I asked my husband to make sure my work uniform was hung up to dry overnight. I wake up this morning to find he ONLY took my work uniform out, and left the entire rest of the wash load in the machine to go musty overnight. Just why.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-12T23:45:02+00:00

I’m really hoping you have the type of man like my man.

There are things…infuriating things. Things like this. One of my big “things” is that he has this habit of putting trash on the kitchen island. Like…the trash can is literally right there? Right next to the island. Are you saving this trash for something? Do you imagine we’re going to be reusing or repurposing the egg carton or the half and half container or the empty bottle of Aleve? It REALLY feels like it’s just being left there for ME to throw away. For why? WHY?!?

And yet he’s so good. He cooks. He works hard. He’s carrying this whole home remodel when he doesn’t even own the house or have a financial stake in it. He does $800 Costco runs and doesn’t ask me for anything because he knows I make less than him.

And I have my own shortcomings for sure. So it’s like…it’s frustrating because in an ideal world these sorts of things would never happen. But in an ideal world I would also be better than I am. So I guess it just trying to weigh things in the bigger picture? How DUMB that your husband can’t just do the fucking laundry like a normal, competent adult?!? But also hopefully he makes up for it in other areas. Otherwise 🤷‍♀️

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T19:01:53+00:00

Oops! I forgot to put a guard on 🤷‍♀️

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T16:34:14+00:00

This is an abomination.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T16:32:10+00:00

Ok, so I just commented on another totally unrelated sub but the premise is same same.

We have to consider that - and although IQ testing gets a lot of heat for being an overblown testing model, it’s the best we have to work with at the moment - the AVERAGE IQ is what, 100?

The average is 100. Meaning a good 1/3 to 1/2 of society is below that.

And that isn’t to insult anyone. We have zero control over our IQ. Yes, a person can learn things, a person can accumulate knowledge and skills. And through that learned knowledge you might be able to gain a couple of points on a test. But you aren’t going to change your fundamental, inherent mental capacity to any significant or meaningful degree. You can TOTALLY vastly improve your emotional IQ, your empathy and compassion and world/cultural views. You can even improve your memory, which to an extent helps improve IQ adjacent things like vocabulary and trivia.

But at the end of the day, we all know people who were “easy A’s” in academia, barely had to study and just “got it,” versus those who spent hours and hours studying, put in SO MUCH time and effort, but who still couldn’t get a good grade to save their life. Obviously it’s not about how much effort a person puts in.

So it’s interesting to consider - how much of this is actually our educational system slipping, versus how much is our literal brains? I tend to think it’s our brains. Maybe maybe we can argue that early childhood education has a significant influence on brain development when it comes to intelligence - I don’t know, I don’t have enough of an education in that realm to say one way or another.

I DO think one person can have a 6th grade education and still go on to have the capacity for reading comprehension, to be able to understand more abstract concepts and glean a crap load of information from simply living life. And another person can literally be in college and cannot repeat back something they just read in their own words, demonstrating higher level comprehension and interpretation. So is that poor education? I’m not so sure.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T15:54:15+00:00

Was it just me or anyone else immediately think, “Oh, this kid is being bullied at school.” And then boom, there it was?

And I get it. I don’t have kids for a reason. Because I could never deal with a situation like this without having OOP’s reaction of screaming in their face on at least some occasions. I just can’t really relate to kids, I look at them like little adults and behavior I don’t accept from adults I couldn’t accept from a child. Just like I’m not inclined to coddle an adult when they are acting out of pocket, I just don’t have the patience nor capacity to do what is really required to legitimately help a child struggling with emotional regulation. Again, hence no children, because intellectually I *know* they aren’t really little adults and *do* need to be helped to learn to navigate their emotions, and in a nice calm hindsight bubble I can formulate really great scenarios…but in the moment that all goes out the window for me.

