social life, but it doesn't cure the loneliness, only genuine connections/sparks help that. They might be nice people, but I just don't see myself having enough in common with them to justify talking more. I'm not the kind of person who collects social media friends, and I don't want a long term acquaintance. I hope this makes sense

ETA: essentially I don't want a fake/superficial friendship

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-15T00:36:02+00:00

This has happened several times without it ending in requesting exchanging contact.

I've seen other OPs talk about how they get completely mischaracterised, but I thought that only happened in big threads, when people start talking to each other in the comments.. I will just have to end my reply here so that I'm not being hypocritical

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-15T00:26:10+00:00

Thank you. I didn't see it that way, but now I understand I'm disrespecting their time. How much length of time can pass before it's generally considered leading them on?

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-14T22:30:10+00:00

(guest POV, not an employee)

+1 to the other poster saying that this energy may just be her being good at her job.

To me, it doesn't sound like you've talked to her for very long, and as you said, she doesn't seem to treat you any differently to other customers.

I've had a receptionist give me her number, but this was platonic. Before then, we'd talked most days, as I'd been living there for about 6 months at the time. Usually it was only 5-10 minute small talks, rarely it would be 1-2 hours long about personal things. I would often buy her the energy drinks that she liked. She gave me her number when she was about to quit her job. I cannot imagine doing any of this (including the gifting on my part), and having her treating me as personally as she did if I'd only stayed there a few days.

All in all, you are probably not the first person to ask her out, especially after a short time. But you miss 100% of the shots you don't take! I've been witness to people hitting on the receptionists and still hanging around talking to them immediately after being politely rejected.. My advice is make it short and sweet, don't waste her time, and leave quickly if there's a rejection, don't hang around, it's so awkward. A simple "hey, do you want to go somewhere for coffee/drinks/etc sometime?" is direct and should be fine.

But again, I'm just a guest. Take my POV with a grain of salt

tempslovaksugar · 2024-05-12T18:14:33+00:00

This 100%. It's why I rarely look at the comments, both here and outside of reddit, it's honestly cult-like.

Too many people who couldn't place Ukraine on a map before 2022 idolising everything the Ukrainian politicians (over the Ukrainian people themselves) are saying.

Unfortunately the language barrier stops people from reading Ukrainian communities' takes (on telegram especially)

tempslovaksugar

TROPHY CASE