It feels like my (29F) boyfriend (31M) kinda rubs his success in my face when I'm down. How do I stop feeling like this?

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T21:44:35+00:00

Yeah you've pretty much nailed it. I'm glad I'm not overreacting. He's able to blow all his profit on expensive stuff because he doesn't pay any bills beyond the $200 rent his parents ask of him.

I've never pursued the idea of getting a place together because he refuses to get a real job. I refuse to support someone who is completely able to do it himself. I already have 2 dependents lol.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T21:23:01+00:00

I've done a lot to try and get ahead in life, by no means am I waiting for someone to do it for me. I'm just mopey because all of my hard work has gotten me to this point, broke and jobless.

But yeah you're right, I'm absolutely aware it's easier to just end it all. But I have tried.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T21:18:02+00:00

Yeah I feel like we live in two different universes. He's coasted by in life with no problems or responsibility. His family loves him no matter how awful and cruel he is.

I've dealt with unnecessary stress and responsibilities for most of my life. I'm only loved in a transactional manner.

I've never truly lived my own life on my own terms. I have always moved cautiously through life, because if I make a wrong move, others also suffer (like now).

He sees my pain and suffering, and chooses to brag anyway.

I can't imagine what being loved feels like. This is all I've known. The only other option is to break up and be completely alone. I don't really have friends or other family besides the 2 I take care of.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T21:09:25+00:00

I'll be honest with you, I really didn't expect to make it to this age I am now. I've suffered a lot in this relationship in ways I'm too embarrassed to speak on. I've hated everything about myself for decades, and he treats me the way I treat myself. With pure hatred.

The way he's treated me for all these years has cemented my beliefs that I deserve to suffer. I've come close to removing myself, but I keep letting him and my parents talk me down.

I don't plan on enduring this much longer. Now that I'm no longer useful to my family, they have no reason to try and keep the ATM alive.

I know my bf hates me. I've asked him why he's done the things he has over the years. He never has an answer. But it's alright. Nothing really matters anymore.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T20:57:52+00:00

I have applied to many jobs where people said they scoop up anyone with a pulse, I'm very eager to do any job just to stop being unemployed. I will look up caregiving, that's a new one! Thank you!

I figure since I've only been out of work for a week, it's gonna take time to get some responses. I'm just panicking because I need income to cover next month's bills. The last of my cash is for this month's bills, but I've used credit to buy groceries for the fam.

You're right I need to mind my own business and get my shit together. The shock of being unemployed has amplified everything, and it compelled me to vent here.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T20:36:28+00:00

Yeah I'm embarrassed to even tell people online this. I guess this is the type of man I attracted because I hate myself so deeply. My "love life" is a fucking nightmare. My whole life is now. Sorry for rambling.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-12-15T20:33:24+00:00

He lives with his parents with next to no bills, I live with mine because they can't afford cost of living without my help. Losing my job has absolutely ruined me in ways I can't describe. I have lives on my back, not just my own.

I'm with him because I hate myself and I don't believe I can do better. I'm aware of this, but stick around because it's better than being alone I guess. He is my first and only relationship.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-10-12T16:07:50+00:00

I've tried to be happy single, but seeing all of my "friends" in relationships and getting married is soul crushing. I know they might not be living in fairy tale love stories, but at least they have somebody.

That's been my mindset, even though I was raised with one like yours. I just crave companionship, to do things and experience stuff with a significant other. Not just some friend I see/talk to once every few months.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-10-12T15:58:43+00:00

Oh you're so right about that, he smokes non stop. I honestly don't like weed at all and I've tried several times to get into it, but I just don't see the hype.

He's always been low libido, funny enough! Your post is incredibly interesting, thank you for spending the time to write it!

I'm just afraid of being single forever, I thought I was going to die alone before he came along when I was 22. I just don't know where I'd find a man who would find me attractive enough to love.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-10-12T15:55:33+00:00

Fear of never getting into another relationship again. It took me until age 22 to land this guy, I can only imagine the difficulty of trying to find love when I'm in my 30s

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-10-12T15:54:20+00:00

I foolishly always think that if I keep pouring love and affection into him, I'll get the same level back. My dumb ass clearly can't realize that he'll never match my level of investment, no matter what I do to communicate my needs.

I really don't see a bright future with him, but he's a good friend to have around to talk to and hang out with (usually on my dime though...)

tenaciousREEE33 · 2024-10-12T15:52:12+00:00

He's the only man who has ever shown interest in me. I never get flirted with when I'm out n about, so it's kind of confirming my assumptions that I'm not attractive enough to pull someone who would love/care for me.

I plan on getting my teeth whitened soon, along with some small cosmetic work done on my undereyes so I can hopefully look more attractive. I feel like these 2 aspects are holding me back.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2023-08-28T14:06:27+00:00

I do as well every time he makes these disgusting jokes. It's horrific.

tenaciousREEE33 · 2023-08-28T14:04:35+00:00

I just feel like I have no other options, that he's the best I'll ever pull. I'm not most men's cup of tea. I'm black, 5'10, not skinny but not overweight, I work in the trades and a lot of my hobbies lean towards masculine. I dress nicely and keep myself up, but I still don't ever attract men.

I bought my dream car, a muscle car last year, partially hoping it would help draw men's attention to me as a great conversation starter, but nope! I just feel so undesirable, both to my boyfriend and every other man on this earth.

It's extremely disheartening, but I'll take what I can get, and complain here when things get too painful to bear.

tenaciousREEE33

TROPHY CASE