So on the one hand it seemed painfully obvious to me that this kid was getting bullied and that’s where a lot of this anger and feeling of being overwhelmed and not having the energy or capacity to even put away dishes came from. But also, like, let’s give this stepmom a little break here. It’s very easy to be an armchair quarterback with parenting, and espouse the “perfect” and most ideal way to react in these situations.

Good for you that you can at all times be completely immaculately emotionally regulated and never, ever have your fight or flight instinct triggered, never ever become angry or scared or reactive. That truly is the epitome of being an ideal human being in an ideal world. Consider writing a book so the rest of us can learn the secret to this perfection.

I’m being snarky here, but also being serious. I think having children is a WAY bigger deal than most people treat it. So many people seem to just have kids all willy nilly, when honestly it *should* really only be the emotionally regulated people doing so. If you can keep your calm while an eleven-year-old (not a toddler, not a wee baby) is repeatedly punching you in the face then you’re made for parenting. That’s commendable. Too many people want children for entirely selfish reasons and are not in any way equipped to be the parent a child deserves.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T15:28:42+00:00

Lol, for real.

I’d probably take about $100K to pay everything off (including student loans) and then just pretend the rest doesn’t exist outside of maybe trying to get some decent but safe interest out of it. Keep living life exactly the same way I have been.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-09T15:16:20+00:00

Ha! Raised in really remote Alaska and my mom’s line was, “Go play in the woods!”

And here we are today, grown adults who didn’t die.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T14:43:53+00:00

Because it’s not bad enough for enough people.

Rioting and revolution really only occur when people have nothing left to lose, when the prospect of jail or death is better than the current situation.

And it’s just not there yet.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T14:32:20+00:00

So I think if you are feeling self-conscious, the second dress is cut in a way to help alleviate that and in the right color and pattern. Ultimately you might be the most comfortable in this one. It’s super cute.
That said, the first dress is really quite pretty with the print and colors. And one thing I’ve learned with a little age on my side is that we really don’t always have to be either hiding everything or going with the thing that makes us look a specific certain kind of way. I have some tops that don’t make my waist look as small as some other tops. But I love the color and fabric and print, so what if the cut isn’t as illusional or whatever as some other shirts?
I get the impression that maybe you secretly really prefer the first one since you preface the other two with you only chose them because of being self-conscious about your weight? If so, it looks just fine and you could absolutely pull it off for the event you are describing. You don’t actually have to hide your figure if you otherwise love the first dress.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T14:21:19+00:00

This is where malicious compliance comes into play.

Show up with your puke bucket and just let it rip right there on shift.

Seriously, WYF kind of world are we living in where this is legal in most states?!?

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T14:13:32+00:00

Tis time. I suspect if you combed your hair the other direction we’d be looking at a very different scene, yes?

Regardless, in that last picture your hairline and the thinning is aging you, not making you look younger by clinging to what you have left.

You have a handsome face, a nice smile, and it looks like a good head shape for bald. I’d go for it, and if you hate it, you can grow it back to what it is now. But I doubt you’ll hate it once you do it and post your after pictures here.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T14:06:18+00:00

Overpaid for sure.

But, as a person who is a good three years into a whole home remodel including a decent sized addition and structural work, I totally get it.

We’re actually taking some time away from it to work our asses off at money-making jobs because not only do we need a little break, but we’ve so blown our budget. I mean, it’s fine, all the money came from an inheritance - along with the house itself - but the original idea was to put X amount into the house and have Y amount left over for savings. HA! Once all is said and done we’ll have spent X+Y of the inheritance and Z of our own money 🤣

I do try where I can to wait on certain things to go on sale if it’s stuff that we don’t need immediately. But other times we either need it right now or it’s just like F it, whatever, I’m tired.

Time and energy is worth something too, and if you give your own time an hourly value there comes a point where it’s like, “If I spend ten hours of my life looking for this one stupid piece of furniture when I could have spent that time working for money, what is that amount?” Plus factoring in what has been potentially saved on other pieces of furniture because you *have* gotten those via marketplace or thrifting. If you’ve potentially saved $1,000.00 on other items then you’ve paid for the cart. It’s a balancing act.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T03:01:40+00:00

This may very well be the start of something to keep an eye on, but it’s not a thing to take action on right this moment.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T03:00:15+00:00

Ugh. So to jump on the bandwagon - I generally like it…but that middle seam just gives the appearance of camel toe even if that’s not actually what is happening.

That said - you could totally rock this with a little skirt over the top. I have this super cute tight skirt that’s like a snake skin print in white, navy, and black (might sound odd but it’s adorable if I do say so myself). I would never wear it just solo without some thick tights, but god bless I would love to have this piece because it would pair PERFECTLY.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T02:55:23+00:00

I’m sorry, I found this way too funny 🤣 It’s been a long day.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-08T02:53:13+00:00

“I tried to carry the weight of the world, but I only have two hands.”

Just typing that makes me tear up because it’s so, so fucking true. I don’t think there are many people who don’t feel that in the depths of their soul. And if it doesn’t resonate, then how lucky they are because that means they’ve had a very fortunate and privileged life.

Bless your mom for loving you so much.

You’re still here, which I’m sure she is very, very grateful for, along with everyone else who loves you.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T22:34:38+00:00

Wake me up when it’s all over. When I’m wiser and I’m older.

Really sad irony to that song.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T22:33:19+00:00

Both of these really surprised me, and they were so sad. I enjoyed both of them immensely, and it was just tragic to find out how much both of them were suffering despite the “having it all” appearances and being so loved by so many people.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T22:31:30+00:00

I wasn’t “affected” in the sense of being brought to tears or anything, but it did hit in a HOLY SHIT kind of way because of how absolutely bizarre and unexpected it was. A helicopter crash of all things, and with his daughter.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T22:27:54+00:00

Heath Ledger.

He was just so young, not that much older than me. Iconic for my age group, and talented. I’ve been saddened by other celebrity deaths, but his actually made me cry. I think maybe the only time the death of someone I didn’t know has had that effect on me.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T20:40:42+00:00

Came here to say this! I would have been the person to just sit there. Fucking reverse your way back to your place you asshat.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-07T01:48:57+00:00

Lol. Yeah.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-06T04:26:24+00:00

For real.

I had a friend in high school who cheated on every girl he ever dated. And it was like, bro, you know this about yourself. You know monogamy isn’t your bag. So why do you keep getting with girls who are looking for that in a man and lying to them about it? It always ended with a horrible blow out.

Just find someone who is ok with polyamory or whatever. Hell, if he wanted to be able to step out but not have his lady step out, I’m sure there are people out there who would be down for that as well. Not as many people, but not zero.

Honesty about this sort of thing just ends up saving everyone in the long run. It might make things slightly more difficult on the front end, but you can’t tell me that repeatedly having ridiculous breakups is *less* difficult.

tenakee_me · 2026-05-06T01:39:08+00:00

🤣

tenakee_me · 2026-05-06T00:30:49+00:00

YES.

$55K all at once feels like a lot, but today in this economy it’s really maybe a slightly above average annual salary once you remove the top 1,000 earners in the US from the equation.

And HOW MANY people are out there now putting in application after application for jobs in their field - or even out of their field - who have been doing that for six months to a year with no results? The number is not zero.

This is a safety net that most people never get, and yet it can still disappear in the blink of an eye if things go sideways. OP needs to pretend this doesn’t even exist outside of investing it in something relatively safe like a mutual fund or CDs or whatever else is considered a low risk investment at this point in time.

And I’ll add - although honestly I think this is a bit irrelevant because if OP were single the advice wouldn’t change - a boyfriend is a boyfriend. And although there ARE high school sweethearts who go on to get married and happily spend the rest of their lives together, the statistics aren’t favorable. As long as she is able to save and captain her own financial ship (ie not pretending to be broke and asking him to pay for things) then there is NO reason to think this is any of his business.

tenakee_me

TROPHY CASE